for Butting Heads Hurts the Heart9/25/2009 c6 natmarie
I liked the style of this, neat to see all the characters all grown up and that everything worked out alright.
I liked the style of this, neat to see all the characters all grown up and that everything worked out alright.
9/25/2009 c5 natmarie
I wish I would have known about them being best friends in the past sooner, then they would have had a little better reason to hate eachother, maybe develop that more...and the kiss/having best friend back thing seemed a little fast for all the arguing they had done. Like he helped her get better and poof...but sometimes those things happen I guess. I'd continue it, I kind of want to know what happens next.Love is different than friendship so it would be interesting to see how they adjust.
I wish I would have known about them being best friends in the past sooner, then they would have had a little better reason to hate eachother, maybe develop that more...and the kiss/having best friend back thing seemed a little fast for all the arguing they had done. Like he helped her get better and poof...but sometimes those things happen I guess. I'd continue it, I kind of want to know what happens next.Love is different than friendship so it would be interesting to see how they adjust.
9/25/2009 c4 natmarie
Good job developing conversation with Andrea and Ayden, would be neat to see them have a heart to heart or something since they can't like the fact they are living together, can they? OR mutually mad at their parents?
Good job developing conversation with Andrea and Ayden, would be neat to see them have a heart to heart or something since they can't like the fact they are living together, can they? OR mutually mad at their parents?
9/25/2009 c3 natmarie
Interesting parent arrangement too, dunno if they would exchange roles so easily...but it works I guess. Again, great conversations but work on developing detail and action so it is isn't just characters talking but characters doing something...the way I see it now is kind of like a movie, but without knowing anything about where the characters are or anything...kind of like they are floating there is space. Does that make sense? Good writing, just could use some work.
Interesting parent arrangement too, dunno if they would exchange roles so easily...but it works I guess. Again, great conversations but work on developing detail and action so it is isn't just characters talking but characters doing something...the way I see it now is kind of like a movie, but without knowing anything about where the characters are or anything...kind of like they are floating there is space. Does that make sense? Good writing, just could use some work.
9/25/2009 c2 natmarie
Very dialogue based butit does help move the story along. I find myself wondering more about the characters' personalities and the details of thier home lives/this marriage thing.
Very dialogue based butit does help move the story along. I find myself wondering more about the characters' personalities and the details of thier home lives/this marriage thing.
9/25/2009 c1 natmarie
Definately an abrupt begining. It caught my attention, but I'm not sure if it was too realistic...at first I thought something serious might have happened to their parents or something...but you do have loveable characters and good dialogue.
Definately an abrupt begining. It caught my attention, but I'm not sure if it was too realistic...at first I thought something serious might have happened to their parents or something...but you do have loveable characters and good dialogue.
2/24/2009 c6 
3Rachy94
hey
that was a really good ending for the story
i got kinda confused at the beggining trying to figure out the kids but it was really nice
thanx
rachael
3Rachy94hey
that was a really good ending for the story
i got kinda confused at the beggining trying to figure out the kids but it was really nice
thanx
rachael
2/21/2009 c5 Rachy94
i think this would be a good place to leave the story but it would also work if you added a finale or an epilouge
but its a good story for being so short...i liked it
rachy94
i think this would be a good place to leave the story but it would also work if you added a finale or an epilouge
but its a good story for being so short...i liked it
rachy94