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7/24/2008 c2 179NearlyPrescient
great.

very dark, but it feels like there's a tangible underlying theme of hope.

I think you handle her brother well. its plain that they're close but still only siblings. if you hadn't handled it so well, i think it would have made things very awkward, but you manage with flying colors.
7/19/2008 c2 1Uniquely Proud
Hi!

In my opinion, I think that the first chapter was much more captivating. That caught my attention. This chapter started out great but then things just got too normal and cliche-ish.

I look forward to read the next chapters though! =)
7/18/2008 c2 Counting Petals
"I was still here, they now just had to put up with hiding what I had done." And then you go on to have Ari say the exact same thing in the next paragraph. I thought this was a little repetitive, and I'd take one of them out...probably her narration, since it's part of the conversation, anyway. Other than that, though, good.
7/5/2008 c1 Uniquely Proud
Hello. Great chapter. Love to read furthur about this. Update soon! =)
7/5/2008 c1 Counting Petals
You know what I've come to hate about most literature? That all the MCs are perfect, and everything's all rainbows and butterflies. However, I know from personal experience that this isn't the case, and I always find it refreshing to see characters actually trying to overcome something.

And by the way, there wasn't really anything wrong that I could see, just a missing period at the end of “Ari, hurry up! I need to pee”

I hope you update soon!

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