for Edge Of The World5/20/2009 c1 Isca
"At the edge of the world." I like that this imagery suggests that the speaker's impending suicide is a grand issue.
"Unforgiving wind." Nice word choice-even the air seems to wish that the speaker was dead.
"The darkness below, endless." This is very well-written. The darkness feels very vast and frightful. It will suck the speaker in without a second thought.
"She is falling from grace." I think the speaker has lost her own sense of dignity and grace-nice twist on a cliche.
"At the edge of the world." I like that this imagery suggests that the speaker's impending suicide is a grand issue.
"Unforgiving wind." Nice word choice-even the air seems to wish that the speaker was dead.
"The darkness below, endless." This is very well-written. The darkness feels very vast and frightful. It will suck the speaker in without a second thought.
"She is falling from grace." I think the speaker has lost her own sense of dignity and grace-nice twist on a cliche.
8/15/2008 c1 FuckMeAlice
First of all, I love the mental image of someone standing on the edge of the world. Reminds me of those fifteen-hundreds maps where they really believed there were four corners to the earth. And I like how you didn't opt for a completely depressing ending at the end, how there was a glimmer of hope in that someone catching her. all in all, it's a really beautiful piece. The colours that came to my mind while reading this were sepia tones, gold and deep burgundy. Uh... what else do I say?
First of all, I love the mental image of someone standing on the edge of the world. Reminds me of those fifteen-hundreds maps where they really believed there were four corners to the earth. And I like how you didn't opt for a completely depressing ending at the end, how there was a glimmer of hope in that someone catching her. all in all, it's a really beautiful piece. The colours that came to my mind while reading this were sepia tones, gold and deep burgundy. Uh... what else do I say?
6/13/2008 c1 
61Dani P
hmm i like the idea. however the line "except she is falling from grace,/not towards grace" would sound better if it were something like she's falling from grace or like a ballerina, ready for the routine of falling from grace.
also I would put the "Famine/Disease/Loss/Death" in one line
same with "the darkness seems/welcoming now"
and instead of the semicolon it should look like "The nothingness: peaceful. The darkness: forever."
other than that pretty good. just rework it a bit and itll be that much better
61Dani Phmm i like the idea. however the line "except she is falling from grace,/not towards grace" would sound better if it were something like she's falling from grace or like a ballerina, ready for the routine of falling from grace.
also I would put the "Famine/Disease/Loss/Death" in one line
same with "the darkness seems/welcoming now"
and instead of the semicolon it should look like "The nothingness: peaceful. The darkness: forever."
other than that pretty good. just rework it a bit and itll be that much better