for School Dance4/3/2009 c1 
58MetroxStation
I really like this! It's rlly sweet, but not too cheesy =]
Great Job!
~MxS
58MetroxStationI really like this! It's rlly sweet, but not too cheesy =]
Great Job!
~MxS
10/9/2008 c1 aweirdoperson
i like it!
its strangely familiar XP
heh heh
but anywho yeahh i could point out those vocab words lol
mildly outta place
i think it would be alot better if you went in and changed those, so it didnt seem so out of place
there were a couple awkward spots cuz of them
other than that, its lovely!
i like it!
its strangely familiar XP
heh heh
but anywho yeahh i could point out those vocab words lol
mildly outta place
i think it would be alot better if you went in and changed those, so it didnt seem so out of place
there were a couple awkward spots cuz of them
other than that, its lovely!
6/6/2008 c1 Willa
All in all, it wasn't a bad story. However, I am going to make a few comments ... keep in mind, I'm not trying to be mean:
1. Although the plot was fairly decent, I thought it was a little bit cliched ... and while cliched plot lines can be decent, I didn't find anything particularly special about yours. Also, I think the story all together might have been better with a little more character development - delving deeper into the relationship between Faye and Roy, especially. I thought detail was lacking in that category.
2. Your word usage astounded me, but half the time, I wondered to myself whether or not you wrote this with a thesaurus in front of you. Honestly ... "quandary"? "Multifarious"? "Parsimonius"? I've never heard of a teenager that uses those words in thought, much less in a conversation. In some cases, it's a good thing to sound smart, but this is definitely one of those times where you'd want to use regular teen slang.
While the writing was decent to start, my interest kind of dipped near the end. Sorry to be so harsh ... again, I'm not trying to be mean, just providing advice for future stories.
All in all, it wasn't a bad story. However, I am going to make a few comments ... keep in mind, I'm not trying to be mean:
1. Although the plot was fairly decent, I thought it was a little bit cliched ... and while cliched plot lines can be decent, I didn't find anything particularly special about yours. Also, I think the story all together might have been better with a little more character development - delving deeper into the relationship between Faye and Roy, especially. I thought detail was lacking in that category.
2. Your word usage astounded me, but half the time, I wondered to myself whether or not you wrote this with a thesaurus in front of you. Honestly ... "quandary"? "Multifarious"? "Parsimonius"? I've never heard of a teenager that uses those words in thought, much less in a conversation. In some cases, it's a good thing to sound smart, but this is definitely one of those times where you'd want to use regular teen slang.
While the writing was decent to start, my interest kind of dipped near the end. Sorry to be so harsh ... again, I'm not trying to be mean, just providing advice for future stories.