for Enough7/20/2008 c1 
58Kazuki Mishima
The message of the poem speaks to me. Regarding the third stanza, perhaps you could mention another member of the cinema audience. That stanza reminds me of my enjoyment of rare, hard-to-find movies that I often can watch only at home and that I wish I was watching in a communal environment.
58Kazuki MishimaThe message of the poem speaks to me. Regarding the third stanza, perhaps you could mention another member of the cinema audience. That stanza reminds me of my enjoyment of rare, hard-to-find movies that I often can watch only at home and that I wish I was watching in a communal environment.
7/20/2008 c1 172DefineBeauty
ahh! i love this! i feel the exact same way! there is way too many electronical devices now-a-days to keep people entertained, there's no imagination in them anymore, gosh i love his poem so soo much!
i really like the format of the stanzas. i like how each part talks about something different, but it's still all the same thing. sentence breaks are really great as well
it's really easy to read and it's detailed just right, not too much and not too little. it gives just the right amount of information to get across your point (which ia an amazzing point by the way)
the only thing i see out of place is the third stanza. it needs a little bit of work with the wording, for example, it has the word "the" twice in a row, and i think that the word "if" is meant to be "of"
overall, awesome job on this =] two thumns up!
172DefineBeautyahh! i love this! i feel the exact same way! there is way too many electronical devices now-a-days to keep people entertained, there's no imagination in them anymore, gosh i love his poem so soo much!
i really like the format of the stanzas. i like how each part talks about something different, but it's still all the same thing. sentence breaks are really great as well
it's really easy to read and it's detailed just right, not too much and not too little. it gives just the right amount of information to get across your point (which ia an amazzing point by the way)
the only thing i see out of place is the third stanza. it needs a little bit of work with the wording, for example, it has the word "the" twice in a row, and i think that the word "if" is meant to be "of"
overall, awesome job on this =] two thumns up!
7/20/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I liked the idea behind this because it's very true and definitely something I think everyone can relate to on some level. However I had a few issues "I want a life past 9:00" I didn't understand what that had to do with going back to a time less technological. "in the movie theater,"... how is that going to help you be connected to ppl? Watching a movie? "to spend Saturdays/spending." spending what? Did you mean money? I dunno it confused me.
I did like the second stanza though, I think that described your point perfectly and that the description of a car was really awesome.
PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (link in my profile).
612simpleplan13I liked the idea behind this because it's very true and definitely something I think everyone can relate to on some level. However I had a few issues "I want a life past 9:00" I didn't understand what that had to do with going back to a time less technological. "in the movie theater,"... how is that going to help you be connected to ppl? Watching a movie? "to spend Saturdays/spending." spending what? Did you mean money? I dunno it confused me.
I did like the second stanza though, I think that described your point perfectly and that the description of a car was really awesome.
PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (link in my profile).