for Little Ditty About Jack and Duran2/6/2012 c1 fallenidols
I really love how your writing flows so smoothly into another scene. You can really relate to Jack's character and his pseudo-indifference at seeing Sonny with another man. It also shows about how Jack was never really willing to 'come out of the closet', and because of that, he lost the one he loved. Also, the ending was very sweet; a brilliant place to end at!
I really love how your writing flows so smoothly into another scene. You can really relate to Jack's character and his pseudo-indifference at seeing Sonny with another man. It also shows about how Jack was never really willing to 'come out of the closet', and because of that, he lost the one he loved. Also, the ending was very sweet; a brilliant place to end at!
5/20/2011 c1 
16Ioga
Meh, I read this weeks ago and forgot to review when I went off on two huge stories that I didn't finish because of being distracted by reading stuff on paper. This whole idea of electronic books that you can get a pile of and that go with you everywhere you go is dangerous. I spiral out of control!
But I just wanted to drop a note that yeah, read it, and awww, it was cute. "Annabe" made me giggle. :) Carpe diem!
Thanks for this!
16IogaMeh, I read this weeks ago and forgot to review when I went off on two huge stories that I didn't finish because of being distracted by reading stuff on paper. This whole idea of electronic books that you can get a pile of and that go with you everywhere you go is dangerous. I spiral out of control!
But I just wanted to drop a note that yeah, read it, and awww, it was cute. "Annabe" made me giggle. :) Carpe diem!
Thanks for this!
9/10/2010 c1 SM.Zeoanne
I guess the moral of the story is: Embrace what you've got when it's good and don't feel shame for who/what you are and what others would say about you. This is a wonderfully written story. Jack should've stayed with the love of his life.
Thanks for sharing!
I guess the moral of the story is: Embrace what you've got when it's good and don't feel shame for who/what you are and what others would say about you. This is a wonderfully written story. Jack should've stayed with the love of his life.
Thanks for sharing!
6/25/2010 c1 Alex
Hmm... Interesting story you wrote there. Like it because mainly its different. That is how life goes and not everything is happy ending or the way we wanted/expected it to go. Good job!
+Alex
Hmm... Interesting story you wrote there. Like it because mainly its different. That is how life goes and not everything is happy ending or the way we wanted/expected it to go. Good job!
+Alex
6/4/2010 c1 theearthisdoomed
I like bittersweet, I like non-linear, I like that the story began at the end of the story. Does that make sense? I'm sure it does ;) I like it :D
I like bittersweet, I like non-linear, I like that the story began at the end of the story. Does that make sense? I'm sure it does ;) I like it :D
2/9/2010 c1 4Arethusa Cyberia
I like the way you just jumped right into the story very smoothly and took off with it. The relationship between Jack and Sonny was believeable, and Jack's regret was very real and human. You gave just enough information about your characters for the reader to instantly feel a connection.
Your storytelling style is nicely done. Good rhythm and smooth transitions from present to past. Some people are just natural writers, Jack, and what's more ... you make it seem easier than it is.
I like your catchy title, but the story was not at all what I thought it would be. Not a bad thing. :) 2 thumbs up.
4Arethusa CyberiaI like the way you just jumped right into the story very smoothly and took off with it. The relationship between Jack and Sonny was believeable, and Jack's regret was very real and human. You gave just enough information about your characters for the reader to instantly feel a connection.
Your storytelling style is nicely done. Good rhythm and smooth transitions from present to past. Some people are just natural writers, Jack, and what's more ... you make it seem easier than it is.
I like your catchy title, but the story was not at all what I thought it would be. Not a bad thing. :) 2 thumbs up.
7/18/2009 c1 Rare Fanboy
It's been said, but this story is definitely bittersweet.
Of course, after seeing the title, I had to list to John Mellencamp as I read it, and i believe you picked the perfect inspiration for a story like this.
You write great stories, sir. This one even brought a tear.
Keep writing, and I'll keep reading, that's all I can say!
It's been said, but this story is definitely bittersweet.
Of course, after seeing the title, I had to list to John Mellencamp as I read it, and i believe you picked the perfect inspiration for a story like this.
You write great stories, sir. This one even brought a tear.
Keep writing, and I'll keep reading, that's all I can say!
6/3/2009 c1 1Mercedes Woods
This is great, very well-written. I like that Sonny was seen completely through flashbacks. Even though it was really sad that Jack and Sonny couldn't be together in the end, that Sonny was in flashbacks kind of suggests to me that Jack really will manage to move on. Liked it a lot!
1Mercedes WoodsThis is great, very well-written. I like that Sonny was seen completely through flashbacks. Even though it was really sad that Jack and Sonny couldn't be together in the end, that Sonny was in flashbacks kind of suggests to me that Jack really will manage to move on. Liked it a lot!
5/25/2009 c1 2Sunny Side Down
Wow. That was a bit depressing, if I do say so myself. Cute, but still angsty...
And now I'm off to read more of your work!
♥
2Sunny Side DownWow. That was a bit depressing, if I do say so myself. Cute, but still angsty...
And now I'm off to read more of your work!
♥
12/7/2008 c1 17Cattails
I think what I liked most (other than the awesome song reference (I'm in love with that song, what can I say? XD)), is how realistic it was. Although I'm a hopeless romantic, I like that Sonny was with someone else and had moved on. My favourite character was Annabelle :P I always like the waitresses... And it had a happy ending! So it was a win on all fronts ^^
17CattailsI think what I liked most (other than the awesome song reference (I'm in love with that song, what can I say? XD)), is how realistic it was. Although I'm a hopeless romantic, I like that Sonny was with someone else and had moved on. My favourite character was Annabelle :P I always like the waitresses... And it had a happy ending! So it was a win on all fronts ^^
11/20/2008 c1 27Trinity4
Aww cute!
Sorry, that was my first reaction to the last few lines.
I do like the present/memory/present/memory/present etc style you have going here and in The Road (haven't read any others yet).
It's great how what it takes to come out after years and years is to have the caring waitress talk to him... I know it wasn't just her but the memories flooding back plus her really made for the ending being a nice sense of closure. I really enjoyed this.
27Trinity4Aww cute!
Sorry, that was my first reaction to the last few lines.
I do like the present/memory/present/memory/present etc style you have going here and in The Road (haven't read any others yet).
It's great how what it takes to come out after years and years is to have the caring waitress talk to him... I know it wasn't just her but the memories flooding back plus her really made for the ending being a nice sense of closure. I really enjoyed this.
11/16/2008 c1 iwanttodeletethiswtf
LOVE IT! i never got around to reading this but now that i have im so happy and i wish id read it sooner... annabelle is a cool chick. and i feel bad for jack but i think if this was real life that his sad situation is about to change at the end of this story...
how you made annabelle and sonny say the same thing was cool.
such a fantastic story...cant say im surprised. :)
-E
LOVE IT! i never got around to reading this but now that i have im so happy and i wish id read it sooner... annabelle is a cool chick. and i feel bad for jack but i think if this was real life that his sad situation is about to change at the end of this story...
how you made annabelle and sonny say the same thing was cool.
such a fantastic story...cant say im surprised. :)
-E
8/23/2008 c1 6Kalista Jia
aww isn't it cute that Jack even considerate after Sonny randomly kissed him for the first time?
LOLm finally get his house paid off and die. It is true though since houses take forever to pay for a commoner.
GASP! SOnny had a partner other than Jack? (ok I am reviewing and reading at the same time) so sad, why did you go on a business college? Ok ya that is life. Work is more important huh? *Evil glare*
aw so sad. Anyway I love ending like this.
ALso to comment on what I read on your profile, it makes me wanna go on your street one day and say "YO! When are you going to update more stories?" well you better don't die on me, I don't wanna be a murderer.
It is true that girls tend to read stuff without much plots. Well I love plots, that is why I spent all my neurons thinking about a crime slash story for months. ANd I am proud of it, I don;t care if people in fictionpress don't care about it, because the bunny part is slow, I am just proud of myself for able to write whatever I want in that story! HAHAHAHA, anyway to satisfy the girls' hunger, I also wrote a quick sad bunny story for them.
Ok enough self blah blah!
Well done in this story, so true, life just goes on. It is hard to turn back. As I expected from someone who has life experience! Bravo!
6Kalista Jiaaww isn't it cute that Jack even considerate after Sonny randomly kissed him for the first time?
LOLm finally get his house paid off and die. It is true though since houses take forever to pay for a commoner.
GASP! SOnny had a partner other than Jack? (ok I am reviewing and reading at the same time) so sad, why did you go on a business college? Ok ya that is life. Work is more important huh? *Evil glare*
aw so sad. Anyway I love ending like this.
ALso to comment on what I read on your profile, it makes me wanna go on your street one day and say "YO! When are you going to update more stories?" well you better don't die on me, I don't wanna be a murderer.
It is true that girls tend to read stuff without much plots. Well I love plots, that is why I spent all my neurons thinking about a crime slash story for months. ANd I am proud of it, I don;t care if people in fictionpress don't care about it, because the bunny part is slow, I am just proud of myself for able to write whatever I want in that story! HAHAHAHA, anyway to satisfy the girls' hunger, I also wrote a quick sad bunny story for them.
Ok enough self blah blah!
Well done in this story, so true, life just goes on. It is hard to turn back. As I expected from someone who has life experience! Bravo!
7/28/2008 c1 erin2468
geez talk about bitter-sweet! its been forever since ive read anything original and this was just like "ah something fresh and new" to me lol. nice oneshot!
geez talk about bitter-sweet! its been forever since ive read anything original and this was just like "ah something fresh and new" to me lol. nice oneshot!
7/28/2008 c1 Saint-Weasel
WE! One shots, is like dipping feet into an author’s style…
And I’ve got to say, your style is incredibly conservative. Conventional.
But who am I to judge that particular fact anyway…
Why is it that some author has the concepts, but not plot
Or all the plot, no concepts
Or the writing style, and nothing else?
What you have is conventions, and the ability to paint us a simple story. Quite a charming one at that…
What you don’t have is possibly depth. Naphyla has that problem as well. Humph.
I really think I’m the only one who gets comments from her classmates like, “That was way too deep for us…” or “I don’t think us humans are ready for that yet.”
I know it’s probably a one shot, and you probably don’t have time to explore a billion things, but I think all writing should have levels for us to interpret. Like, this little ditty has this To Kill a Mockingbird feel, but the actual novel, you never hear them say ‘Discrimination against any kind of people is happening every day when I was growing up, and it certainly shouldn’t be that way. Lives are lost or ruined, and it’s certainly not worth it…”
Oh whatever, I just like things to be indirect. Argh. Like I think I spotted this trend where your characters have to openly state he’s gay. I’d think it would be more of a surprise if you just let on through actions. That’s what I do anyway, I don’t know if that’s more effective or not. Hmm, I really should be reading your longer stuff just to get an actual idea of how you write like, with larger structures, but Time is pricier than the gas these days.
It does say that it’s suitable for teens, this story.
And I find teen novels or stories quite bland and familiar.
Readers like me like to be shocked, I guess.
I was watching a retarded soap opera type of Chinese law drama, and so many guys chase the girls. I openly state to my parents it would be much more interesting if it were the other way around, just because it’s less common and more difficult. When the conflict or problem is more difficult so that the character is forced to go onto further means to entertain, enthrall, entice us,
we’re keep reading with a purpose.
But then again, if life were like what I like to read,
I doubt our world would function too great.
Keep up the reality. Bills, lost chances, and men constantly searching for Mr. or Ms. Right. HAHA.
WE! One shots, is like dipping feet into an author’s style…
And I’ve got to say, your style is incredibly conservative. Conventional.
But who am I to judge that particular fact anyway…
Why is it that some author has the concepts, but not plot
Or all the plot, no concepts
Or the writing style, and nothing else?
What you have is conventions, and the ability to paint us a simple story. Quite a charming one at that…
What you don’t have is possibly depth. Naphyla has that problem as well. Humph.
I really think I’m the only one who gets comments from her classmates like, “That was way too deep for us…” or “I don’t think us humans are ready for that yet.”
I know it’s probably a one shot, and you probably don’t have time to explore a billion things, but I think all writing should have levels for us to interpret. Like, this little ditty has this To Kill a Mockingbird feel, but the actual novel, you never hear them say ‘Discrimination against any kind of people is happening every day when I was growing up, and it certainly shouldn’t be that way. Lives are lost or ruined, and it’s certainly not worth it…”
Oh whatever, I just like things to be indirect. Argh. Like I think I spotted this trend where your characters have to openly state he’s gay. I’d think it would be more of a surprise if you just let on through actions. That’s what I do anyway, I don’t know if that’s more effective or not. Hmm, I really should be reading your longer stuff just to get an actual idea of how you write like, with larger structures, but Time is pricier than the gas these days.
It does say that it’s suitable for teens, this story.
And I find teen novels or stories quite bland and familiar.
Readers like me like to be shocked, I guess.
I was watching a retarded soap opera type of Chinese law drama, and so many guys chase the girls. I openly state to my parents it would be much more interesting if it were the other way around, just because it’s less common and more difficult. When the conflict or problem is more difficult so that the character is forced to go onto further means to entertain, enthrall, entice us,
we’re keep reading with a purpose.
But then again, if life were like what I like to read,
I doubt our world would function too great.
Keep up the reality. Bills, lost chances, and men constantly searching for Mr. or Ms. Right. HAHA.