for To Never Die8/9/2008 c1 criti-sized
For a first chapter, this was really nice. I like the narration in it and explanation of the characters that were introduced. And the bit about how who hated who was funny and reminded me of high school.
I also like Retna's attitude. It came off as a simple one that's really relaxed.
C.S.
For a first chapter, this was really nice. I like the narration in it and explanation of the characters that were introduced. And the bit about how who hated who was funny and reminded me of high school.
I also like Retna's attitude. It came off as a simple one that's really relaxed.
C.S.
8/7/2008 c2 
3S.Squarepants
Oh, man, this story is so cool. It was pretty cowardly that Drew would up and leave his friend in that scary house. If my friend did that to me I would be very angry lol. Anyway, good story.
3S.SquarepantsOh, man, this story is so cool. It was pretty cowardly that Drew would up and leave his friend in that scary house. If my friend did that to me I would be very angry lol. Anyway, good story.
8/4/2008 c2 10Koki Enwai
Violent Messiah really covered everything that I was going to say. All that I can add to that is that I really like your attention to detail; they bring the story to life and make it all the creepier. . .
Nice work!
- Koki
10Koki EnwaiViolent Messiah really covered everything that I was going to say. All that I can add to that is that I really like your attention to detail; they bring the story to life and make it all the creepier. . .
Nice work!
- Koki
8/3/2008 c2 8Violent Messiah
So far, an interesting story. I'm not exactly sure what kind of horror to file this under yet, but it has its creepy moments.
Nice set up of the characters and good interaction between them, especially the girls in the first chapter. It seemed typical enough high school discussion, which makes it seem fairly natural.
Your descriptions are good enough to paint the picture you're trying to get across, but not too much that it bogs down the story in excessive detail.
The only thing I could find to point out is that there seems to be a little name repetition in some places where its not really needed. Not really a big thing, but I figured I'd go ahead and make note of that.
Other then some minor spelling and grammar errors, I thought it was a good start to a suitably mysterious story. Thanks for stopping at The Road House...Cheers!
8Violent MessiahSo far, an interesting story. I'm not exactly sure what kind of horror to file this under yet, but it has its creepy moments.
Nice set up of the characters and good interaction between them, especially the girls in the first chapter. It seemed typical enough high school discussion, which makes it seem fairly natural.
Your descriptions are good enough to paint the picture you're trying to get across, but not too much that it bogs down the story in excessive detail.
The only thing I could find to point out is that there seems to be a little name repetition in some places where its not really needed. Not really a big thing, but I figured I'd go ahead and make note of that.
Other then some minor spelling and grammar errors, I thought it was a good start to a suitably mysterious story. Thanks for stopping at The Road House...Cheers!
7/25/2008 c1 Stopdamadness
I was just scanning through horror stories when I caught sight of this. This is a fantastic story, very descriptive. Honestly you can write anything. Good job.
I was just scanning through horror stories when I caught sight of this. This is a fantastic story, very descriptive. Honestly you can write anything. Good job.
7/18/2008 c1 6Anasazi Darkmoon
This is a really good start, and it's written in actual English (as opposed to fake English, lol), so I'm going to keep an eye on this. I want to see who the creepy guy dressed in black is.
6Anasazi DarkmoonThis is a really good start, and it's written in actual English (as opposed to fake English, lol), so I'm going to keep an eye on this. I want to see who the creepy guy dressed in black is.
7/16/2008 c1 10Koki Enwai
Oh! Very good. I love the way you describe things. . .
Keep up the good work!
- Koki
10Koki EnwaiOh! Very good. I love the way you describe things. . .
Keep up the good work!
- Koki
7/15/2008 c1 PoppyMox
Nice set-up.
Nice set-up.