for To Never Forget9/15/2008 c1 
67moongazer7
Some of her talking sounds a bit young.
Sixteen years olds don’t get creeped out that easily.
Also, watch your grammar and spelling.
Sixteen years olds only get there permits, and can’t actually drive alone. A parent has to accompany them when they drive.
Slow up the events after they get out of her car.
Erm, he can’t drive the car, unless he has his own driver’s permit with him, and I doubt he actually does. Also, again, the parent thing.
Oh, yeah sixteene years olds don’t get carried in to the house. I get it if a person was really really really drunk, and dead on there feet, so someone has to support them by the arms and shoulders, but still you ain’t really carrying the person. It’s unrealistic. A sixteen years old would never want to be carried, and another sixteen years old would never carry a fellow their age. I am sixteen in almost two months and I wouldn’t be impressed if some dude my age decided to carry me. I am sure many people my age can confirm that. Besides, I don’t believe they can actually support a person there age. Oh, a better solution is to wake her up, and assist her in the house, if she’s only half awake.
I thought she was half asleep? How can she be thinking so much?
67moongazer7Some of her talking sounds a bit young.
Sixteen years olds don’t get creeped out that easily.
Also, watch your grammar and spelling.
Sixteen years olds only get there permits, and can’t actually drive alone. A parent has to accompany them when they drive.
Slow up the events after they get out of her car.
Erm, he can’t drive the car, unless he has his own driver’s permit with him, and I doubt he actually does. Also, again, the parent thing.
Oh, yeah sixteene years olds don’t get carried in to the house. I get it if a person was really really really drunk, and dead on there feet, so someone has to support them by the arms and shoulders, but still you ain’t really carrying the person. It’s unrealistic. A sixteen years old would never want to be carried, and another sixteen years old would never carry a fellow their age. I am sixteen in almost two months and I wouldn’t be impressed if some dude my age decided to carry me. I am sure many people my age can confirm that. Besides, I don’t believe they can actually support a person there age. Oh, a better solution is to wake her up, and assist her in the house, if she’s only half awake.
I thought she was half asleep? How can she be thinking so much?
8/18/2008 c3 rachelaine
Not really sure if I see a difference in the rewrite of chapter 2, but it's good either way. :P I liked the little "moment" Matt and Danii had out on the swing. Also, I'm excited to read about the "Party of the Year". :)
Not really sure if I see a difference in the rewrite of chapter 2, but it's good either way. :P I liked the little "moment" Matt and Danii had out on the swing. Also, I'm excited to read about the "Party of the Year". :)
7/23/2008 c2 rachelaine
There's some mistakes spelling wise, and words going where they don't belong, but it's easy to understand still. I really like this so far. =) Keep up with it!
There's some mistakes spelling wise, and words going where they don't belong, but it's easy to understand still. I really like this so far. =) Keep up with it!
7/22/2008 c2 3CreativeChick233
same as yesterday...TOO LONG paragraphs lol..you have to ress enter every time you change spears..or indent w/e same thing..
anyways check out my story or whatever
ily
-*Candra*-
3CreativeChick233same as yesterday...TOO LONG paragraphs lol..you have to ress enter every time you change spears..or indent w/e same thing..
anyways check out my story or whatever
ily
-*Candra*-
7/22/2008 c1 CreativeChick233
well u need to press enter everytime you change speakers..but besides that i really like this story!
p.s.-im calling you tommorrow its late tonight so yeah
Probably will read the next chapter tomorrow
well u need to press enter everytime you change speakers..but besides that i really like this story!
p.s.-im calling you tommorrow its late tonight so yeah
Probably will read the next chapter tomorrow