for but you broke me7/9/2008 c1 
47Duzzie
I love your style.
It's very, very flowing and leaves a strong impression on the reader. I'm not sure I've grasped everything you were trying to say, so I'm going to read it again, but the words were beautiful and it has made me connect (schema!) and fit things from this small story to things in my own life. That's the best type of poetry, I think.
The author's note is just my style too.
47DuzzieI love your style.
It's very, very flowing and leaves a strong impression on the reader. I'm not sure I've grasped everything you were trying to say, so I'm going to read it again, but the words were beautiful and it has made me connect (schema!) and fit things from this small story to things in my own life. That's the best type of poetry, I think.
The author's note is just my style too.
7/8/2008 c1 24ilovetheopera
your linebreaks are v well placed esp the last 6 lines.
"you rush past in a flurry of awkward/ness and disregard" reminds me of cummings, in a good way, he tended to use adjectives as nouns etc.
and anyway, "never leave me/enough time to (re)build them" was a very good ending.
24ilovetheoperayour linebreaks are v well placed esp the last 6 lines.
"you rush past in a flurry of awkward/ness and disregard" reminds me of cummings, in a good way, he tended to use adjectives as nouns etc.
and anyway, "never leave me/enough time to (re)build them" was a very good ending.
7/8/2008 c1 4Daen the Emo Bard
I love the broken nature of your sentences and their placement upon the page. I also have a soft spot for multi-clause poetics, so I shall simply say "well done."
4Daen the Emo BardI love the broken nature of your sentences and their placement upon the page. I also have a soft spot for multi-clause poetics, so I shall simply say "well done."
7/7/2008 c1 Jubileyn
This is... well, it has me speechless. Incredibly good writing, the imagery is out of this world, and you seem to use exactly the right words. Reading this was like having all the air sucked out of me, in a good, yet slightly painful way.
This is... well, it has me speechless. Incredibly good writing, the imagery is out of this world, and you seem to use exactly the right words. Reading this was like having all the air sucked out of me, in a good, yet slightly painful way.
7/7/2008 c1 113403 Forbidden
I like how you expressed your emotions so clearly without making the poem a whiny rant. The lines "the pungent smell of your silence oozes/through the cracks in my broken walls and/dribbles down decaying" are really good, the way you made the silence sound so vile and disgusting. I think your use of perentheses in the poem was nice, managing to not get in the way of other words. I wonder, however, if you really needed to separate "akward/ness" into two lines, although it doesn't hurt the poem in the same way using "graceful/ness" or some other non-awkward word might. All in all very good.
-Peace out.
113403 ForbiddenI like how you expressed your emotions so clearly without making the poem a whiny rant. The lines "the pungent smell of your silence oozes/through the cracks in my broken walls and/dribbles down decaying" are really good, the way you made the silence sound so vile and disgusting. I think your use of perentheses in the poem was nice, managing to not get in the way of other words. I wonder, however, if you really needed to separate "akward/ness" into two lines, although it doesn't hurt the poem in the same way using "graceful/ness" or some other non-awkward word might. All in all very good.
-Peace out.
7/4/2008 c1 97rust phoenix
Thank you for your very in-depth review on She never came down.
I like this, it's very creative and the title grabbed my attention and is fitting. I like your word choice, even though I don't understand the entire thing, but the mood comes through. I love the bit about words rustling past lips, and the flurry of awkwardness and disregard. Interesting read.
97rust phoenixThank you for your very in-depth review on She never came down.
I like this, it's very creative and the title grabbed my attention and is fitting. I like your word choice, even though I don't understand the entire thing, but the mood comes through. I love the bit about words rustling past lips, and the flurry of awkwardness and disregard. Interesting read.
7/2/2008 c1 332smile for the sunshine
i can relate to this completely. you conveyed it better than i ever did, though. this was beautiful.
332smile for the sunshinei can relate to this completely. you conveyed it better than i ever did, though. this was beautiful.