for Love is Trust, Do I Believe?4/5/2011 c1 
5BoxedxxxInnocence
I like very much, very easy to relate to. :)
I see what you mean about the last line, though I don't think it's as bad as you think - I can't think of a better way to put it, and actually, it's fine - if you even notice anything (which you only might because the rest flows so well) it'll just make you think more about what exactly you mean, which is probably a good thing - get the reader to put his (her) thinking cap on.
Thank you :)
5BoxedxxxInnocenceI like very much, very easy to relate to. :)
I see what you mean about the last line, though I don't think it's as bad as you think - I can't think of a better way to put it, and actually, it's fine - if you even notice anything (which you only might because the rest flows so well) it'll just make you think more about what exactly you mean, which is probably a good thing - get the reader to put his (her) thinking cap on.
Thank you :)
4/24/2010 c1 287Archia
I really liked this and i think the last line is good. I liked how you brought god into it, it gave it the right effect.
287ArchiaI really liked this and i think the last line is good. I liked how you brought god into it, it gave it the right effect.
1/8/2010 c1 3Miss English
Well, personally, I didn't find your ending weak at all. If you want to change it, then I might suggest changing "I hope I'm ready to believe" to "I hope I'm ready to believe, to trust" for a more dramatic effect.
The first three stanzas connote a non-Platonic love; especially, the word "unromanced."
So, as you can imagine, the fourth stanza caught me off guard. I fund myself saying "This is about God?"
In my opinion, I would either omit or replace "unromanced" in the first stanza.
Other than that, I congratulate you on capturing a doubting believer's feelings-I am also in the same situation.
Peace, love, writing, and harsher penalties for parole violators,
M.E.
3Miss EnglishWell, personally, I didn't find your ending weak at all. If you want to change it, then I might suggest changing "I hope I'm ready to believe" to "I hope I'm ready to believe, to trust" for a more dramatic effect.
The first three stanzas connote a non-Platonic love; especially, the word "unromanced."
So, as you can imagine, the fourth stanza caught me off guard. I fund myself saying "This is about God?"
In my opinion, I would either omit or replace "unromanced" in the first stanza.
Other than that, I congratulate you on capturing a doubting believer's feelings-I am also in the same situation.
Peace, love, writing, and harsher penalties for parole violators,
M.E.
11/25/2008 c1 IdRatherBeRunning
You've captured the essence of the doubts of a young believer so well. I for one, definitely identify with it. Excellent job :)
You've captured the essence of the doubts of a young believer so well. I for one, definitely identify with it. Excellent job :)
8/20/2008 c1 8Written
I like this. the fist stanza is my favorite... just something about the way it reads. I like how you relate trust and belief with love. it's so good and so true. and even though it's a religious poem, I feel like it can be applied to relationships (not necessarily romantic ones, but do you know what I mean?) in general.
"I could tell Him to prove it
but the truth is, He already has"
lovely.
8WrittenI like this. the fist stanza is my favorite... just something about the way it reads. I like how you relate trust and belief with love. it's so good and so true. and even though it's a religious poem, I feel like it can be applied to relationships (not necessarily romantic ones, but do you know what I mean?) in general.
"I could tell Him to prove it
but the truth is, He already has"
lovely.
8/9/2008 c1 10miss-ellen
Wow. It's kinda scary how much I can relate to this right now. Good work, keep it up :)
10miss-ellenWow. It's kinda scary how much I can relate to this right now. Good work, keep it up :)
8/6/2008 c1 3Venus Smurf1
I enjoyed this. I think I might show it to my sister, actually. Beautifully done!
3Venus Smurf1I enjoyed this. I think I might show it to my sister, actually. Beautifully done!