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for I, Veiser

10/23/2008 c1 11BigGriffin
A pretty good story line, the names are a bit confusing.

I'd say a pretty good read except the constant little grammar errors kill me lol
10/22/2008 c6 JaveHarron
I'm liking this very much so far. I get reminded of Herbert's style quite a bit, and the cast is quite interesting so far. The Heralds seem like a more rationalistic Bene Gessarit.
10/21/2008 c13 TSJames
Only one problem presents itself immediately to my mind: too infrequent updates. I am only joking, I know that sometimes it is difficult to get the words down, and sometimes it seems your inspiration has taken an extended leave of abscence.

The duel was well-written, dynamic without too much clutter of description.

Paragraph 6: "trying to ignore the smell of sweaty insides of his dueling helmet" I think you're missing a word in here, possibly a "the" before "sweaty insides." Aside from that, I didn't pick up on an irregularities in grammar or spelling.

Keep up the good work, and post 14 soon!
10/19/2008 c12 TSJames
Thanks for reviewing/favouriting my story. Dune was definitely a huge influence on Apanté, and if you've read Asimov's Foundation, you'll see Trantor make an appearance of its own.

I'm definitely enjoying your story. The characters are very three-dimensional, which is important in sci-fi, and space opera in particular. The multitude of story threads also make for a compelling read, since at every moment I'm wondering when you'll get back to the other ones.

There's enough backstory presented to keep me hooked, and not so much that I'm overwhelmed, or so little that I get lost.

And the epigraphs! Good sources, relevant quotes, good introductions. A Herbert nod of your own, mayhap?

I am interested to see where this one goes...

Keep it up.
10/18/2008 c4 JaveHarron
Interesting spacecraft and tactics. However, do the Genies lack advanced AI instead of relying on an exotic guidance system like that for their weapons?
10/18/2008 c3 619Jave Harron
I'm enjoying this story very much. Your mention of Art Deco did make me smile, since that is a favorite architecture style of mine.
10/17/2008 c2 JaveHarron
You're off to an awesome start here! I did enjoy the descriptions of the settings and characters. I could not help but notice a seemingly conventional handgun. Is it likely some caseless ammo using (but otherwise conventional) slugthrower? It seems a bit primitive for a society in the far future lead by the ultra-intelligent, but then again, these are lower class revolutionaries.
10/13/2008 c1 5MikeBond
I really liked what i have read so far you painted a really detailed vision of the world that Quontin Clondorin lives in and also gave us some infomation about the character himself really good job
10/2/2008 c1 25Damien21
awesome but watch spelling like... liting is lighting.
8/17/2008 c1 AESIM
as everyone else has stated its incredibly engrossing, the doranin character especially caught me attention
8/14/2008 c2 1P-123456789
It's compelling. Political machinations and intrigues make engrossing backdrops for tales of all kinds.

However, the sudden thrust into these events is a little alienating.

But you describe and detail very well.
7/15/2008 c1 grayperiod
Aside from some slight grammatical errors, this was pretty good. I loved how noirish it felt. It reminded me quite a bit of Blade Runner. Did you get any inspiration from that?

Anyway, please continue adding more.
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