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for Her Concept of Freedom

4/27/2009 c1 42crinkled aster ribbon
I fave'd this poem a while ago but I never reviewed.

It's a gorgeous, heartfelt poem, and I love how it translates such heartbreaking love into beautifully tragic words.

I love the comparisons made in the poem, and especially how abstract and unique they are.

I love all of it, especially the second stanza's:

Loving him is like:

waking up with spring in your bed

but winter in your bones, in your head

and the last two lines.
4/16/2009 c1 22instantramen
This is so amazing I can't even begin to find words to describe how I feel right now. Wow.

This is fantastic. Go get published, please.
8/17/2008 c1 103Jesse the Storyteller
Lovely, lovely poem. It needed, desperately, a smattering of periods to make it complete - some parts are a little confusing and run-on-ish without them, and it takes away from the mature depth of this poem. I also don't really understand why you felt you needed to put colons after "like" everytime you used it. It's a bad use of colons and it's unnecessary.

I absolutely loved this poem, however. The words you used, the phrases you choice - and the ending... absolutely brilliant, all of it. Great, fantastic work. Your grammar is the only thing that's... very off.

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
6/26/2008 c1 69this is britt
are you the best writer at this website? I would think you are. so incredible. you need to look into publishing this.
6/26/2008 c1 63lackluster
this is genius. i won't do it justice ranting on about the wonderful imagery and creative ideas, the flow of the whole piece, etc., so i'll leave it at this: i simply adore it.
6/14/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I think the punctuation needs some work. The second stanza and first three lines of the first stanza are all one sentence. Yet you capitalize It's in that stanza, which makes me think there should be a period before it. Also "sometimes even the..." sometimes whoul be capital.

I loved the descriptions of how they felt because they were unique and beautiful. I also liked how its him reading what she said about it. I kinda wish I knew who the last three lines belong to. Was he saying them or was it the narrator. Other than that I really loved the piece.

PS. If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile)

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