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for Tabernacle: A Novel of Posthumanity

9/4/2008 c7 117Agathon
In Chapter 5, I like the return to the town that Riaz had observed to start. Good little connection to keep everything flowing together. I was surprised that Riaz was so interested in the psychological effects on the townsfolk because I assumed he had done this before and had witnessed many battles just on this terranova. And the idea of post-vocalization issues raises some interesting questions, like what do post-humans lose at the expense of their gains? Are they moving past things or are they losing them, or both? Is post-humanity progress or simply change?

In Chapter 6, I love the description of Riaz's realization of the attack. That definitely rings true to me, the whole attunement to senses. I will say that the girl seems to change her attitude toward Riaz a little too quickly. She seems very fired up but loses her wariness, at least to the reader.

I like Chapter 7, especially Riaz's ability to research the Kalings and use that to add to his deception. The siblings, though, seem more like younger adolescents that in their early 20s. They have great survival instincts, and a good background to back them up, but I find that their naivete and excitement don't quite match.

General questions I have while reading, but not critiques: Why does Riaz care so much to go through all this? Why not just let the terranova destroy itself? Or if the post-humans are powerful enough to create whole worlds, don't they have some automated process of erasing/destroying them? Will Riaz seek to permanently clean up this world? Will he be assured that if he stops observing and intervening the world will never be at war again?
9/4/2008 c4 Agathon
So far, so good. As I suspected, my confusion has waned and your language has smoothed out. Something about the plot still seems a little loose, though, and I guess that's because we have no idea about the crazed one's motivation at this point. It moves along quick enough to cover this up until we get some more information (I assume).

I think you don't need to explain the AK-47 like you do in this chapter since Riaz already used one, seemingly the same type, just two chapters ago. Maybe just saying "Riaz selected the same Kalash 47 he had used earlier" might be more economical from a storytelling standpoint.

That's the only thing I found jarring here. All in all, I like the technical ideas and how you play with post-human theory. I'm just waiting for a little more meat to underscore the action on the surface.
9/4/2008 c1 Agathon
I figured I'd finally sit down and get to reading one of your novels, so I went with the first sci-fi one I found.

The Prologue is at once very interesting and very disorienting. I like the set-up and the reality you've created, but the terminology can be a little off-putting. Baselines and what was going on were confusing ideas at first, but I got it by the halfway mark. I'm still unsure about the archai and post-turings, but you always seem to explain everything well, so I'll just wait. But I think that's something you might consider changing in the future, if only to cater to less patient readers.

Also, the highly-technical language could/will throw people off. I consider myself decently-versed in horizon technology and post-human theory, but you lost me a couple times, mostly on action descriptions. Still, by the end of the prologue I got the gist of what was going on. A little more clarity would benefit the reader but wouldn't improve the story.

The story itself doesn't seem to need improvement. It's a good start, and I like it. Granted, not much has unfolded yet, but the existence you've described so far is enough to grab my attention. Coming up with interesting scenarios has never been a weak point for you.

I shall continue...
9/1/2008 c50 11Fabian Beswick
Excellent writing and story, as with your other writing I've read. It'll be interesting to see what awaits them on Moravec.
8/16/2008 c3 12TorgoTheWhite
Nice transhumanism sci-fi. I found the details of the story disturbingly real and thought that it was a relatively hard-science counterpart to Last and First Overmen. I am still a bit confused by the plot at this point but after reading Overmen, I think pieces would fall into place soon enough.
8/15/2008 c35 dreamshell
Things are going well, story-wise, Jave, but I think you might want to detail things a bit more other than dialogue chunk followed by dialogue chunk. At the very least, specify who's talking a bit more obviously, as the different formats really don't help all that much, especially considering the irregularity of updated chapters. Throw in a reminder of who's who once in a while or something.
7/17/2008 c1 ProbeIke
so who created the dang weapon anyway? the people? jeez they are so dumb...
7/3/2008 c10 3Kent Edwins
The WWII parallels towards the end of this chapter are cool, as well as the thoughtful allusions to the current energy crisis and its solutions.

I really like that you've returned to sticking with a few characters, rather than introducing a bunch right in the beginning. Makes things easier to follow that way.

Looking forward to the next installments!
7/3/2008 c6 Kent Edwins
I may be misinterpreting, but Nova Kaling doesn't really sound like a "Galic" name. Otherwise, good solid chapter.
7/3/2008 c5 Kent Edwins
So Raiz is something like an incarnated deity in-cognito. Very cool concept, as old as the Greek epics but you do it, as always, in a very original way.
7/3/2008 c2 Kent Edwins
Ah, how ironic is "As much as I love baselines, they can be quite violent" by the end of this chapter? Anyway, 2 chapters in and you're already mutilating babies? I do find it interesting, though, that Raiz watches all sorts of war and massacre and rape but still is taken back by Sivad's behavior. This guy seems to have some serious soul searching to do.
7/3/2008 c10 Phoenix
I really have enjoyed reading this story so far. At the beginning it was difficult to pick up what some of the word meant. Like baselines, and the nanofabber (which, may I say, is an AWESOME idea).

Hope you keep writing. I'll keep reading!
6/21/2008 c4 dreamshell
The new-and-improved Tabernacle is going great so far, Jave. A fun combo of your own tropes and borrowed ideas from OA and more than likely other hard sci-fi.

I like the allusions you make, "Andart", for instance. The quotes at the beginning are really good, too. And it was fun to see a Bressian-esque character again.

Also, I'm very glad to see some legitimate science in this, as opposed to the soft shit most people stick in their sci-fantasy drivel. And not only that, but you explain it simply enough that any moron should be able to understand it.

I hope to see some kickass action soon. And of course some more classic Jave Harron dementedness.


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