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6/11/2011 c1 self-fulfilling prophecy
I see what you mean by experiment in styles. I understood the first two stanzas as a narrative of artistic creation. the last as an oblique statement on the human condition - mortality. we're of the earth, and one day we all must return to the earth. I like poems like this that make me think.
1/26/2009 c1 5Axl Parker
I really liked this and its style. To me, it seemed very powerful. I was able to visually imagine everything going on, and I rarely get that from a poem. I really did enjoy this and will probably read it many more times.
1/25/2009 c1 1Rockstar with a Vendetta
For some reason, this line stuck with me:

"The fading light drags over the rolling shapes / of synthetic skin..."

And that last stanza...I don't know, I can't think of the word for it, but I liked it. This piece made me feel...wistful? Nostalgic? I don't know. But good job (:
12/29/2008 c1 173sunshineofyourlife
i really really like the clash from second stanza to third.

you're building yourself into something different from everyone else and then in one second it all collapses and you're exactly like everyone else.

again. LOVE.

-sunshine
10/4/2008 c1 91fairytale failure
I loved the last stanza - it just kept my attention much better than the other two, so I guess I would say I like your writing 'wilder'.

also, I LOVE Boats and Birds =)
9/23/2008 c1 88Militant Poet
I like the idea, and I like how you're messing with form. I'd say go for it! This one's good, and I think as you let yourself get a little more wild you'll hit on something uniquely you. This is a very unique piece.
7/15/2008 c1 24The FiboNACHI Sequence
Ah I see where you were going here...

I like the theme and I like the use of contrast between the second and third stanza. Only thing I would have done to improve the transition is add maybe a two line stanza between the second and third stanza, something less descriptive and more... emotional perhaps? Maybe that would have helped you get across the change in mood and tone smoother without having to have the Authors note to explain it *laughs*

However, I love it as it is. Why can you always transmit such clear imagery into my head?

Nice one.

Nach

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