for Backfire7/22/2008 c1 parmesan and pasta
Wow, I'm glad I clicked on the link to you from bigphish!
Tom is a very cool character-you include little quirks about his personality, with the "syllable-counting," and the way he sleeps once he does, finally, fall asleep.
His concern for Fionn makes it really clear how much Tom cares for him, and makes me understand why he stays in the house, even though it it clearly very awkward for him
The dialogue at the end makes this awkwardness palpable-his words are kind, but I imagine his tone has a quiet harshness to it.
I don't think there's a problem with the beginning connecting to the rest of the story-its subtlety makes it work.
The only thing I would say is that I'd like to hear more about Russell-his character is interesting to read about, but I feel like there's something missing, and I'd like to get a better sense of who he is as a father, husband, and friend.
Wow, I'm glad I clicked on the link to you from bigphish!
Tom is a very cool character-you include little quirks about his personality, with the "syllable-counting," and the way he sleeps once he does, finally, fall asleep.
His concern for Fionn makes it really clear how much Tom cares for him, and makes me understand why he stays in the house, even though it it clearly very awkward for him
The dialogue at the end makes this awkwardness palpable-his words are kind, but I imagine his tone has a quiet harshness to it.
I don't think there's a problem with the beginning connecting to the rest of the story-its subtlety makes it work.
The only thing I would say is that I'd like to hear more about Russell-his character is interesting to read about, but I feel like there's something missing, and I'd like to get a better sense of who he is as a father, husband, and friend.