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for Kindergarten

6/11/2009 c1 115ArekuKawaii
That is a cute and slightly disturbing peice.

The last few lines make me think of a pedophile honestly.

I did like the description of the raincoat because it was so fantastically vivid.

Good job

4/25/2009 c1 3Beast King
That was a sweet and touching story; i liked it. It seemed to be building up to something and for the short time it took me to get to it, I was full of anticipation. In my experiance, stories like this usually build up to either a very touching and fuzzy-feeling inducing ending or a horrifying one. I'm so glad it was the first type.
2/11/2009 c1 145dfgsfdghftgt44
I loved the descriptions of the memories of childhood! They were so accurate and well rendered. I actually stopped for a bit to think about that time and place long gone. This was just awesome. I loved it. I was a little worried at the beginning though that he was sorta stalking her, but the way he reminisced was just soft and warm enough that the creepiness didn't last long. Great work.

~Cirien Phoenix

P.S. Thanks for the review on "Font Haiku." As a graphic designer, fonts are important to me. I thought it was about time someone put something on fictionpress as a tribute to their glory.
2/2/2009 c1 24Elennar

Hey, I really like the way you've depicted the thoughts of your POV character here. The way his mind drifts from kindergartens, to art projects to cherry was very nicely done.

However, I think I'd like this story better if the ending hadn't been quite so...lacking in closure, somehow. Also, there aren't any pointers as to WHY love has been lost.


1/18/2009 c1 1pretty colours
cool story, how old is th person though modern age and all i was a little creeped out at the end with the poor inocent kid and the strange adult that was randomly coming to see the playschool.. anyways if this is somthing thing youve done personally take no offence!lol good story,kept me entertained anyway!
1/18/2009 c1 37fallenangel417
Your choice of detail was great. The "threadbare rag" blankie, her "cherry" coat, and the "playground wedding" that was "sealed with a kiss beneath the slide..."


My favorite part was when your "other thoughts [washed] around you," and you suddenly remembered the cherry color. I think every reader can relate to that stream of consciousness.

Great job.
12/14/2008 c1 28Helen Cole
This is absolutely adorable and beautifully written! This is the best writing I've seen in a long time. You tell the story in such detail that brings a flood of emotions and memories, even with the story differing from my own experience. Please don't ever stop writing! The only thing I noticed that needs changing were two occassions where you wrote "you" instead of "your". (I would love if you could read and review my story- "Love Beyond Red Roses". I have a feeling you would give really well rounded constructive critisism.)
11/27/2008 c1 146Sexy Vampirechick
I liked in paragraph three you showed how many kids first started kindergarden and didn't want to leave their mothers and go with their teacher.It was very well written.

I didn't get the ending that well though,maybe that was the reason why I didn't like it as much as I should've.Where did the Cherry come in?What drew the character to the girl?Maybe you could elaborate on that.
10/27/2008 c1 Mayday-Avenue
I really liked this. It made me remember times when people at school were just friends with each other, and it made me miss it.
8/30/2008 c1 Isca
A very cute/sweet story about the carefree, blessed life of children :)
8/13/2008 c1 13VelvetyCheerio
Aww, so sweet. A reflection on a life long past and never to be regained, I suppose. Very nice. VelvetyCheerio.
8/8/2008 c1 70PoetryQueen
This was pretty good! Except the summary leads you to believe it will be mostly about the person standing in the rain and not the little girl. Also, She reaches from your hand in a companionable manner, I think you mean reaches for, not reaches from.

Still, this was an excellent piece! All the good memories, and laughs. Great job!
8/2/2008 c1 2ShockingReality
I really liked that. It was so cute and sweet and simple, a nice little story about all those little moments in kindergarten that you always seem to hold onto. Ahh, the marriages under the slides...everyone I know was married and devorced several times before they got to grade two. Good times, good times...
8/2/2008 c1 3Ciel the Winged
This story was really cute. Those descriptions of kindergarten reminded me of...well, when I was that young. It really wasn't that long ago, but it still seems so far away...

Nice job. I think a lot of people would really be able to connect with this.


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