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for The Damsel In Distress Meets Mr Perfect

8/19/2009 c1 Khazkhaz
what is hiatus
6/12/2009 c4 5I Murder on Impulse
Hey! I think you have a great idea but you probably just need to make it come to life a bit more! But then again..who am I to talk :P

6/10/2009 c4 teardropsONroses
okay then

i'm gonna wait to check out your other story, as it is 12:02 am here, and very dark. but i will look it over for you, and try not to make the reviews as long

feel free to PM me about anything, no matter how trivial it may seem.

I'm going on vacation in a day and a half and don't know how much internet access I'll have. I'll be gone for two months. So if you don't hear from me during that time...but if at all possible, I'll get to your other story ASAP.
6/10/2009 c3 teardropsONroses
aww, how sad.

and very, very cute.

You might want to preview some of these. I don't know if you know how to do that but after you post you can see the new chapter. There are some random boxes that I think are supposed to be something, but . . . they're not. Sometimes ficpress doesn't do every symbol the keyboard does, so if that's the problem, you might just want to extract this, edit it, and put in something close enough to whatever-was-supposed-to-be-in-the-boxes.

and I'm gonna keep reading now
6/10/2009 c2 teardropsONroses
I'm not quite sure how long you want these to be (or if you really want long reviews) but since I have time to kill..

If you can manage, and I have no idea since I'm only at the first official chapter, it is generally considered "better" to limit your story to having only one POV. Switching back and forth between POVs, even on different chapters, but especially in the same chapter, is frowned upon as it distracts the reader from the plot. The reader has to constantly switch gears between different thought tracks and emotional processes, etc.; it can get beyond confusing. While multiple POVs create more options for you, it's not such a good idea. If you can sumehow rewrite this in one POV, it will flow better.

I'm not entirely sure that Spiderman came up with "with great power comes great responsibility", but that was a well-placed quote.
6/10/2009 c1 teardropsONroses
okay, you asked me to review, so i'm going to be kinda critical. (please don't hurt me)

generally, Point Of View is shortened to POV because Point Of View is really long to write and everyone knows what you're talking about when you write POV anyway

I don't know if you noticed, or intended it, but the phrase "Goodbye, sheltered and privileged life." is repeated twice in a row.

You have a different writing style; it's short and blunt, but it works. I'm glad you included what I'm assuming is your native language, and that you mentioned the Phillipines as well, where it says on your profile you live... Things like that always make everything more genuine.
6/2/2009 c4 18FreekyDisaster18
Really enjoying that story and then saw that Chapter four was only a authors note I swear my heart sunk in its cage! I love your stories. Please update soon :]
5/18/2009 c4 foohypink
This story has potential you should keep on writing it, please dont let me in the mistery of what will happen you gotta update soon please. ^_^
5/18/2009 c3 foohypink
aw what a gentlemen his going after her, that's so sweet. love it...
5/18/2009 c2 Foohupink
love it, their first sight of each other, I love how you wrote some Filipino words and translated, I might learn new things reading your story. ^_^
5/18/2009 c1 Foohypink
It's a really good prologue, it captures your attention, and I love it when they put the main characters points of views it only makes the story more interesting.
5/11/2009 c1 7cookiepiecookiepie
Interesting... :)
12/21/2008 c4 1awdkljgbekrng
i hope you update this soon! i like it!
12/21/2008 c2 awdkljgbekrng
Maximillian! omg, i love that name!
12/12/2008 c4 7Silencia
hm, interesting, I like this story too! I can't wait for more!

Grtz Silencia
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