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for The Fall of Light

9/8/2008 c14 1Anna Y.C
hello again! I love this chapter. This is seriously one of your best. I am now really quite in love with Hades, he almost looks like Adrien Brody in King Kong. Only a little slight problem with Persephone waking up. I had to remember she had fallen asleep. it might help if you put the "few hours later" before she opened her eyes. before that paragraph would make it seem she was fake sleeping (a little). But you can still grasp the idea. Thanks for updating, good luck!
9/7/2008 c13 82Isabella22
Poor Persephone. But i want romance! (:

What happened to the baby?
9/7/2008 c14 Isabella22
Okay that was a weird chapter.

Update I wanna know what happens next. :D
9/7/2008 c14 9Phoebe Majere
STUPID GIRL! I loved it though when she couldn't remember who she was and her...bluntness. I wish this story were very true or a movie so I could see his expression! God, it would've been wonderful! Please update very soon and don't leave all us devoted readers in the mist.
9/5/2008 c5 1philia-calliope
"Yet something drew her to his eyes, they were so young... but somehow they appeared to have seen a thousand hardships and a million struggles. They were a swimming green that spoke a thousand words yet never uttered a single one."
9/5/2008 c4 philia-calliope
OOH, a dare is always good...;)

Again, I'm loving your style. What is appealing about Persephone, here, is that she is innocent and naive, but with that girlish edge of excitement and adventure. It's cute and a well-BLENDED portrayal.

I also notice, you're on (We are too). We're new to fictionpress...actually, we're (as a trio) are new to the whole mythology-writing thing altogether, even though we all love it. Oh, but another friend and I do write for "class of the titans". Have you seen that? AWESOME, AWESOME show for Greek mythology buffs.

Ok, enough about me and that! Now, I would like to offer some advice (not because you NEED it) but because it makes any author's writing richer to be aware of it. When writing description, which you seem to have done well with, thus far. Here goes:

Let me tell you about "Showing" verse "Telling" with description. This has been DRUMMED into me, by all my English teachers, and various authors I've workshopped with. It's a very good thing and makes the writing MUCH richer. I'm going to explain it with examples first, otherwise I run the risk of making no sense :)

Here is a "telling" description and a "showing description" or hot day and its effects:

TELLING: "It was an extremely hot day. The sun was shining ridiculously bright, and the heat was unbearable. I was sweating because of the overbearing warmth, and the sidewalk was burning."

SHOWING:"I stood on the pavement, the cement under my feet burning with the intensity of hot coals. Clearly, the sun had wreaked its vengeance on those of inanimate as well as those of us who truly do wilt in its cruel game. Even the trees appeared limp, exhausted in the sweltering environment from which they had no escape,"

Do you see how SHOWING invites the reader to FEEL and view the EFFECTS of the heat, rather than straight off saying it was hot? I hope I'm making sense...showing basically paints the picture for the viewer, while telling…yells it out blatantly without a sense of mystery or inclusion.

Yeah...I know that is a huge load, but I wanted to tell you, because I truly think your writing is grat, and I only tell this to people with real potenial. I'm definitely a fan(and the remaining 2/3 will be too! Once I get them into this!) will also be, soon! Keep up the great work and intriguing storyline!
9/5/2008 c3 philia-calliope
Still dazzeling diamond...only 1/3 of the trio that is "Philia-Calliope".

Ok, now you have me HOOKED. One of my favourite things about this chapter was how you wrote the interactions between the Gods. The comments about Athena having a mortal accent there being another trojan war, the way they discussed Penelope...almost like gossip!

My fave lines were:

Demeter laughed, "I wonder what goes through that man's head besides sex and war."


“Everyone, please... quiet down, now." Hermes tried to get the crowd's attention, but it wasn't quite working out in his favor, "Shut up, people!"

I think it's brilliant, I'm totally loving how you write the Gods. The descriptions of the thrones were stunning, they painted a vivid (but no so vivd that it was straightforward and boring)mental imagery. Also, nice levelling of Zeus and Poseidon, using the images of the thrones to show their relationship was really good, too.

I'm UBER hooked now!
9/5/2008 c2 philia-calliope
Still dazzeling diamond here.

Wow, nice foregrounding! With the whole "time of your life" and "make it worthwhile thing". It's quite good, because it makes the reader feel like their in on some secret, while the main character is still struggling!

I'm really enjoying your style of writing, it's so easy to digest, yet it doesn't seem to lack any flavour. Deimos was funny, tee hee, scared of everything! How would you feel being the god of fear...of all things, lol.

Persephone's interaction with Poseidon was interesting. There is a modern sense about the characters, which I like. I definitely must keep reading!
9/5/2008 c1 philia-calliope
Hi there! Just to let you know, this is dazzeling diamond, using a joint trio account...just so you don't get confused...yeah, I'm 1/3 of this account member right now.

Ok...to review! I love the portrayal of the Gods. Your writing style is quick, witty in places and descriptive without being overbearing. I love Persephone's crush on Prometheus, and Heph saying "He was always the catch.". Lol, great work, you seem to have started something great here.

I can't wait to keep reading!
9/2/2008 c13 1HisFiestyBeauty
I love it! This story is amazing! I cant wait for more!
9/2/2008 c13 9Phoebe Majere
GAH! WHY SO SHORT! You've got me craving it now! Gosh, I check my e-mail everyday to see if you update that's how addicted I am to this. This is really a very good story and don't care about the flamers or the "disbelievers" as I like to call them, keep it up! :D
9/2/2008 c13 2Buri-kun
That was a FOOL thing to do! it's HADES' REALM, for god's sakes (pun intended), and she shoudl KNOW that nasty things lurk there...and just when i was beginning to respect for, she turns around and acts stupid again.


good chapter, by the way. really evoked emotion.
8/29/2008 c12 82Isabella22
How dare you leave it at that! I was just starting to get into it! :( It was too short.

Update soon. I really like this story. :D
8/28/2008 c12 9Phoebe Majere
Oh my god! I was about to click to the next chapter when I realized it wasn't there and I gasped and screamed "NO! What happens?" As you can tell I like it! I just have one quick question which I will message you so it doesn't really ruin the story. :D Thank you soo much for making this story and posting it on here. I love you guys!
8/28/2008 c9 Phoebe Majere
I like the other intimate chapter but this was good too. This chapter brought alot of information out about Hades (who is my favourite god anyways)
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