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7/20/2008 c4 2Miraculous.Science
this is for the last chapter: i dont know anyone who says "fruity". i know what it means, but i dont know anyone who says it. again, i'm american.
7/20/2008 c3 Miraculous.Science
ok. i have never heard the term "Shoobie" before. I am American, I live in California, in a town where tourism NEVER stops and i have never heard that before. We have bumperstickers in my town saying, "If it tourist season, why can't we shoot them?"

do you live in america? is that from the east or something?
7/20/2008 c6 41AbbeyEileen
Hmm... the original dialogue with Anton is a little choppy... and I like that they have a truce, but it kind of sounds out of nowhere...
7/14/2008 c5 2Lady of Confusion
wow..lol...UPDATE SOON
7/13/2008 c5 41AbbeyEileen
Hm... They are both very confrontational, which might not bode well for them in the long run... but I like it here...

Could the surprise be, maybe, that her brother is coming to teach them or something? Or maybe her dad? Hmm... I forget: does the Coach know her who her family is?
7/13/2008 c5 1Jevanminx
Eurgh, Andrew was such an arse, especially with the gender card, and than to say she knew nothing about him, hehehehe the cheek.

JM
7/8/2008 c4 Jevanminx
Ah Andrew really needs to get used to the girls doesnt he, Ellie is trying to be friends.

JM
7/7/2008 c4 41AbbeyEileen
Hmm... Not bad. The dialogue is better than usual, even though Andrew is generally more pouty than informative... but overall, good chapter. Not much to comment on, good or bad.
7/2/2008 c3 AbbeyEileen
Another good chapter. It's very captivating, and I really like Ellie. Jordyn is a little too shallow for my tastes, but if that's how you want to portray her, that's fine.

Is this like an International school or do they just recruit from everywhere but England?
7/2/2008 c2 AbbeyEileen
So, Andrew and Jordyn are the only Americans? Okay. It might be a little confusing when he says soccer and everyone else says football, but they should be it... I like York, though. He seems fun.
7/2/2008 c1 AbbeyEileen
It's very interesting, more than I expected from the summary, actually... Ellie is nice and likable, and I can't wait to see more of her... I might have suggested keeping her parentage a little more secret, but as long as the reader knows and nobody else does, it can work...

In the third chapter, you refer to Sarah... I assume you changed her name? Also, the paragraph is particularly choppy and a bit confusing...
6/30/2008 c3 1Jevanminx
Oh is there a story behind that last line then, I wonder. Why is Andrew being so unfriendly though, hm.

JM
6/22/2008 c2 Jevanminx
Oh interesting, what was she crying about. Cant wait to find out more.

JM
6/16/2008 c1 prisonbreakfan
great story! Hope you'll continue!
6/16/2008 c1 Jevanminx
Oh look she's got herself some blokes already, hehehehe. Cant wait to see what happens when they start the football practices. Ah gotta to love our cold English weather, hehehehe.

JM
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