for Mediation for the Troubled Mind2/4/2009 c6 
4marginalia
"So he doesn’t say anything and settles himself for what is hopefully the last time he’ll have to hear this stupid theme song. No, California, we are not fucking coming."
best line EVER
4marginalia"So he doesn’t say anything and settles himself for what is hopefully the last time he’ll have to hear this stupid theme song. No, California, we are not fucking coming."
best line EVER
2/2/2009 c1 10Riley Pickett
Review game!
I loved how this is written in short, snappy sentences. It really helped to keep my slightly-ADHD self focused to finish reading the chapter. XD It's simply brilliant to keep readers reading what you want them to read.
I didn't really like how this chapter was so chunked up... it was almost like little scenes that cut in and out and I had to re-adjust my reading. I know that sometimes, that's unavoidable, but it just seemed to distract.
As always, this was great... I really love your work and you've done a tremendous job here. :)
10Riley PickettReview game!
I loved how this is written in short, snappy sentences. It really helped to keep my slightly-ADHD self focused to finish reading the chapter. XD It's simply brilliant to keep readers reading what you want them to read.
I didn't really like how this chapter was so chunked up... it was almost like little scenes that cut in and out and I had to re-adjust my reading. I know that sometimes, that's unavoidable, but it just seemed to distract.
As always, this was great... I really love your work and you've done a tremendous job here. :)
1/29/2009 c4 3The Ferrett
I like: The tension. Its real.
Why: Cause you notice every detail, every moment so that you can touch the tension yourself.
I dislike: the fact that he doesn't like nor pay attention to the game by your comment and yet he notices all the key details.
Why: Tis a contradiction.
3The FerrettI like: The tension. Its real.
Why: Cause you notice every detail, every moment so that you can touch the tension yourself.
I dislike: the fact that he doesn't like nor pay attention to the game by your comment and yet he notices all the key details.
Why: Tis a contradiction.
1/25/2009 c1 5inkspatters
Review Marathon Prize, again :) And again, I'm SO sorry it's late.
The sense of immediacy in this is great. I love present tense writing and you wove in just enough back story for the reader to really understand what was happening. Kudos for getting the balance right :)
Your characters are also really, really wonderful. It's only the first chapter, but already they all seem to have unique personalities that set them apart. I want to read more about them!
Anyways, I added this to my favourites so that I can keep better track of it. I'll be back when my computer stops downloading pages so slowly, lol.
5inkspattersReview Marathon Prize, again :) And again, I'm SO sorry it's late.
The sense of immediacy in this is great. I love present tense writing and you wove in just enough back story for the reader to really understand what was happening. Kudos for getting the balance right :)
Your characters are also really, really wonderful. It's only the first chapter, but already they all seem to have unique personalities that set them apart. I want to read more about them!
Anyways, I added this to my favourites so that I can keep better track of it. I'll be back when my computer stops downloading pages so slowly, lol.
1/6/2009 c8 3ForTheJokes
I am really going to miss Finn. His point of view is interesting. It was a good ending and I'm looking forward to reading the next one.
3ForTheJokesI am really going to miss Finn. His point of view is interesting. It was a good ending and I'm looking forward to reading the next one.
12/30/2008 c1 5Somedaymydreamswillcome
Thanks for the head up! Definitely looking out for that sequel then. :)
5SomedaymydreamswillcomeThanks for the head up! Definitely looking out for that sequel then. :)
12/30/2008 c1 31Catherine Abellanosa
i liked the way it started. with a video game, hehehe. i haven't done that myself. playing a video game with lots of distraction. i liked it.
it's real spunky. so far, i didn't find anything unlikeable with the story.
good job!
keep it up!
:
31Catherine Abellanosai liked the way it started. with a video game, hehehe. i haven't done that myself. playing a video game with lots of distraction. i liked it.
it's real spunky. so far, i didn't find anything unlikeable with the story.
good job!
keep it up!
:
12/30/2008 c8 8Written
I just want to let you know that the reCaptcha thing to sign in made me type "re purchasers" haha. what.
anyway. WHAT, IT'S OVER?
haha.
okay. so let's start from the top. I love finn and forrester together and how he always loses and just yeah haha. love them.
lina's sister haha. I want to know her.
you know what theme song I find annoying? the one to the show "psych" AGH. it makes my brain melt. like, it doesnt start off bad but the chorus makes me wanna die.
anyway... tangent.
okay, so I wonder if he really DOESN'T like carrie? all this time I'd been sort of rooting for them to be together but... well, I guess it will be interesting to see how they are in the next story.
I like that Lina reveals that she lied about Mer. and uh... HAHAH the end... wow. thats excellent. can't WAIT to read the next story :)
8WrittenI just want to let you know that the reCaptcha thing to sign in made me type "re purchasers" haha. what.
anyway. WHAT, IT'S OVER?
haha.
okay. so let's start from the top. I love finn and forrester together and how he always loses and just yeah haha. love them.
lina's sister haha. I want to know her.
you know what theme song I find annoying? the one to the show "psych" AGH. it makes my brain melt. like, it doesnt start off bad but the chorus makes me wanna die.
anyway... tangent.
okay, so I wonder if he really DOESN'T like carrie? all this time I'd been sort of rooting for them to be together but... well, I guess it will be interesting to see how they are in the next story.
I like that Lina reveals that she lied about Mer. and uh... HAHAH the end... wow. thats excellent. can't WAIT to read the next story :)
12/30/2008 c8 4GrannyP
Wow, you're finished already? Gosh, it seems like just yesterday When I started reading on this!
So your use of present tense intrigues me, and I would like to subscribe to your monthly newsletter. Is that possible? Perhaps? No? Darn.
I have never seen the OC, for the record, and honestly, I have no desire to. But all theme songs get annoying after the third or fourth time, especially on a DVD, where they could just show the theme at the beginning of the DVD and not before EVERY FLIPPIN episode! Finn knows what he's talking about there anyway.
So it's interesting where you leave things off with Finn and Carrie. I wonder if they are really okay? We'll see, if you are continuing this from another POV story.
Time for dinner now.
4GrannyPWow, you're finished already? Gosh, it seems like just yesterday When I started reading on this!
So your use of present tense intrigues me, and I would like to subscribe to your monthly newsletter. Is that possible? Perhaps? No? Darn.
I have never seen the OC, for the record, and honestly, I have no desire to. But all theme songs get annoying after the third or fourth time, especially on a DVD, where they could just show the theme at the beginning of the DVD and not before EVERY FLIPPIN episode! Finn knows what he's talking about there anyway.
So it's interesting where you leave things off with Finn and Carrie. I wonder if they are really okay? We'll see, if you are continuing this from another POV story.
Time for dinner now.
12/30/2008 c7 GrannyP Again
Hey, sorry for my abrupt review on this chapter. I was (am?) having some emotional issues and a proper review probably would not have been a good idea at the time.
Anyway, I was kind of sad to see that Finn bolted instead of at least staying for some awkward apology or something, but I guess Lina has been rubbing off on him or something. And it's interesting that we don't REALLY know how Carie feels about the whole situation. Like, okay, she's obviously mad or embarrassed or something, but WHY exactly? Because she feels violated? Or because Finn actually left? Maybe she liked him and now she feels completely rejected. It doesn't matter what anyone says - people lie - so we don't really know what's going on in her mind. Haha!
Poor Joe. But really, poor Finn, for not knowing.
Hey, sorry for my abrupt review on this chapter. I was (am?) having some emotional issues and a proper review probably would not have been a good idea at the time.
Anyway, I was kind of sad to see that Finn bolted instead of at least staying for some awkward apology or something, but I guess Lina has been rubbing off on him or something. And it's interesting that we don't REALLY know how Carie feels about the whole situation. Like, okay, she's obviously mad or embarrassed or something, but WHY exactly? Because she feels violated? Or because Finn actually left? Maybe she liked him and now she feels completely rejected. It doesn't matter what anyone says - people lie - so we don't really know what's going on in her mind. Haha!
Poor Joe. But really, poor Finn, for not knowing.
12/26/2008 c3 12345DoesNotExist
Review Game!
So... I really like this story. Love it, actually.
Your writing style is amazing, and I feel like I'm in the action, which is nice. Can't find any grammar/mechanics errors, which make me love you even more.
...Not seeing anything I don't like.
Your characters feel real, and your dialog feels natural.
Like your first sentences too (in all the chapters up to this point), they draw you into everything nicely.
So, great job!
~Me.
Review Game!
So... I really like this story. Love it, actually.
Your writing style is amazing, and I feel like I'm in the action, which is nice. Can't find any grammar/mechanics errors, which make me love you even more.
...Not seeing anything I don't like.
Your characters feel real, and your dialog feels natural.
Like your first sentences too (in all the chapters up to this point), they draw you into everything nicely.
So, great job!
~Me.
12/24/2008 c7 11vrivasfl
The first thing I thought after Finn bolted was "Call Joe. Yeah. That seems to be the best option. I can't think of anything wrong with calling him. He's been pretty neutral this whole time." SCRATCH THAT! Looks like Finn and I had the same idea, and it was wrong. I can see how easy it is ti slip into this situation. I can honestly say that crush came out of nowhere to me, and I was flashing a grin when Forrester revealed it. That was a twist well-respecting of a congratulations.
Also, is it me or is there a lot more cursing going on here than at the beginning of the story? It seems to be progressively getting more. Not that it's a problem, it's just noticeable.
The best thing I like about this story is that it makes mountains out of molehills (like the coffee names) and it never gets around the solving to main problem, which is really comical and the non-sequetors are really funny.
Shame on you for such a long wait! You better not take that long for the next update!
11vrivasflThe first thing I thought after Finn bolted was "Call Joe. Yeah. That seems to be the best option. I can't think of anything wrong with calling him. He's been pretty neutral this whole time." SCRATCH THAT! Looks like Finn and I had the same idea, and it was wrong. I can see how easy it is ti slip into this situation. I can honestly say that crush came out of nowhere to me, and I was flashing a grin when Forrester revealed it. That was a twist well-respecting of a congratulations.
Also, is it me or is there a lot more cursing going on here than at the beginning of the story? It seems to be progressively getting more. Not that it's a problem, it's just noticeable.
The best thing I like about this story is that it makes mountains out of molehills (like the coffee names) and it never gets around the solving to main problem, which is really comical and the non-sequetors are really funny.
Shame on you for such a long wait! You better not take that long for the next update!
12/24/2008 c7 8Written
I HOPE YOU DIDN'T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU. because I didn't. my browser was doing this stupid thing where fictionpress wouldn't work, so I thought FP was down until I realized I could access it through internet explorer. anyway, long story short, I fixed my browser and everything is now fine. SIGH.
thanks for your reviews bee tee doubleyou! they made me laugh for like five hours.
approximately.
ANYWAY.
this will be my first? review to you since I got my new laptop with a working keyboard? YAY.
[After he pulls back, Carrie is staring at him with this dazed expression, like she can’t quite understand what just happened. ]
yeah, me and her both! and finn too I suppose. I have to say though, making out is way better than the OC. but I dont watch the OC, so I have no idea if that's true. also, they didn't really make OUT, they just kissed, right? so who knows.
but then he BOLTS? oh, YOU.
oh finn, too.
and oh, poor "charlie"'s mom! haha. of course she doesn't want to pick him up, given what happened last time.
and even if Finn doesn't know why he did it, it being kissing her, I think the rest of us know why.
seriously.
[“caramel macchiato” and “chai latte,”]
I have trouble with this too. my friends think that because i'm indian, i should be a chai goddess, but knowing how to make chai and understanding coffee shops are two very different beasts.
[(like his dad gets; black, no cream, no sugar—real men drink it black)]
seriously... but also, ew. hahaha, I can't drink coffee. but I'll agree with the sentiment.
poor joe! this is very sad for him, I feel.
[The grin snaps off of Forrester’s face and is immediately replaced by a look of utter bewilderment.]
I love their drama! they seem like my friends hahaha. and how and why did Finn not realize Joe had a crush on her given his coffee shop reaction? OH, BOYS.
I LOVE lina. can I just put that out there? LOVE. It's nice to see her in a role outside of brooding about her own man troubles, I guess. she's so great, it's amazing.
anyway... nice to see finn get himself into trouble. I hope there's a happy ending in sight? AAH.
8WrittenI HOPE YOU DIDN'T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU. because I didn't. my browser was doing this stupid thing where fictionpress wouldn't work, so I thought FP was down until I realized I could access it through internet explorer. anyway, long story short, I fixed my browser and everything is now fine. SIGH.
thanks for your reviews bee tee doubleyou! they made me laugh for like five hours.
approximately.
ANYWAY.
this will be my first? review to you since I got my new laptop with a working keyboard? YAY.
[After he pulls back, Carrie is staring at him with this dazed expression, like she can’t quite understand what just happened. ]
yeah, me and her both! and finn too I suppose. I have to say though, making out is way better than the OC. but I dont watch the OC, so I have no idea if that's true. also, they didn't really make OUT, they just kissed, right? so who knows.
but then he BOLTS? oh, YOU.
oh finn, too.
and oh, poor "charlie"'s mom! haha. of course she doesn't want to pick him up, given what happened last time.
and even if Finn doesn't know why he did it, it being kissing her, I think the rest of us know why.
seriously.
[“caramel macchiato” and “chai latte,”]
I have trouble with this too. my friends think that because i'm indian, i should be a chai goddess, but knowing how to make chai and understanding coffee shops are two very different beasts.
[(like his dad gets; black, no cream, no sugar—real men drink it black)]
seriously... but also, ew. hahaha, I can't drink coffee. but I'll agree with the sentiment.
poor joe! this is very sad for him, I feel.
[The grin snaps off of Forrester’s face and is immediately replaced by a look of utter bewilderment.]
I love their drama! they seem like my friends hahaha. and how and why did Finn not realize Joe had a crush on her given his coffee shop reaction? OH, BOYS.
I LOVE lina. can I just put that out there? LOVE. It's nice to see her in a role outside of brooding about her own man troubles, I guess. she's so great, it's amazing.
anyway... nice to see finn get himself into trouble. I hope there's a happy ending in sight? AAH.
11/11/2008 c1 4Imalefty
a review from the review game in celebration of its first birthday! :)
Okay, I didn’t read “That Same Mistake,” but I’m going to try to jump right into the sequel anyway! XD
Love your beginning – I like your use of the present tense. :) It feels more active and engaging. I also like how your characters interact and how you don’t give away too much of the rest of the story in the first few paragraphs. It’s a nice intro to the characters.
Hahaha nice intro to relationship drama – I guess it would help if I’d had a little background on these characters, but you write them well enough that they stand alone as they are.
Yes, I suppose it would be easier for me to read if I’d read the sequel – then I would know about the previous story and who all these new characters are (Carrie, Joe, Charlie…). But as it is, I’m already interested and I haven’t even read the prequel! So good job! :)
I would suggest a bit more description of characters and setting (well, I’m guessing you covered that in the prequel… but it wouldn’t hurt to put a little more in this one, too…)
Anyway, good job so far. Keep writing! :)
-Lefty
4Imaleftya review from the review game in celebration of its first birthday! :)
Okay, I didn’t read “That Same Mistake,” but I’m going to try to jump right into the sequel anyway! XD
Love your beginning – I like your use of the present tense. :) It feels more active and engaging. I also like how your characters interact and how you don’t give away too much of the rest of the story in the first few paragraphs. It’s a nice intro to the characters.
Hahaha nice intro to relationship drama – I guess it would help if I’d had a little background on these characters, but you write them well enough that they stand alone as they are.
Yes, I suppose it would be easier for me to read if I’d read the sequel – then I would know about the previous story and who all these new characters are (Carrie, Joe, Charlie…). But as it is, I’m already interested and I haven’t even read the prequel! So good job! :)
I would suggest a bit more description of characters and setting (well, I’m guessing you covered that in the prequel… but it wouldn’t hurt to put a little more in this one, too…)
Anyway, good job so far. Keep writing! :)
-Lefty