for Storm of Blood and Darkness1/29/2009 c1 
13blurrylights
This made me sad...so sad...but it was really good. Creepy, no doubt, violent, definitely, but awesome.
13blurrylightsThis made me sad...so sad...but it was really good. Creepy, no doubt, violent, definitely, but awesome.
11/26/2008 c1 3RoseInk
I had a great time being spooked, alone, in a dark apartment with this one. This story plays well to your strong suits, namely tone and strong description. The storm clouds spreading over the world like the tentacles of an octopus was a great analogy. The word choice in this piece is spot on. Corpse-gray, evil electricity, etc., really contribute to the overall atmosphere you were trying to convey. I enjoyed reading it the whole way through. To whoever the 'ell said your writing was only half-way decent got it backwards, in my opinion. More like decent and a half to me, haha. The only thing that jumped out at me while I was reading was the sentence "The faces also had that major car accident victim looking skin" It sounds a bit too long for a description, and a little clunky. maybe use some dashes to string it all together? This review is getting a little long, isn't it? Anyway, good job and write on.
3RoseInkI had a great time being spooked, alone, in a dark apartment with this one. This story plays well to your strong suits, namely tone and strong description. The storm clouds spreading over the world like the tentacles of an octopus was a great analogy. The word choice in this piece is spot on. Corpse-gray, evil electricity, etc., really contribute to the overall atmosphere you were trying to convey. I enjoyed reading it the whole way through. To whoever the 'ell said your writing was only half-way decent got it backwards, in my opinion. More like decent and a half to me, haha. The only thing that jumped out at me while I was reading was the sentence "The faces also had that major car accident victim looking skin" It sounds a bit too long for a description, and a little clunky. maybe use some dashes to string it all together? This review is getting a little long, isn't it? Anyway, good job and write on.
8/24/2008 c1 criti-sized
I was a bit surprised that the story was in present tense, and in a sort of story-telling manner, but it was good nonetheless. The descriptiveness in it was awesome, and even when I was thinking about leaving it for a second to check on my boiling water I couldn't :D.
[but that night she needed to have some sense knocked into her] Lol, Sure that's how it starts, then the next time he figures he's done it already... But I guess that's why she left.
The irony of that sentence caught my attention.
Great one-shot.
C.S.
I was a bit surprised that the story was in present tense, and in a sort of story-telling manner, but it was good nonetheless. The descriptiveness in it was awesome, and even when I was thinking about leaving it for a second to check on my boiling water I couldn't :D.
[but that night she needed to have some sense knocked into her] Lol, Sure that's how it starts, then the next time he figures he's done it already... But I guess that's why she left.
The irony of that sentence caught my attention.
Great one-shot.
C.S.
8/23/2008 c1 FuckMeAlice
Oh wow. That was really dark. And creepy. Seriously, I'm going to be so paranoid tonight. That was really well-done. No grammar mistakes, as far as I could see, and everything kept at a very nice clip. Good job.
-Stardust.
Oh wow. That was really dark. And creepy. Seriously, I'm going to be so paranoid tonight. That was really well-done. No grammar mistakes, as far as I could see, and everything kept at a very nice clip. Good job.
-Stardust.
8/23/2008 c1 10Caecilia
A while after I first read this story [back when I first came to the Roadhouse] I had a dream with the storm in it. Scared the crap outta me. But then I woke up. Anywho, onto the actual review now~
[...makes me a little jumpy,] It might sound better if it was 'made'. I don't think 'makes' sounds right.
I love the use of 'gobbled up' it makes me think of something more light-hearted and cracks me up.
[jet onyx black ] I don't think you should use both 'jet' and 'onyx' it just doesn't sound right to use both those words... I'd say, take out onyx.
[does it matter? Not to me it didn’t] You used 'does' then 'didn't' Either use 'does' and 'doesn't' or 'did' and 'didn't'.
Truly chilling story. It's so sad, and so freaking descriptive. Where'd you get the idea? Really great writing Zerom. It seems so realistic [if there were storms like that destroying the world...]
~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse
10CaeciliaA while after I first read this story [back when I first came to the Roadhouse] I had a dream with the storm in it. Scared the crap outta me. But then I woke up. Anywho, onto the actual review now~
[...makes me a little jumpy,] It might sound better if it was 'made'. I don't think 'makes' sounds right.
I love the use of 'gobbled up' it makes me think of something more light-hearted and cracks me up.
[jet onyx black ] I don't think you should use both 'jet' and 'onyx' it just doesn't sound right to use both those words... I'd say, take out onyx.
[does it matter? Not to me it didn’t] You used 'does' then 'didn't' Either use 'does' and 'doesn't' or 'did' and 'didn't'.
Truly chilling story. It's so sad, and so freaking descriptive. Where'd you get the idea? Really great writing Zerom. It seems so realistic [if there were storms like that destroying the world...]
~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse
7/7/2008 c1 2Imaginary Rose
I'm reviewing as I go along so you have the joy of knowing what I was thinking as I read. Yay, for you!
[I’m no where near...] Nowhere is one word.
[...she needed to have some sense...] Not really liking this guy.
[...like a great dark octopus...] Nice imagery this invokes.
[No one in America...] Ah, Americans...
[...swear was sulfur.] Sulfur? Hm, usually associated with demons.
[...just a little thicker then water...] Bloodlike? Very creepy.
[Then the dark was pierced by a scream...] I actually felt a chill.
[...slapped her.] Ugh. I suppose I can see where he's coming from, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
[I realized it really was a trap...] Pretty smart zombies.
Good story, very interesting. I'm not really into zombies and you reminded me why. :P Now I'm off to find some fluffbunnies to protect me from the zombies.
-IRP
2Imaginary RoseI'm reviewing as I go along so you have the joy of knowing what I was thinking as I read. Yay, for you!
[I’m no where near...] Nowhere is one word.
[...she needed to have some sense...] Not really liking this guy.
[...like a great dark octopus...] Nice imagery this invokes.
[No one in America...] Ah, Americans...
[...swear was sulfur.] Sulfur? Hm, usually associated with demons.
[...just a little thicker then water...] Bloodlike? Very creepy.
[Then the dark was pierced by a scream...] I actually felt a chill.
[...slapped her.] Ugh. I suppose I can see where he's coming from, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
[I realized it really was a trap...] Pretty smart zombies.
Good story, very interesting. I'm not really into zombies and you reminded me why. :P Now I'm off to find some fluffbunnies to protect me from the zombies.
-IRP
6/24/2008 c1 1Josh Howatt
Cree-py!
Well, this was a really interesting read. You should definitley sell the concept to Hollywood.
The writing is half-way decent. DEFINITELY need to review your grammar. A lot, a lot of typos. But once you iron that out I'm sure it's going to be very good. I could also see you fleshing this out to a full-length book, it's such an interesting idea.
I especially liked the idea of primordial energies coming back to haunt our present humanity.
The lead characters are good. You can kinda get a feel for him through his inner-dialogue, but I wish we could get a clearer image of his physicality. I have no clue what he looks like.
SOme of the descriptions of the storm begin to get a tad repetative. ie: crimson lightingbolt, ruby flash of light, ...there was another that sounded very similar.
Overall, I though I thought the story was very interesting and with some work, could be very strong.
Kudos.
Josh
1Josh HowattCree-py!
Well, this was a really interesting read. You should definitley sell the concept to Hollywood.
The writing is half-way decent. DEFINITELY need to review your grammar. A lot, a lot of typos. But once you iron that out I'm sure it's going to be very good. I could also see you fleshing this out to a full-length book, it's such an interesting idea.
I especially liked the idea of primordial energies coming back to haunt our present humanity.
The lead characters are good. You can kinda get a feel for him through his inner-dialogue, but I wish we could get a clearer image of his physicality. I have no clue what he looks like.
SOme of the descriptions of the storm begin to get a tad repetative. ie: crimson lightingbolt, ruby flash of light, ...there was another that sounded very similar.
Overall, I though I thought the story was very interesting and with some work, could be very strong.
Kudos.
Josh
6/24/2008 c1 10Anya Mabell
Generally, this type of thing isn't my cup of tea but I have to say that I liked it. It was certainly creepy, and the idea is really original. I enjoyed the beginning and the end the most. The beginning because it seems like a relatively normal story at first and therefore sets up the shock factor later, and the end because you get a clear sense of how traumatized this guy is. I do think that throughout the middle you should somehow heighten the sense of chaos-your sentences are good, but I think if you condensed them and really watched your word choice it would make the scenario that much more believable. Also, please pay attention to the difference between "then" and "than". "it was bigger then the wolf-dog Peaches" Then should be than here.
Until next time! =)
10Anya MabellGenerally, this type of thing isn't my cup of tea but I have to say that I liked it. It was certainly creepy, and the idea is really original. I enjoyed the beginning and the end the most. The beginning because it seems like a relatively normal story at first and therefore sets up the shock factor later, and the end because you get a clear sense of how traumatized this guy is. I do think that throughout the middle you should somehow heighten the sense of chaos-your sentences are good, but I think if you condensed them and really watched your word choice it would make the scenario that much more believable. Also, please pay attention to the difference between "then" and "than". "it was bigger then the wolf-dog Peaches" Then should be than here.
Until next time! =)