Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Fall of Light

8/26/2008 c1 9Phoebe Majere
I LOVE IT SO FAR! I realize it's only the first chapter and you're far from this point anyways, but I just have to say that I love your idea of how this happens. I love Persephone's stubbornness :D
8/26/2008 c12 Mystical Daunting
Ok, so he does kidnap her. but at least she kinda liked him beforehand. Wow, that last sentence I wrote sounded really juv. Great chapter!
8/26/2008 c8 Mystical Daunting
I am in absolute awe of your writing. It's just so good! I like the twist you put on this myth. I like this version better than Hades kidnapping her.

-Mystical Daunting-
8/25/2008 c12 2Buri-kun
that was fast! he just up and got her...wow.

but isn't she not yet 'her majesty' b/c she didn't eat the pomegranate?

good job!
8/24/2008 c11 hopelessy hopless romantic
ug! update update update! Stupid cliff hangers... they always make me so darn antsy!

Anyways, I love the hades/persephone myth, and this is an amazing twist on the story! please write more!
8/19/2008 c11 6MissxLynn227
I liked this, you really gave me a different view of Hades than normal. Good job! Please update soon!
8/19/2008 c11 1Anna Y.C
Oh my word! This has to be the thing which makes her doomed to be with Hades isn't it? Hades must have gotten awfully jealous with Apollo. Don't worry to much about those reviews. I don't find anything odd about the sentences other than the occasional mistake. Oh and good job on this chapter! No spelling errors as far as I can see! love the drawing of the flower. I could use some help in building up a good plot like this! Good luck for college, it is very tough, thanks for updating though. But studies first for just these few weeks alright?
8/18/2008 c11 Anuphic Kaion
Now I really can't wait till the next chapter! XD
8/18/2008 c11 82Isabella22
Oh snap!

Why did you have to stop there!

(The flower sounded incredible!)
8/17/2008 c10 Anuphic Kaion
Aw... Cute Cerberus ^^ XD Can't wait till the next chappie!
8/17/2008 c2 103Jesse the Storyteller
The long list of all her friends and what they symbolize is annoying. I think you could cut out one or two friends from that picture, since to keep track of so many characters in a reader's mind is rather difficult to pull off.

"Deimos screamed as he his behind Persephone" You randomly switched to present tense. I think you mean was... wait. You said his not is. o.O definitely confused now.

Okay, Persephone and her "um, hello! Where have you lyk omg been!" is... really annoying. I hope you don't know anyone who actually talks like that.

You definitely need to cut out a few of the characters in this scene - they're really hard to keep track of. Plus, saying everyone's name in every sentence so that we can follow along is tedious and distracts from the story.

All the characters talking and playfully making corny jokes does not come off well. We don't know them well enough and their personalities are not bold enough to create interesting enough dynamics here.

"Your friends need your support and se does your mother" so instead of se.

Your story started out really cute with the fun way you treat the gods and goddesses, but... this second chapter became really immature and juvenile really fast and so many characters were introduced that all seem to have the exact same personality.

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
8/17/2008 c1 Jesse the Storyteller
"down Mount Olympus . As" ... the space before the period is unneeded. :P

"Hephaestus smile, his deformity.." smiled?

"connecting to the chair/seat" ... I think that is unneeded as well. Pick either chair or seat.

"it put strain on Chaos" I think you mean puts. That entire sentence is weird... is the strain what makes the earth turn? Confusion!

"I’m frightened!" Putting the exclamation point on the end makes her sound like an airhead. If it's a period it sounds quieter, like actual fear. Unless you're trying to make her an airhead, hahaha...

At the end, I wish you had more sentences with action in them so it isn't like all dialogue. Describing them flying in the chariot or something.

I think it's hilarious what you're doing by taking the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece and making them modern-times-ish. :P The idea of Demeter beating on her daughter's door is hilarious. Can't wait to see where you go with this!

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
8/16/2008 c10 1Anna Y.C
i love this. i can not wait for chapter 11 but i positively love the drawings they are impossibly good!
8/14/2008 c10 82Isabella22
LOL! Cerberus sounds cute, though weird.

I wonder why Hades was so spazzy about the pearls! Are they possibly for Persephone? Update soon, I can't wait! :D
8/13/2008 c9 Anuphic Kaion
I love this story! ^^ XD
173 « Prev Page 1 .. 7 8 9 10 11 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service