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for Colored Love

11/30/2010 c1 17foreverandeversoul
11/11/2009 c1 13Nicki BluIs

I like the idea of pink and red to contrast black and white. It seemed fitting for the "love" theme... kinda made me think of a handmade valentines day card as opposed to a business letter.

I didn't think the colors matched the parenthetical words so much, especially pink with lust.

Anywho it was a nice lil poem and I enjoyed it :P
9/7/2009 c1 8boltfromtheblue101
Past tense is better. To me, it conveys a sense of loss. It would even more if you took out the apostrophe s in "that's" in the first line. Course, that's just personal opinion.

Do you only do poems or do you have stories too? You have so many things here-I haven't looked through them all yet.
4/25/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
The past tense is fine, since it's referring a past relationship, if I'm right.

I came in thinking it would be something on "shades of gray," as is the usual term for things not being black and white, but I liked how it was "red" and "pink" in this piece; unique and fitting.

I liked the parts in parentheses because they showed the faults in their relationship.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.
2/28/2009 c1 Kelsey Rider
This is gorgeous! As good as past tense sounds, I think it would be better in present tense, conveying an unending flow of love. But that's my opinion.
11/29/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
RM prize review! (Yay! A newer piece that I haven't reviewed)

I liked the creativity in this one, particularly the last two lines. It brings your emotions more into reality than fantasy.

I didn't like your use of "&" because it looks out of place in literature. I prefer when it's written out, but I guess that's up to you.
11/1/2008 c1 May Elizabeth
Ooh I loved this. ^^ Peace.
10/6/2008 c1 8Hyacinthe Wing
Review Marathon Winner review number two!

I actually like this; I think it's clever, if a bit trite. The half-rhyme (assonance, I suppose) between "us" and "blood" is what really *makes* this poem. I also like the use of the ampersand and the parentheses; I enjoy it when poets and authors play with structure in such a way, and in this case, I don't find it overdone. Good job!

I do have a minor nitpick; the simplicity of the syntax. "In all that's transpired between us, nothing was ever black and white, only pink for love(lust) & red for passion(blood)" - it's too sentence-like. I would reccommend more varied syntax - perhaps moving "between us" to the beginning, to mix things up? The way it is now is too orderly. (Also, the second comma should be either a dash or a colon; the way it is, the sentence is run-on.)
8/8/2008 c1 5inkspatters
Review Marathon Prize!

Wow, what a twist on the usual 'nothing's ever black and white, but one of the shades of grey in between.' I love how you applied this to the concept of love and changed the usual grey ending to one about pink and red and love and lust. It was really unique, I thought, anyway.

One thing I didn't like was the words in brackets. I felt like they were necessary but I still didn't like them, not sure why. I guess I just felt like they detracted and took away from the rest of the poem since they snapped me right out of what you had been writing.

But I loved this anyway, so good job.

8/5/2008 c1 31CeruleanStarGlow
I like this, it's short and to the point, but i'm thinking it would be better if you used elipsis (...) instead of parenthases around the words.

When i read this i thought it was a little too... obviouse, you were tryign to use the colors as metaphors but they were too obviouse. The second time i read it i kind of got the colors as a change of mind.

Only pink... for love... no, lust

and red for passion... blood

I think i liked the first line a lot. Transpired is a good word!
8/3/2008 c1 51Kusje
Love the play of words with the colors and what they symbolize. I like it a lot.
7/30/2008 c1 Needa S
You do have a way with words. A job well done. Write on.
7/24/2008 c1 95Christy Leigh Stewart
A bit hard to review something so short, but it makes for a good quick read.
7/20/2008 c1 2MagicalThinking
hardcore...i love how to the point, direct and simplistic your writing is-it just cuts straight through without any excess thought or descriptive language...great piece! Keep it up! ^_^
7/19/2008 c1 Fractured Illusion
Fight For the Freebie review!

Sad to say, I don't like this poem. You've definitely come up with a lot better and unique ones. The parenthesis are also a problem for me. It gives an amateurish vibe, which I don't think you ought to associate with har har. I also don't quite agree with the imagery. I don't really associate pink with either love nor lust. That's red. Lust and passion is also pretty much the same thing. Maybe if you changed the colors it'd make more sense?

Also, why aren't there any space between the word and the parenthesis? Like this: "love (lust)", "passion (blood)"? I imagine it to be a stylistic choice, but you've kept to grammar rules up to that point so it reads weird to me. Or is that how you write parenthesis in Americano? If so I apologize.

The "&" also bugs me, because it makes me wonder what ever happened to "and"? Writing things out always look better, in my mind.

Unlike another reviewer, I didn't like the word "transpired". It felt formal and impersonal, and the piece itself was very revealing and thus I felt they didn't match well. Or maybe I just don't like that word at all. Dunno. If more people said they liked it, then don't listen to me.

Not really sure what you mean by "blood" here. I suppose this is the good part of the poem, since that isn't such an obvious thing. You can ponder the meaning. With love, lust and passion, you can't. They are obvious. However, blood is not a feeling, so yeah, it's brood time. :p

Sorry I couldn't offer much else :/ I wasn't into it and thought it bland in comparison to your other works in particular. It had no impact.

And I think past tense worked fine. :p Gives the feeling that the relationship has ended. And since its labeled angst, that fits well.

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