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for Butting Heads Hurts the Heart

9/25/2009 c6 natmarie
I liked the style of this, neat to see all the characters all grown up and that everything worked out alright.
9/25/2009 c5 natmarie
I wish I would have known about them being best friends in the past sooner, then they would have had a little better reason to hate eachother, maybe develop that more...and the kiss/having best friend back thing seemed a little fast for all the arguing they had done. Like he helped her get better and poof...but sometimes those things happen I guess. I'd continue it, I kind of want to know what happens next.Love is different than friendship so it would be interesting to see how they adjust.
9/25/2009 c4 natmarie
Good job developing conversation with Andrea and Ayden, would be neat to see them have a heart to heart or something since they can't like the fact they are living together, can they? OR mutually mad at their parents?
9/25/2009 c3 natmarie
Interesting parent arrangement too, dunno if they would exchange roles so easily...but it works I guess. Again, great conversations but work on developing detail and action so it is isn't just characters talking but characters doing something...the way I see it now is kind of like a movie, but without knowing anything about where the characters are or anything...kind of like they are floating there is space. Does that make sense? Good writing, just could use some work.
9/25/2009 c2 natmarie
Very dialogue based butit does help move the story along. I find myself wondering more about the characters' personalities and the details of thier home lives/this marriage thing.
9/25/2009 c1 natmarie
Definately an abrupt begining. It caught my attention, but I'm not sure if it was too realistic...at first I thought something serious might have happened to their parents or something...but you do have loveable characters and good dialogue.
2/24/2009 c6 3Rachy94

that was a really good ending for the story

i got kinda confused at the beggining trying to figure out the kids but it was really nice


2/21/2009 c5 Rachy94
i think this would be a good place to leave the story but it would also work if you added a finale or an epilouge

but its a good story for being so short...i liked it


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