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for Ephemeral

6/21/2011 c1 2MyFadedDreams
This was good. You did a good job with the narrator. His character was very well portrayed and he had a nice voice throughout the story. The ending was certainly well-done. A bit predictable, but I liked it. One thing I had a problem with though was there seemed to be a lot of drawn-out, unnecessary filler stuff that coukd have been condensed to make the story read much cleaner. I also think you could have done a bit more with Caramel's character, or at least with her connection to the narrator. By the end, I wasn't quite sure how he felt or thought about her. And Aubrey just sort of disappeared, so I kind of wondered what the point of her character was at all. But the writing is solid and again, good job the narrator. He was a steong character for such a short piece.
8/6/2010 c1 2Fish E
Ahh! That's a good story. I was guessing what you were going for the whole story, you did a great job. Towards the end, it all came together for me, which was a cool feeling. I do have one problem with the plot, aside from a few grammar issues: how did she know when his lunch was? I mean, she told him to meet her in the art room at the beginning of lunch, so how did she know his lunch time would coincide when she'd be in the art room? Anyway, other than that, I was very impressed.
1/21/2010 c1 24fairies and snapple
Augh, I can't believe you're not continuing this! It seems like a really interesting story. I'm so hooked into it, and so much came through in just one chapter.
1/9/2010 c1 6sw13
Very well done. I liked it a lot. You had a lot of good things going, i just personally would have liked more terror.
1/4/2010 c1 6Yoron
Don't know what to say. It's good, and you write good, but I don't get any grip on her. She's like some doll you put in for dramatic purposes. All characters need too be made alive when you're doing your magic, even those you only use to make your 'statement' with.

At least it's how I see it. So even though the scene at the end is horrific it doesn't grab me the same as if I really would 'know' her before. Can you see how I think here?

But you're still one of the best writers I've seen so far.
1/1/2010 c1 1J.V.G. Buenagua
A brilliant story indeed. It was great and the ending was just perfect. Never thought that it would be the end. Such a lovely story.
10/7/2009 c1 10invisible black sheep
I liked it... How he didn't know what she was going to do the entire time until she was gone. :) nice writing.
8/25/2009 c1 nabzilla
Wow this is just absolutely brillant! So wonderfully written and i did not expect the ending. I absolutely love how you built Caramel's character and then her final moments..just WOW. Loved it. Definitely one of my favourites now.
8/14/2009 c1 25KelaBelle
WOW lovely chapter :))
1/25/2009 c1 8LoonyGoggledSquirl
Okay, I stumbled so bad at the end I read it again. I did not see that coming. It was a good story, definatly a favorite, and I loved that last line.
12/16/2008 c1 13blurrylights
That was so...sudden. I read it three times, and every time, it just hit me. It was so powerful though. Really, amazing job.
10/20/2008 c1 AuroraBorealis
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I'm still in shock from the ending; I actually didn't catch that she had committed suicide at first, and I was like, "Wait, what? Isn't there more?" Then I reread the last few sentences, and I was like, "HOLY CRAP!" I totally did NOT see that coming, but I feel kind of dense because I didn't. I thought it was a weird tradition she had or something where she threw away all her artwork at the start of each year so she could start anew. But then the fact that she threw away acceptance letters confused me. But brilliant writing and brilliant ending. I love the "I'll put in a good word for you." Genius. I have to admit that this does scare me a bit, simply because Caramel reminds me a lot of myself; I'm an extreme perfectionist, but I'm actually fairly happy most of the time, so I sincerely hope I won't be throwing myself off any buildings anytime soon!
9/30/2008 c1 ironazalea
Slightly {only slightly} predictable, but that's just me after reading too much fanfiction.

Um, other than that, EXCELLENT. I love open endings. I loved the last line. Creepy, weird, and amazing.
9/27/2008 c1 5inkspatters
Wow! I totally didn't see that ending coming. Seriously, that Caramel girl is messed up, why would you put some poor kid through something like that? I don't think watching someone commit suicide would be anything short of traumatizing. Also, Shiloh was right, people actually name their kid that? Lol.

Anyway, as usual, your writing was eerie and you kept me wondering all the way through. I really wanted to know where you were going and then the end came and my mind just screamed NO! Because I could see where it was headed and...I'm rambling and shall stop now.

Just wanted to let you know that this is possibly one of the best fp oneshots I've read. It's going on my favourites list :D

9/18/2008 c1 jojoba-music-girl
Good writing! I liked the fact that you made this a one-shot, but everyting was written very well so that you do have questions after reading, but it doesn't bother me like it sometimes does. Great job, it'll go into my favorites!
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