Just In
for Dreams over Death

8/27/2008 c1 4That Girl You Love
You did a good job of very realistically describing what someone dealing with mental problems could be going through. I even found myself wondering if what she had could be classified into a real disease.

This seems like a one-shot piece to me, an exhortation to find your dreams and try to live them out.

I might say work a little bit on the dialogue towards the end, when "she" is talking about her dreams. Maybe this is just me personally, but a lot of times, big chunks of dialogue can be hard for readers to follow. Think about breaking it up with actions-her eyes flutter, or a nurse checks the IV, or the steady beep of the heartbeat machine.

Nice job. :)

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