for Monotone7/20/2008 c1 
1SarahSoph
You don't need to explain too much right at the beginning. It can be a little boring. She's just wandering around her house talking to the reader about everything in her life. You need a little story to start off with and do the explaining around that. It will feel much smoother if you do it right, and get readers much more interested in sticking around to read the rest.
Her rant at the end didn't feel very natural at all. She doesn't seem furious at all.
Does she even have a name? It's nice to be introduced properly to characters we're supposed to get attached to, early on.
It's contradictory too. Fun glamorous life, but wants to be a doctor?
1SarahSophYou don't need to explain too much right at the beginning. It can be a little boring. She's just wandering around her house talking to the reader about everything in her life. You need a little story to start off with and do the explaining around that. It will feel much smoother if you do it right, and get readers much more interested in sticking around to read the rest.
Her rant at the end didn't feel very natural at all. She doesn't seem furious at all.
Does she even have a name? It's nice to be introduced properly to characters we're supposed to get attached to, early on.
It's contradictory too. Fun glamorous life, but wants to be a doctor?