for The Munchli2/13/2010 c1 B-Dooliie
"My own soul crying out against the world and against Ray, everything he’d done to me, everything he’d stolen from me—my heart, my soul, my dignity, even my will. He’d taken what I’d given willingly and then taken even more, and when he’d gotten all he could get without giving back he’d crushed what he possessed."
gave me goosebumps, god.
"My own soul crying out against the world and against Ray, everything he’d done to me, everything he’d stolen from me—my heart, my soul, my dignity, even my will. He’d taken what I’d given willingly and then taken even more, and when he’d gotten all he could get without giving back he’d crushed what he possessed."
gave me goosebumps, god.
1/8/2010 c1 Kirhava
Wow!
You did a wonderfull job with this ons-shoot too.
I'll definitely nominate it for the fiction and prose supernatural stories awards' 5th season "best one-shoot"... if you have nothing against it...
Wow!
You did a wonderfull job with this ons-shoot too.
I'll definitely nominate it for the fiction and prose supernatural stories awards' 5th season "best one-shoot"... if you have nothing against it...
6/10/2009 c1 Emmy131
Awesome job! Perfect balance of supernatural and romance. I loved the setting as well!
Awesome job! Perfect balance of supernatural and romance. I loved the setting as well!
3/24/2009 c1 
5amezz
That was really good! The ghost parts even had me scared! Didn't help that I was sitting in my room with the lights off... I'm much to much of a chicken! Don't know what I'd ever do in a haunted house... hopefully there would be a hot neighbor guy to help;) Your story was really good! You are a very good writer. I really liked the dreams with the ghost in them, that was really good!
5amezzThat was really good! The ghost parts even had me scared! Didn't help that I was sitting in my room with the lights off... I'm much to much of a chicken! Don't know what I'd ever do in a haunted house... hopefully there would be a hot neighbor guy to help;) Your story was really good! You are a very good writer. I really liked the dreams with the ghost in them, that was really good!
12/4/2008 c1 8lunacy and literacy
Ach! So good. Extremely well-written, suspenseful, realistic. I love it. Also, while I was reading one of the dream/flashback scenes where they could hear the girl crying in the attic, I could hear crying in the other room (from my roommate) and it was so scary! I literally tensed up and my stomach dropped, it was so freaky.
8lunacy and literacyAch! So good. Extremely well-written, suspenseful, realistic. I love it. Also, while I was reading one of the dream/flashback scenes where they could hear the girl crying in the attic, I could hear crying in the other room (from my roommate) and it was so scary! I literally tensed up and my stomach dropped, it was so freaky.
10/26/2008 c1 Maelys
That was a really good story. A bit spooky, but I liked the unusual setting and the characters. It was a good storyline!
That was a really good story. A bit spooky, but I liked the unusual setting and the characters. It was a good storyline!
9/7/2008 c1 8Cailin O'Keefe
You never fail to paint characters that are believable. They're refreshing and breathtaking in their flaws and imperfections. I always fall in love with them, how unreal they are in their reality.
^_^
Wonderful short story, I enjoyed every bit of it.
8Cailin O'KeefeYou never fail to paint characters that are believable. They're refreshing and breathtaking in their flaws and imperfections. I always fall in love with them, how unreal they are in their reality.
^_^
Wonderful short story, I enjoyed every bit of it.
7/18/2008 c1 10funsize
yay.. i love swiss boys
this is good.. just the right amount of sad and creepy
10funsizeyay.. i love swiss boys
this is good.. just the right amount of sad and creepy
7/1/2008 c1 MeiLeeCalifornia
Sorry for such a late review, life's been crazy! Great job on the story, the quality of your work and creativity always makes it a pleasure to read. A very good illustration too of how unforgiveness/bitterness can torment someone internally and externally if not released, hurting them more than than the perpetrator. Congrats on the SKOW nomination for this!
Oh, and I laughed at Ueli's air punch... reminded me of someone :D
Sorry for such a late review, life's been crazy! Great job on the story, the quality of your work and creativity always makes it a pleasure to read. A very good illustration too of how unforgiveness/bitterness can torment someone internally and externally if not released, hurting them more than than the perpetrator. Congrats on the SKOW nomination for this!
Oh, and I laughed at Ueli's air punch... reminded me of someone :D
6/26/2008 c1 7Faithfully Yours
Aww! That was really good! I loved the ending, it was cute. And the whole bit with the ghost was neat, and I would say realistic, but I'd rather not believe in ghost as I have enough issues falling asleep anyway. =)
7Faithfully YoursAww! That was really good! I loved the ending, it was cute. And the whole bit with the ghost was neat, and I would say realistic, but I'd rather not believe in ghost as I have enough issues falling asleep anyway. =)
6/24/2008 c1 8Le Meg
Cute! I love ghost stories, especially when you get them second hand from a family member. Have you or anybody else in your family ever tried to do research into what happened? Check who owned the house before and all that stuff? Either way, that's gotta be pretty good for campfires, right? lol
Anyway, fun characters - Ueli is a total cutey, and Elisabeth was just funny. I love how she kept running out of the house. I kept thinking, "Good girl!" - everyone knows you don't go upstairs to see what that noise was. ;]
8Le MegCute! I love ghost stories, especially when you get them second hand from a family member. Have you or anybody else in your family ever tried to do research into what happened? Check who owned the house before and all that stuff? Either way, that's gotta be pretty good for campfires, right? lol
Anyway, fun characters - Ueli is a total cutey, and Elisabeth was just funny. I love how she kept running out of the house. I kept thinking, "Good girl!" - everyone knows you don't go upstairs to see what that noise was. ;]
6/23/2008 c1 Irony Illuminator
Man, I had forgotten what an excellent writer you are. It feels like it's been forever since I've read anything of yours.
I liked the way this was a horror story without being over-the-top, and that it had a happy ending (I love Ueli! Does he have a younger brother?). I love the way you described the landscape and the house without being too wordy; it was simplistic, yet beautiful. There was one thing that I wondered about (grammatically):
"It was beautiful; my dream house surrounded by other dream houses in a dream neighborhood of quiet, tree-lined properties on a rich street in the best part of Zurich where downtown was a mere five minute bus ride away."
It was just this sentence that seemed slightly run-on-ish to me. Perhaps making it two sentences would be more appropriate; merely a suggestion.
Anyway, I loved it, from the dream sequences to the Swiss-German that I couldn't understand a word of. It was great. Hope you have more new stuff soon!
-I.I.
Man, I had forgotten what an excellent writer you are. It feels like it's been forever since I've read anything of yours.
I liked the way this was a horror story without being over-the-top, and that it had a happy ending (I love Ueli! Does he have a younger brother?). I love the way you described the landscape and the house without being too wordy; it was simplistic, yet beautiful. There was one thing that I wondered about (grammatically):
"It was beautiful; my dream house surrounded by other dream houses in a dream neighborhood of quiet, tree-lined properties on a rich street in the best part of Zurich where downtown was a mere five minute bus ride away."
It was just this sentence that seemed slightly run-on-ish to me. Perhaps making it two sentences would be more appropriate; merely a suggestion.
Anyway, I loved it, from the dream sequences to the Swiss-German that I couldn't understand a word of. It was great. Hope you have more new stuff soon!
-I.I.
6/23/2008 c1 Espionage In My Shoe
Ooh-de-lolly! =) I don't normally peruse suspense/horror/thriller things in any form- not movies, not books, not fictionpress stories. ;p But when I got the email alert telling me you'd made some new thing with a crazy title, I was curious and checked it out even though I was apprehensive when I read "supernatural/suspense" as the genre description. So, I guess what I'm saying is- go you! You're broadening my horizons! Haha!
This would make an excellent movie, I do believe. Just imagining the thing with the servant bells... Ooh! Shiver me timbers. ;)
There were a few times while reading this that I noticed you left out little things- little words like "it" or "had"- here and there. I could go through and find them all for you, but I haven't the time right yet. :\ My sincerest apologies. Just thought it'd be at least a little help to alert you to the situation. xD Not that it's even a big deal because I easily understood what you were getting at anyway.
Well, all in all; it's another triumph, my dear. Another triumph. =) Well done.
Shoe.
Ooh-de-lolly! =) I don't normally peruse suspense/horror/thriller things in any form- not movies, not books, not fictionpress stories. ;p But when I got the email alert telling me you'd made some new thing with a crazy title, I was curious and checked it out even though I was apprehensive when I read "supernatural/suspense" as the genre description. So, I guess what I'm saying is- go you! You're broadening my horizons! Haha!
This would make an excellent movie, I do believe. Just imagining the thing with the servant bells... Ooh! Shiver me timbers. ;)
There were a few times while reading this that I noticed you left out little things- little words like "it" or "had"- here and there. I could go through and find them all for you, but I haven't the time right yet. :\ My sincerest apologies. Just thought it'd be at least a little help to alert you to the situation. xD Not that it's even a big deal because I easily understood what you were getting at anyway.
Well, all in all; it's another triumph, my dear. Another triumph. =) Well done.
Shoe.
6/21/2008 c1 1jasbredavral
I loved your take on this challenge, especially all the details of Switzerland and the Swiss-German language (though I kept wishing I understood it, so I'd know what they were saying!) Anyway, I thought this was an amazing challenge response, and the ending made me squeal inside with girlish glee, which is always a plus. :-)
1jasbredavralI loved your take on this challenge, especially all the details of Switzerland and the Swiss-German language (though I kept wishing I understood it, so I'd know what they were saying!) Anyway, I thought this was an amazing challenge response, and the ending made me squeal inside with girlish glee, which is always a plus. :-)
6/21/2008 c1 kbxyz912345
Aha! Excellent! You made a ghost story somewhat humorous than dark and gothic, and I really liked that. (And the cute neighbor to help her of course =). And I liked that the ghost didn't have a malignant presence, as in so many gothic stories. Great parallels with the characters. I liked this a lot! *Cheers*
Aha! Excellent! You made a ghost story somewhat humorous than dark and gothic, and I really liked that. (And the cute neighbor to help her of course =). And I liked that the ghost didn't have a malignant presence, as in so many gothic stories. Great parallels with the characters. I liked this a lot! *Cheers*