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for The Fall of Light

2/17/2009 c18 Buri-kun
Hm...Well then.

I'm somewhat confused. I thought Hecate was a Shade? Don't Shades not feel emotion or have memories, so how can Hecate 'love him as a brother'? also, her reaction seemed to me to be one of jealousy of Persephone...were you intending for that to happen?

I kinda feel that Persephone is using all her 'charms' (making flowers, being somewhat nice) to have Hades let her out. That, combined with the fact that she's lusting after him, makes me go "AARGHGH! You insensitive, using-people-until- theyre-empty-shells sad sad person!" And wouldn't she realize that turning on all her charms would only keep Hades determined to keep her in his realm?

and about this line...“Why did I kiss you? Why did I do that?” I have a bit of a bone to pick...While it does very well illustrate that she's lusting after him and is confused by the absence of love, it feels a little too BLATANT. Like, the cogs are going, "oh no, i shoudln't be doing this, but i want to, etc' ...wouldn't it be better to show that, not tell? The readers aren't quite that dumb, you know. (I'm not saying this in a mean way, but maybe work on your exposition of emotions a bit?)

also, i like these parts of the narrative: “I think we should find out which one that is.” and "... but why was he not experiencing any joy out of it?Hades’s heart felt like it had been crushed." That really makes Hades an interesting character...I didn't think that he would distinguish between love and lust (him being a bit of a recluse would contribute to that). Also, the fact that he's not quite carried away yet when he is professedly so far in love and hasn't had that kind of contact (ever?) either makes him very calculating or or (probably the latter) a very firm romantic (surprising, kind of- after all, you wouldn't think that the underworld, full of the dead, is an idea place for that sort of a thing,). for him to be (what is in my mind) a very old- fashioned gentleman is surprising (and also) quite a happy development . makes the narrative seem more 'olden-day' According to what we're fed nowadays, males are lusty and uncontrollable (the view of popular media at any rate) , so having a person as the polar oppoosite of that makes me go " SQUUEE~! YAY!"

But the most major bone i have to pick about this chappie is this: Persephone looked down at Hades with glazed eyes. “But I want to,” she pleaded as she placed a delicate hand on his cheek.

“When you really love me, you can have me,” he said determined as he sat up.

The 'glazed eyes' part is really good, showing just how far gone Persephone really is, but it's what Hades says afterward that makes me go "grargh! "

I mean, "When you love me, you can have me?" really, now? sounds like something out of a bad soap opera. while i agree that something of that sort is necessary, please make it sound a litlee less cheesy? also, a statement like that would be pretty easy to deny..."but i do love you, etc." and so forth.

perhaps even if you kept the line, but have him mutter it or whisper it, it would make a better impact. i'm picturing him saying it in a normal tone of voice, which isn't ideal for the full effect. a lower voice would make it sound a bit more personal...

allrighty then, i really enjoyed the chappie! keep up the good work! thank you very much :P

I'm sorry if i'm being a bit harsh/ mean/ demanding...please tell me if you don't like it...

can't wait for moarmoarmoarmoarmoar!

2/17/2009 c18 Anna
Yayayayaya! You updated! Great valentine's present :) Keep it up! I'm so happy he didn't take advantage of her!
2/16/2009 c17 6LaughsWithTears
I really LOVE it! YOu need to write MORE!
2/15/2009 c17 Irish Silver
2/13/2009 c17 hp.st13
Please update soon!'

This is written so well, I felt like I could feel Hades pain and even Persephone's fear!

I especially loved those little flashback of Hades. It's quite funny how he ended up suggesting what her name would be... XP

Awesome story so far!

2/12/2009 c17 Strawdygrl
Ok, that's it. I love Hades! I love this story and everything about it. Never stop writing. You both have talent. Thank you for using it to make such a beautiful story!
2/12/2009 c12 Strawdygrl
NO! She is supposed to like Hades! Not hate him! What happened to all that? *Sigh* Ok, I know you have a plan and I will stick with it...but please, think of Hades...you have made him seem so amazing that if Persephone doesn't agree to be with him, I will! LOL No matter what, I will read faitfully.
2/12/2009 c8 Strawdygrl
Ok, this is going on my favorites list! I am a big fan of stories that favor bad guys...especially when they make the bad guys actual good guys at heart. I am also very into Greek and Roman Mythology, although I don't know everything about it, so this story is just my thing! Keep writing.
2/11/2009 c16 Miho
EHMAGAWSH! This is so good! Hades has always been my favorite Greek God! ;) But the weird thing is, I cried when I read the last part... *sniff* 0.o Anyways, this is AWESOME! ~Miho
1/28/2009 c17 Torn Silver
That was great!
1/27/2009 c17 9Phoebe Majere
AH! I wanted to squeal with delight at what Persephone was saying :D Ahh...she's finally coming to her sense now!
1/27/2009 c17 MonkeyEyes
Oh monkeys...Hades is making it so hard not to like him. I'm trying to hold out until Persephone gives in...but it is becoming mighty difficult. Thanks for the chapter!
1/26/2009 c17 9MaskedNightingale
She really loves him I know it.

Please update soon. I absolutely love this story.
1/26/2009 c7 MaskedNightingale
Poor Persephone
1/26/2009 c4 MaskedNightingale
Not a good idea, but I have a feeling its going to be exciting to read.
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