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for MechKnight : The Lady's Guardian

9/16/2012 c13 ImperialGuard202
First story I read on Fiction Press and its absolutely amazing! From details of the technology and background to character Dialog and battle sequences. I especially love Vladimir narration and he's a very relate-able guy. Also appreciate that mention of Pittsburgh since I'm from there (woot!). Anyway you had me hooked from beginning to 'end'. I look forward to see what you do with this story. so with that Great jog, good luck, thank you, and hope to see more.
8/6/2012 c13 J.F. McGilligan
Ah Church politics none better or worst. Mind you at this time in history our Holy Catholic Church should be getting a bit more prepared for the comming storm. Viva Papa! Viva Benedict 16th.
1/2/2012 c13 6Van Quatra
this was a great story. i've always enjoyed stories with giant robots. keep up the good work.
6/28/2011 c1 1WriterFreak101
Ooh this is interesting.

I suppose you know I read a couple of things you posted on fanfiction.net. I will say that I'm a bit surprised with the first story POV. But it's a nice change, and while it caught me by surprise, I actually enjoyed it. Which is a major victory on any writer's part because I'm usually not so keen on any story told in first person POV.

Nice touch with the naming of the machina (spelling?) being named Maugrim. That brought me pleasant thoughts dealing with Narnia. :)

Again, this is cool. And I'm going to continue reading when I get a chance.
1/21/2011 c2 pinoy1
this is a pretty good story mate,just needs quite a bit of proof-reading...
7/21/2009 c6 1Lynne Featherston
I am not feeling very...verbal? *shakes head* It's a little more difficult for me to pick this chapter apart. It has so much to do with Catholic ceremony/traditions that I feel a little out of my league. And I don't mean that in an insulting way, of course.

What I can talk about here is the interaction between Vlad, Monica, and even Nicollo. By the way, I don't like Nicollo. I'm sure you're fine with that. I liked the way you drew comparisons between his appearance and Monica's when Vlad sat with them. He is all about the power and pomp...but Monica isn't. Which is, of course, a glimpse into both of them.

The final (inevitable) confrontation between Vlad and Monica was so sad, I thought. Both of them were angry and justifiably so. The realization that Monica was, for all intents and purposes, leaving both her home AND her faith really drove the point home with me. I feel even worse for her now.

Poor Vlad. If he were real, I would give him a hug. Although I'm pretty sure he's not a huggy type of guy...
7/14/2009 c5 Lynne Featherston
Monica is not being nice. She is flirting. Bad Monica. You know I love you, but...bad form.

I'm guessing she knows that, though.

I'm loving that the cry to call Muslims to prayer is at such a perfect time to wake Vlad for Mass. That's just awesome.

Sticky pastry...*whimpers* Now I'm hungry. And it's only eleven. Pooh. Pastry sounds really good, too.

So Vlad piloting a machina is, in a way, kind of like Obi-Wan in the middle of a battle? Except for the whole Force thing. Am I way off base? I probably am.

Yay! Cleo! I like Cleo, by the way. 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' reference FTW! And of course Carlo. My very special review guest, Carlo. I like the way you describe him here. And I LOVE Vlad's little speech. That was great.

Poor Vlad. He just THINKS he omitted how he felt when he recounted his tale. People who know him as well as Dominik and Cleo could certainly see right through him. *grins*

Oh, Vlad. You'll be so disappointed. I feel horrible for him. He's so happy and now he's going to find out that she's already intended for someone else. I'm sad now. Even knowing how this ends up, I'm sad.
7/10/2009 c2 25Master Chief
Let me start this chapter's review by saying, "shit, you have a lot of reviews." and let me apologize in case i rehash something that's been said to death, because if you're like i am with my stories, you've already taken this to revision mode. anyway... on with the review...

At times i think you're a little TOO informal with Vlad's tone. it's almost as if you break the wall from time to time. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just something i'm not used to in first person. I'll use that to segue into my next point: the fact that you're referencing real places and getting in depth with religion, i think that's awesome... but...

the points you make about the cardinals seem a little heavy handed. again, since you're packing a lot of story into this, sometimes you need to cut corners and i understand that, but i think you could better serve the readers by crafting a little subtlety into it. If things weren't already looking like a set up, you've made it a little obvious and that can take away any dramatic tension, unless of course i'm wrong and you're doing a major misdirection...

Wait a second? is this way, way far in the future to the point where society has had to sort of rebuild itself? (just a random thought, don't mind me, i'm typing stuff in as i go along)

The introduction of Pallavicini... did you really mean to say Giovanni Cardinal Pallavicini? or is that a typo? and what's the Pallavicini thermocouple do?

I really liked the exchange with Vlad and Cardinal Gio. The dialogue fit both of them really well. And i really like Vlad as a protagonist, and i can't wait to see him put through his paces as the story goes on.

This is really great! On to 3.

7/9/2009 c1 Master Chief
Ok, wow. I have to say this is a rare treat nowadays on Fiction Press. A well-written story about mechs? You don't find too many of these on FP. I'm hooked after the first chapter.

You've got an interesting universe already built. I mean, it's a medieval-steampunk version of Battletech... and if it's half as epic as Battletech i'm in for a big, big treat. I can already see Vlad squaring off against a hit-squad of Harlequins down the road.

You use 1st person, a move i typically try to stay away from, but you handle it well and not once do you deviate. Your grammar is spotless from what I can tell, but that's not saying much as i'm reading with an eye over my shoulder in case my boss walks in.

I think you go in to info-dump territory a little too fast, telling us about the Vlad's history and his mech with more detail than the reader can reasonably be equipped with this early in the game. This is really minor, though and isn't too jarring because you need to establish the rules in this world you've created... and because i expect when things start picking up, bits of exposition will ruin pacing.

I'll be getting through this slowly, but surely, so keep an eye out for more reviews.

7/9/2009 c4 1Lynne Featherston
And now we come to Monica! Hooray! I don't think it's ludicrous at all that a 'rough, tough machina pilot' would be so affected by Monica's beauty. To my way of thinking (and since I'm not a man, I'm probably completely off base here), I would be under the impression that a man so familiarized with the ugly sights and sounds of battle would be twice as sensitive to true beauty as your average, ordinary Joe. Again, I might be way off base. But that's the way I see it.

"She looked...as if God had put the Blessed Mother, the Venus de Milo and a succubus in a blender and set it on damn"

This is now my favorite description of anyone. EVER.

I found a typo...I think. Just wanted to let you know. I'm sorry. I tried not to. But I can't let go of this stuff. By the way, please let me know if you find such a thing in my story. I will go nuts if it's just hanging out there.

Vlad being embarrassed amuses me. Sorry, Vlad. It would never amuse me if you were embarrassed or humiliated BY someone. But feeling all fumbly around Monica is very sweet and amusing.

Stupid review box. I hate when it does this.

The vodka scene was wonderful. I can just imagine Monica's face after that drink. And Cardinal Griffin...you sneaky man. You're not playing fair. But then, all is fair in love and war. And this story is both.

I enjoy the ways you've explored how different Monica's and Vlad's worlds are. The way they eat, the way they interact with others, their outlook on the way things work.

And I don't think that knowing the end of the story ruins this one at all. It's kind of like the movie 'Apollo 13'. You know the end. You know they're going to get back safe and sound. But the entire time you keep thinking 'Will they make it? Oh, I hope they make it!' Tight storytelling is the key and you have that gift in spades. So it's all good.
7/6/2009 c3 Lynne Featherston
Review! Review!

I really like the way you described the Eucharistic procession. And Lady Jane! Do I need to finish this story before I read Merc's? Just wondering...

Yeah, this is way off-base, but I'm hungry. Have you ever had falafel? Is it good? Sorry, I'm just curious.

Hey, when Wardenclyffe is speaking with the vox-caster, does he sound like Batman?

Haldir: You are not taking this story seriously enough.

*looks ashamed* I'm sorry. I'm in a very strange mood.

'Yousa' makes me laugh. Roe and Wade ultimately led to the dissolution of the United States, hm? Somehow, this does not surprise me. It makes me wonder, though, what Vlad's thoughts would be if he ever found out who Roe and Wade are. I mean, not which side he would fall on. That's obvious. But just his thoughts...

I enjoyed the conversation between Cardinal Griffin and Vlad very much. I think I like Cardinal Griffin. And of course we have the ending where Monica makes her entrance. Summed up so neatly in one sentence.

"And then Lady Monica Pallavicini herself walked through the door, and suddenly the evening got immeasurably better."

For some reason, I hear your voice saying this. And it makes me smile. :-D
7/1/2009 c2 Lynne Featherston
Behold, I have returned. Fake name and all.

Why do I keep picturing a slightly younger Peter O'Toole as the Cardinal? Is this some hangup I have with my viewings of 'The Tudors'? I know it's actually Sam O'Neill. I wonder...

*giggles at use of 'Darknight' as a call name*

And here is why Vlad is such an intriguing character. In a nutshell.

"I try to be a good man – I don't know if I succeed."

Well done.

*sigh* It's incredibly difficult to do a read-as-I-review on this story. It requires all of my attention and it's more difficult for me to pop in with little comments throughout the narrative.

I still feel a little ignorant when it comes to MechKnight. It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around all the techno-engineering type stuff. And sometimes the intricate politics that are brushed into along the way. This isn't your fault, it just isn't the way my mind works.

But characters I can do. Characters I can understand. And, luckily for me, this story is chock full of interesting characters. Incidentally, did you pick an actor for Cardinal Pallavicini? I'm not finding one on the website.

I liked Vlad's response when he felt that Cardinal Pallavicini was abusing his influence to advance his family. I just...like Vlad in general. And I don't know why, but this window is going crazy on me now. Pardon any misspellings, as the window keeps flashing on me.

So I guess I'll skip any further specific comment and just say this. Wonderful chapter, I love the descriptions of the surroundings, the way you can really feel Vlad's awe at everything. And I am reading the third chapter either today or tomorrow. And reviewing. Reviewing is the important thing.

Fare thee well!
6/18/2009 c1 Lynne Featherston
Here I am!

McKay: You're late. You're REALLY late.

You're REALLY annoying. What's your point? Now shut up and let me review.

Have I ever mentioned to you just exactly how cool I think it is that Vlad's machina is named 'Maugrim'? I don't remember if I did, so I'm doing it now. If I've already done it...well...it bears repeating.

"this dreadful she-wolf with the heart of a star, senses that stretch to the horizon and beyond, and wrath that burns like the sun and can make widows at a range of kilometers"

I love this line. It's just beautifully written and gives you a peek into just how much Vlad is awed by his machina.

'her name is used in an ancient tome for a male'


Okay, the 'harlequins'? I'm terrified just reading about them. But...yay Neil! 'entree or dessert?'-I'm totally picturing Christian Bale just staring at Vlad like...well, like he stared at people for part of 'Equilibrium'.

This invitation is definitely double-edged. And now onwards to the dinner!
5/30/2009 c1 4Survived Abortion
I agree with your 'pay it forward' concept, and have never seen it before. I hope it is successful. Here is my review, and thank you for yours.

The story is solid, I don't believe your writing could be corrected. You know what you're doing. It's rare to come across a story line with 'mecha's, or any sort of machine fighting force that is both outside the plot line of Gundam Wing (to which I pay no attention) and is not settled in Japan.

Bravo. I like change.

It was interesting when you mentioned how no one held sentiment towards their mecha, and then turn around and have Vlad do just that. I like the reason he held for reffering to it as 'she'. It is a very well-put together story, the description of the maniquins delightfully disturbing. Which is a good thing from my standpoint. I wonder if we'll see some fighting between Vlad and them.

See you around~
5/29/2009 c1 4Guacamole
Well this is definitely a very unique and creative plot. It's like the future meets the past in this story. It will be interesting to see how you continue this story. i will stay tuned.
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