for Confused Musings of a Girl Who Gets Shrek12/27/2008 c7 
13Nicki BluIs
I dont't like the clicheness that is still there but its okay because good writing can save everything! I'm crying with Emory. I suppose that bubble is way past shattered now, huh? But yeah. The writing is great and makes Emory really relatable (although the other characters are quite stiff.)
Try to channel the same muse that gave you the hair idea and the sandwich idea and maybe that will bring back the original spark.
Nicki :P
13Nicki BluIsI dont't like the clicheness that is still there but its okay because good writing can save everything! I'm crying with Emory. I suppose that bubble is way past shattered now, huh? But yeah. The writing is great and makes Emory really relatable (although the other characters are quite stiff.)
Try to channel the same muse that gave you the hair idea and the sandwich idea and maybe that will bring back the original spark.
Nicki :P
12/27/2008 c6 Nicki BluIs
I actually don't think this chap is filler. I liked and thought it was important that Emory was trying to rationalize her actions and behaviour. The title of this chap is perfect and shows more self doubt than anything.
I also like her medley of friends. That she can have the genuine friends and the fake friends.So this chap is my favorite. This one and the first chap. Must keep reading.
Nicki :P
I actually don't think this chap is filler. I liked and thought it was important that Emory was trying to rationalize her actions and behaviour. The title of this chap is perfect and shows more self doubt than anything.
I also like her medley of friends. That she can have the genuine friends and the fake friends.So this chap is my favorite. This one and the first chap. Must keep reading.
Nicki :P
12/27/2008 c5 Nicki BluIs
Sigh. And now we through the not-so-great mother into the mix. The originality that was in the first chap is slipping and slipping fast.
I did like the bubble imagery though. I was able to visualize just as Emory was and I could see the small fissures in her bubble expanding.
Nicki :P
Sigh. And now we through the not-so-great mother into the mix. The originality that was in the first chap is slipping and slipping fast.
I did like the bubble imagery though. I was able to visualize just as Emory was and I could see the small fissures in her bubble expanding.
Nicki :P
12/27/2008 c4 Nicki BluIs
This chapter was well written. The emotions were clear and I liked the focus on the numbers. They seemed to be a stabalizing force.
But overall I'm disappointed with the chap. It is becoming the cliche I thought it would try to avoid. I hope I'm wrong but so far all the elements are there: one-night stand, regret afterwards, shame, cold shoulder towards the guy...
This chapter was well written. The emotions were clear and I liked the focus on the numbers. They seemed to be a stabalizing force.
But overall I'm disappointed with the chap. It is becoming the cliche I thought it would try to avoid. I hope I'm wrong but so far all the elements are there: one-night stand, regret afterwards, shame, cold shoulder towards the guy...
12/27/2008 c3 Nicki BluIs
Hm I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to read about her "regret." The girl ALWAYS regrets the one night stand... I was hoping this story would be different. Although it seemed to me that she was more upset that he was a loser... but I suppose that is just a flimsy mask for the typical jaded, bitter, hurt attitude the protagonist in these stories has.
I also did not like the title of this chap because it didn't seem to be the central theme of the chap.
Hm I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to read about her "regret." The girl ALWAYS regrets the one night stand... I was hoping this story would be different. Although it seemed to me that she was more upset that he was a loser... but I suppose that is just a flimsy mask for the typical jaded, bitter, hurt attitude the protagonist in these stories has.
I also did not like the title of this chap because it didn't seem to be the central theme of the chap.
12/27/2008 c2 Nicki BluIs
Hm is straight hair still a symbol? If so I love it. I like that there was nothing extraordinary about this experience. It just was.
However the whole shirt, bra, panties, sleeping boy, sneak away thing is a bit cliche. In fact it kinda is like a lot of those romance stories.
I'm thinking this is a journal of some sort. At least that's how im reading for now.
Nicki
Hm is straight hair still a symbol? If so I love it. I like that there was nothing extraordinary about this experience. It just was.
However the whole shirt, bra, panties, sleeping boy, sneak away thing is a bit cliche. In fact it kinda is like a lot of those romance stories.
I'm thinking this is a journal of some sort. At least that's how im reading for now.
Nicki
12/27/2008 c1 Nicki BluIs
This review (and the ones following it) has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link in my profile)
This was so nice. I like that you can use something like hair to develop a character. I got a sense of exactly who she was and by the end of the chapter she wasn't talking about hair anymore.
Right now I don't like the format very much. Its very vague and I don't know what to expect. Is this going to be like a diary? Or perhaps and inner monologue?
Nicki :P
This review (and the ones following it) has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link in my profile)
This was so nice. I like that you can use something like hair to develop a character. I got a sense of exactly who she was and by the end of the chapter she wasn't talking about hair anymore.
Right now I don't like the format very much. Its very vague and I don't know what to expect. Is this going to be like a diary? Or perhaps and inner monologue?
Nicki :P
12/21/2008 c13 malena
i know its cheesy but i absolutely LOVE happy endings :) from the moment i started reading this sotry i fell in love with it and i was amazed at the amount of things i could relate to. you've got a pretty amazing talent here (not many people can write and have it mean so much). keep up with the writing. i;m sad emorys sotry had to end, but like all things, they have their time. great job!
"keep breathing" ;)
oh and happy belated birthday!
i know its cheesy but i absolutely LOVE happy endings :) from the moment i started reading this sotry i fell in love with it and i was amazed at the amount of things i could relate to. you've got a pretty amazing talent here (not many people can write and have it mean so much). keep up with the writing. i;m sad emorys sotry had to end, but like all things, they have their time. great job!
"keep breathing" ;)
oh and happy belated birthday!
12/20/2008 c1 4bringmayflowers
Hi. I'm writing this for chapter one but it is really for every chapter. Wahoo! I finally finished reading this. It was glorious! :)
Great job on characterization. You really captured a main character that everyone could relate to. The way Emery spoke about her Jewish hair, I can COMPLETELY relate to. It's not even funny! I also really liked the way she and Juliet went to help April, how she lost her virginity and how the ending came together.
I am congratulating you on a wonderful piece of work & I can't wait to check out your new work about a guy named Murphy. (Funny- last year I wrote a story about a GIRL named Murphy. Ha ha.)
Good luck with your other pieces.
Keep it up!
P.S. I just wanted to say I really hope you update the story about Charlie soon and her missing best friend. I forget the title of it right now, sorry, but it was a great beginning and I want to know more about it. :)
4bringmayflowersHi. I'm writing this for chapter one but it is really for every chapter. Wahoo! I finally finished reading this. It was glorious! :)
Great job on characterization. You really captured a main character that everyone could relate to. The way Emery spoke about her Jewish hair, I can COMPLETELY relate to. It's not even funny! I also really liked the way she and Juliet went to help April, how she lost her virginity and how the ending came together.
I am congratulating you on a wonderful piece of work & I can't wait to check out your new work about a guy named Murphy. (Funny- last year I wrote a story about a GIRL named Murphy. Ha ha.)
Good luck with your other pieces.
Keep it up!
P.S. I just wanted to say I really hope you update the story about Charlie soon and her missing best friend. I forget the title of it right now, sorry, but it was a great beginning and I want to know more about it. :)
12/19/2008 c1 Indie Tangles
I liked the way this started, because it feel genuine, and I really liked this line:
"...their compliments are always tainted by love."
I liked the way this started, because it feel genuine, and I really liked this line:
"...their compliments are always tainted by love."
12/11/2008 c13 5FFWG
I like this ending! Really powerful, and good! I have enjoyed reading this story.
-FFWG
5FFWGI like this ending! Really powerful, and good! I have enjoyed reading this story.
-FFWG
12/7/2008 c1 6Acute Delirium
Oh my god I love this. I've read one chapter and this is already one of my favorite stories on this site. I'd keep talking but you've got ten chapters here I haven't read!
6Acute DeliriumOh my god I love this. I've read one chapter and this is already one of my favorite stories on this site. I'd keep talking but you've got ten chapters here I haven't read!
12/2/2008 c12 smile at the sun
Glad you had a great day. and I'm glad Emory wants to feel again, and she talked to her mom. Great writing. Please update soon.
Glad you had a great day. and I'm glad Emory wants to feel again, and she talked to her mom. Great writing. Please update soon.