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9/14/2012 c14 19Anihyr Moonstar
I like the sense of confusion inherent in this. It says a lot about that feeling of empty directionlessness often associated with night. I don't really get a very "deep" sense of meaning out of it, though. It feels, again, a little too vague to pull anything specific out of it and say, "Ah yes, *this*...this is great."

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c13 Anihyr Moonstar
This! This is another favorite, definitely. I love it. The message behind it is so perfect, I want to scoop it up and save it and just remember it forever. You do a fantastic job with this - using *just* the right words and all the right comparisons and just...envy. I envy your ability to write this well.

I really like the way you worked the contrast between the two "types" of people, emphasizing not the question itself but the *intent* behind it. Because it's so true that the same words can be spoken for totally different reasons, and what's important is the depth of meaning - is this a question asked in earnest, or for show? Is it for selfish reasons, or for an honest desire to help? Etc., etc..

Very, very nice work. :)

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c12 Anihyr Moonstar
I like the idea behind this. It manages to double as a metaphor for just about anyone who gives up on a part of themself or their identity because they're afraid to show it, and that stands out really nicely.

I especially like the middle stanza - [not a perfect song / but each note / my own] - as that's the point were it really drills home the point that "good" isn't defined by "perfect", and even that the point in doing *anything* isn't to achieve perfection - its to better yourself and live your own life (without letting fear of outside opinions interfere with being who you are, etc.). Anyway. I'll quit my psychological rambling.

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c11 Anihyr Moonstar
Love this one, honestly. It stands out to me in a lot of ways. The first "sentence" (broken up into six lines) is probably my favorite of them all, simply because it's so original.

The *idea* of the piece, once I get to the end, isn't original at all, but you manage to paint it in a way that really, really works. Instead of being dry and eye-roll inducing, it's inventive and engaging, and it gets the point across very well. Highly enjoyed it - one of my favorite pieces of yours yet.

- Moonstar, Courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon - link in my profile
9/14/2012 c10 Anihyr Moonstar
I like the story told in this. It manages to be fragmented, but powerful - the build up and then gradual break apart.

I'm thrown off by the format, though. I know it can serve a purpose to vary up the pace and appearance of the reading, but to me seeing words mashed together without spaces, and words pressed right up against commas is distracting and (personally) doesn't add much/anything to the flow of it, other than looking wrong to me. But, just an opinion.

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c9 Anihyr Moonstar
Love the imagery painted in this. Very vivid, and it comes to the forefront immediately.

I also like the "story" to it. The gradual build-up from the rubble, and the fact thaht the narrator isn't even bitter, but instead forgiving and optimistic. It all has a very uplifting, gradual progression towards triumphant type of feel to it.

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c7 Anihyr Moonstar
I like the mood of this. It gives the reader a sense of a truly dreamlike, suspended state - absent of the world's cares. The imagery is also nice - surreal but peaceful. I have a little trouble placing myself, though.

When I read, I automatically try to determine what/who/where I am, and at first I thought I was in water, but by the end, I feel kind of like I'm just a speck of dust suspended in space, looking down over the world. Maybe the disorientation isn't bad, though - the piece itself is happy, but abstract. All in all, enjoyable in my book. :)

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c5 Anihyr Moonstar
The build-up of anticipation in this is awesome. I found myself trying to do the thing I do when I read fiction and get to an exciting part - start jumping down lines trying to figure out immediately what this thing we're leading up to is (cheating, of course, and I have to quell the urge, but sometimes it's hard). So I think it's impressive you got that strong feel of expectation woven into a poem.

I'm frustrated by the "solution" of that anticipation, though. What was said? What actually happened? It builds and builds and then suddenly the moment has passed with just an [i did it] and I feel like I was robbed of know what the *it* is. Maybe it's just me being frustrated with too much "vague", but I still have that itch that hasn't been scratched feeling. Ah well. You partially make up for it with a lovely closing stanza.

- Moonstar, Courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon - link in my profile
9/14/2012 c4 Anihyr Moonstar
Hn. This one's tougher. I really like the opening stanza - the simile is fresh, amusing, and almost nostalgic (tying childhood memories into more serious adult desires). I don't like the transition between the two pieces as much though. It feels almost as if they don't quite fit together.

Is it that this person has died (not the "I" character, but the "you" character)? That must be it, actually - it makes sense with the title "legacy". Took me a bit to catch on. That adds a much rawer aspect of depth to it...very nice. Maybe a bit disjointed, but in the end, I think it works well.

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c3 Anihyr Moonstar
Ouch. I love the story told in this. You manage to make it strikingly vivid - as though you're compressing an entire crime/mystery/psychological thriller and romance into just a few short lines - without one word wasted.

This is my favorite portion [your wife / is fine until / we ask how / she is, at which / point she cries.] Very strong, and true to life, too. The last line was a very close second though - it really makes the reader feel for him and want to help somehow. Nice job.

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c2 Anihyr Moonstar
Interesting. I like the way this is sharp with relatable details, and yet still vague enough that it still leaves the reader wondering precisely what's going on. It keeps the reader engaged not only during the reading, but afterwards, as I try to piece together the details and make it a whole picture.

The fact that it's told from a gender-neutral is also nice (expected in an "autobiography", but still). It adds to the range of interpretations that could be applied to it. Neat piece. :)

- Moonstar
9/14/2012 c1 Anihyr Moonstar
My favorite lines in this are the opening - [it's a feeling / like the only checkmark in / 'other'] - and the closing [I sing out / of key in the ever- / changing octave of / nothing everything / anything.] The opening is just such a great metaphor I can't help but pick it out and love it - very original, but very precise, too. And I think the closing is great because it sums up the whole building feel of dissonance created through the poem - abstract and out of place, characterized by words used when you can't be more specific because there doesn't exist a category that's right.

I don't like the places where you split up whole words [Displa / yed ] and [under stand], because that feels a little *too* broken for me (and as a writer of prose, I can't help but see them as "mistakes"), but with poetry it's more a matter of taste, so you can take the comment for what it's worth. All in all, I think it was very nicely done. :)

- Moonstar, Courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon - link in profile
9/13/2012 c40 105a theoretic revolution
i like the honesty in this; your words are beautiful and captivating as always, keep it up!
9/10/2012 c11 7LovelySocks
Wow. I could never in my wildest dreams (which get pretty darn wild) write anything to come close to the level of this piece. It seems a lot of people are talking about using defense mechanisms such as anger to hide insecurity, but they all seem empty. This one is more sincere, and the last three lines left me stunned. Brilliance! I have yet to find a mistake in your writing.
8/22/2012 c33 105a theoretic revolution
i like the honesty in this (and also in ch 34), especially the last stanza."and try to fall asleep,/because i can think/of nothing/to say"- sounds like something i would do!
good job, keep it up. :)
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