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for The Greatest Villain of All

9/1/2013 c1 38DarlingHarleyQuinn
You have a very creative form of writing. Love it
1/8/2010 c1 17EliMerriman
A fine description for a disney villain. At places the rhythm feels slightly skewed, but overall it flowss nicely and isn't forced, and feels to have been fun to work on.
8/26/2009 c1 19Eternal Skies
is this the evil queen in snow white? awesome, loved this poem more than roses are red! the rhyming is not forced, and is pretty good!
3/21/2009 c1 12AEJ325
Okay, so I love an rythem/rhyme poems. Or whatever they're called.

Thus, I loved this one.

Very Snow White btw.


11/26/2008 c1 5quicktart
Snow White person, right?

I liked it a lot, but again, I don't like this one as much as your other ones. Good job, though, I really enjoyed reading this!

11/12/2008 c1 30DarkPhoenixIncarnate
XP Let me guess...Snow Whites wicked step mother? XD AUDIABLE GASP~! XP But this was very very well done. ^_^ *FAVS*
10/27/2008 c1 4MarsMonster
Whoah! This is good. HURRY UP WITH THE SECOND ONE! Please?

And it's the witch from Snow White, n'est-ce pas?
10/3/2008 c1 4I see London I see Sam's Town
Oh, Snow White? :D I could never stand Snow White's voice though D=

Anway. :) I'll give you a giant cookie for the fact that you can actually rhyme in a poem and have it make sense. (Because I, on the other hand, cannot do it-put simply.) With that said, rhyming also should not sound so forced, and in regard to this poem, it sounds forced. But since I'm no great rhymer, I can't say too much on the matter :S

However, I do have some advice for improvement! I think punctuation could help the flow of your lines and stanzas. I noticed that you used commas and periods in some places, and not in others. (Such as your last line, for example. Why put not period there when there's a period ending a previous sentence?)

Happy writing, and hope you find my review helpful.

~J.V. C:
9/22/2008 c1 9ohxrosie
I loved the snow white influence, found the new perspective entertaining and it defiantly put a smile to my face. The whole mask thing is a great concept too.

Well done, I liked it.
9/11/2008 c1 23fatbird33
i'm gonna take a guess at the evil queen in snow white? disney is AMAZING. as is this poem. very very nice. good word choices, flow and a great message. good job!
8/28/2008 c1 29Yasona Black
The Snow White villain right? (I never saw the movie so I don't have much of a grasp on that Disney movie.)

Here's the thing about rhyming. Sometimes it works out very well and will sound brilliant. Sometimes, most of the time, it doesn't. Rhyming can easily sound forced, like the words at the end of the sentences are obvious choices for each other. Such as things ending with an 'ee' sound (like 'duty' and 'beauty') will quickly overpower the gist of the poem.

How to fix: First, (while I admit that this is hard and I do have examples of forced rhyming poetry that I wrote, so please don't hate me) try and leave the rhyming alone. Let it happen naturally, and every once in awhile it will show up and sound gorgeous.

Second, try alliteration (I believe that's the technical term). Take a couple letters or sounds and try to repeat them. Your first sentence has an example: "The villain with a smiling cheek..." The 'L's are playing off of each other, but you could do it to a greater extent and people won't realize that you're not rhyming. I find to practice, it works well if you pick three or four letters and base a poem off the majority of those letters. Infuse a hard 'c' with a 'k' or a soft 'c' with an 's' type thing also.

I do like the story bit of the poem. I love story poems and I think if you try to stop working so much at the rhyming and play around with other parts, it could improve.

This is my opinion and advice. I mean no harm in giving it.
7/20/2008 c1 613DiaRose
It's cute! I was hoping it was something like a Disney villain or something, because it does seem a bit childlike, but it's very nice for that! I'm thinking either the Queen or Maleficent...



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