for For Gene6/16/2008 c1 
172DefineBeauty
this is different. i kinda dont understand it at all though...to be honest, it's not really my type of poem, which is maybe why it doesn't make sense to me
i do however really like the line "the idea that innocence comes hereto die will penetrate me" it just sounds really cool. its a very in dephh sentence that can mean alot of things...to me at least
172DefineBeautythis is different. i kinda dont understand it at all though...to be honest, it's not really my type of poem, which is maybe why it doesn't make sense to me
i do however really like the line "the idea that innocence comes hereto die will penetrate me" it just sounds really cool. its a very in dephh sentence that can mean alot of things...to me at least
6/16/2008 c1 44Stormer
Hey, I thought this was really good. Kind of creepy, but very powerful still. Evokes all sorts of slightly disturbing images. The only thing that didn't really work for me was the very last line.
I think you could've ended it on "naked and pink", and forgotten "and young". But that's just how it seemed to flow for me.
Cheers!
44StormerHey, I thought this was really good. Kind of creepy, but very powerful still. Evokes all sorts of slightly disturbing images. The only thing that didn't really work for me was the very last line.
I think you could've ended it on "naked and pink", and forgotten "and young". But that's just how it seemed to flow for me.
Cheers!