for Hiding Blood3/8/2013 c5 
2Sir Scott
That had me going for a moment. I remember that story somewhat. I'll have to check it out sometime.
SirScott
2Sir ScottThat had me going for a moment. I remember that story somewhat. I'll have to check it out sometime.
SirScott
2/23/2010 c1 8sealednectar
I like this so far, it's really interesting.
could not longer deny -no longer deny
Patty did go other placed-places
Georgia just looked at-no need for 'just'
Patty knew she had to refused-refuse
much she same way -the
8sealednectarI like this so far, it's really interesting.
could not longer deny -no longer deny
Patty did go other placed-places
Georgia just looked at-no need for 'just'
Patty knew she had to refused-refuse
much she same way -the
2/10/2010 c4 27Jhaynee
There was something so intriguing about this story. The ending was hardly expected, but I loved the writing style. Makes me wonder what really happened at the end. It was an ending, but there's always the WHAT NOW, questions hanging in the air.
Very inspiring, truly this story is amazing.
27JhayneeThere was something so intriguing about this story. The ending was hardly expected, but I loved the writing style. Makes me wonder what really happened at the end. It was an ending, but there's always the WHAT NOW, questions hanging in the air.
Very inspiring, truly this story is amazing.
1/21/2009 c1 9TuneOut
This is an interesting story. It's fascinating that she got away with hiding the pregnancy for that long without anyone knowing. Still, you explained it well and was logical.
I like Patti and the extended family that you built up. Sometimes it's friends that end up being closer.
"Of course, Patty did go other placed" There's a small typo there with placed. Should be places.
Another thing that I noticed was the paragraph describing her playing softball. I don't know if it's me but I thought she was just there at the field reliving her past season. It wasn't until you told me the score that I found out that it was an actually game. I think you should make that a little more clear.
It was surprise to know that she was that far along! I think you set up enough clues but I didn't catch them. I assumed that she was maybe four months or whatever.
Nice job!
9TuneOutThis is an interesting story. It's fascinating that she got away with hiding the pregnancy for that long without anyone knowing. Still, you explained it well and was logical.
I like Patti and the extended family that you built up. Sometimes it's friends that end up being closer.
"Of course, Patty did go other placed" There's a small typo there with placed. Should be places.
Another thing that I noticed was the paragraph describing her playing softball. I don't know if it's me but I thought she was just there at the field reliving her past season. It wasn't until you told me the score that I found out that it was an actually game. I think you should make that a little more clear.
It was surprise to know that she was that far along! I think you set up enough clues but I didn't catch them. I assumed that she was maybe four months or whatever.
Nice job!
12/13/2008 c4 13blurrylights
Wow...this was an amazing story. I loved it, and it was just so...interesting. Some of this did happen to you, and it's different, to get the point of view of an adopted child, especially when the story is so soap opera-y. Is you're dad actually your biological father? Or was that a change you made? And why did you never see Will again?
Anyway, amazing. I can't wait to read more by you. :)
13blurrylightsWow...this was an amazing story. I loved it, and it was just so...interesting. Some of this did happen to you, and it's different, to get the point of view of an adopted child, especially when the story is so soap opera-y. Is you're dad actually your biological father? Or was that a change you made? And why did you never see Will again?
Anyway, amazing. I can't wait to read more by you. :)
12/13/2008 c3 blurrylights
Oh wow...is this based off a true story? This is insane..poor Millie. Oh, so is Georgia the sister? I get it now! Gayle adopted Millie...how interesting. This is insane. But so good..I love it. :)
Oh wow...is this based off a true story? This is insane..poor Millie. Oh, so is Georgia the sister? I get it now! Gayle adopted Millie...how interesting. This is insane. But so good..I love it. :)
12/13/2008 c2 blurrylights
This is very entertaining...I can't believe Patty gave her up, and that Georgia took her in. So then who's the sister? That confuses me...but I guess that's the way four year olds think? I don;t know. :)
This is very entertaining...I can't believe Patty gave her up, and that Georgia took her in. So then who's the sister? That confuses me...but I guess that's the way four year olds think? I don;t know. :)
10/28/2008 c4 20Twilight Starr
"it’s decay"-"its decay".
Aren't you lucky? Your chapter gets first priority in being reviewed now that I'm back to reviewing.
Wow. Great ending. It made me want to cry for her. Nice work.
~Twilight Starr~
20Twilight Starr"it’s decay"-"its decay".
Aren't you lucky? Your chapter gets first priority in being reviewed now that I'm back to reviewing.
Wow. Great ending. It made me want to cry for her. Nice work.
~Twilight Starr~
9/4/2008 c4 12elisefey
Wow, what a dramatic moment to find out that her adoptive father is her biological one. I mean, Millie's mom was so loving that it's sad that he would do that to such a good woman. Really beautifully ended. I'd give a better (more comprehensive) review right now, but the thing is that I can't think of any more to say about this story without ruining the impact it had. Totally adding it to my favorites.
Anyway, your reply made me feel so validated. I'm definitely putting "The Last Khalid" on my to read list now. Oh! And happy belated birthday!
12elisefeyWow, what a dramatic moment to find out that her adoptive father is her biological one. I mean, Millie's mom was so loving that it's sad that he would do that to such a good woman. Really beautifully ended. I'd give a better (more comprehensive) review right now, but the thing is that I can't think of any more to say about this story without ruining the impact it had. Totally adding it to my favorites.
Anyway, your reply made me feel so validated. I'm definitely putting "The Last Khalid" on my to read list now. Oh! And happy belated birthday!
9/1/2008 c4 9Dot Cubed
i really really like this chapter title. like, it's just kind of full circle, maybe? just because millie was always so confused about what was real.
"my mother passes away from leukemia." - D: D: D: D: D:
D: this chapter is so depressing! like, the first paragraph just hurts to read.
Oh wait I totally just remembered she's married! That announcement kind of got put on the back burner after Gayle died. What's his name? And I love how he's so understanding about the whole situation. I want an awesome husband like that.
"parents who have given their kids up for adoption aren’t supposed to stay in contact with their adopted families" -okay wait, that's so not true. Like, there are open adoptions, where people give up their babies because they literally can't take care of them but they still want to be involved in the child's life! Stop being silly, Millie's husband.
"Just because my family adopted her child doesn’t mean that she can’t have anything to do with them ever again" -thank you, Millie.
And thank you, Millie's husband. Totes reacted awesomely to that explanation.
D: why is this chapter so depressing! now you're hurting Millie's dad!
"he claims that my mother has been sitting at the end of the bed staring at him at night. Another woman, he says, has also been in his room with her three small children, and they just keep watching him while he’s trying to sleep." -okay that is so.o.o.o.o.o creepy.
"I wonder what it’s like to know that I have the biological power to help someone I love" -a.w.w.w.w.w.w. Millie! This chapter hurts, gp.
“Well, that shouldn’t really matter,” -YAY! SAVE MILLIE'S DAD. I am going to start a campaign. With like posters and stickers, or something. It will be amazing and it will be about saving Millie's dad. But I think this is the last chapter so yeah, just don't kill him off! Because then all this preparation will have been for nothing.
“And how are you related to Jay Peters?” -FATHER. OH MAN.
"Perhaps my gestures will make sense to this man." -hahaha Millie! I love you.
"I think he is just trying to find more things to add to my dad’s medical bill." -hee. But the dad's going to be okay, right? MY CAMPAIGN IS WORKING, LOOK AT THAT
"Acting like children helps distract us when heavy things like hospitals and impending death are on our minds." -so totally true.
"the blood types of my brother, my dad, and me are enough to suggest relation" -CALLED IT.
"My seventy-year-old dad is still off his rocker (both literally and figuratively) in the hospital bed and has no clue what’s going on." -okay, so my campaign isn't working. well, this sucks.
"There is a 99 percent change that John Peters is my biological father." -wait. okay. i am so totally wrong. i thought the dad was Jay! oh man, now this just makes me really sad. I TAKE BACK MY CAMPAIGN.
"My dad cheated on my mom with my sister’s best friend" -see above. No more campaigning for you, Millie's dad! MILLIE'S REAL DAD. WAIT, THAT TOTALLY BLOWS MY MIND RIGHT NOW. D: D: D: I feel like that deserves a sad face, for some reason. Poor Gayle!
p.s. where is Millie's husband in all of this? He's totally my fave, just because he hasn't been wrapped up in any drama.
"I’m glad she’s not here to learn this information." -so am I. sad chapter!
"But for some reason, I’m not happy about it" - D: MILLIE.
"because he is still in the hospital and completely out of his mind." -oh my God this chapter depresses me so much. I don't know why I decided to quote this part, though. Mainly because everything's falling apart? IT'S SAD.
"Jay becomes standoffish" -I totally need to apologize to him now cause I thought he was the father. Um. Sorry, Jay.
"Is that what a real father would do?" -n.o.o.o.o.o.o.o. Personally, Millie, your real father is rather squicky.
"He gave me his blood; should I give him mine?" -I do not know why I love this quote so much. I just do.
"I sob for her because she was too great of a person to deserve even an ounce of anything that terrible." -I MISS GAYLE.
"I miss her" -it looks like me and Millie are twins, now.
Perfect last line, seriously. This chapter was so mind-boggling what with everything that happened but I just feel like that last line wrapped it up perfectly. Very nice. I mean it's not really a happy ending in the sense that the last chapter was SO DEPRESSING, but it's a realistic ending. Like even after all of this, Millie's life is going to go on. It sucks that she's lost Gayle, though. I really miss Gayle.
OH SNAP, MILLIE'S DAD WAS HAVING THE HALLUCINATIONS BECAUSE HE FEELS GUILTY. Sorry, that just came to me in a brain flash and really needed to be but in all caps. Just so you know.
This was a true story! Aw man, I don't know what to say about that. Seriously, I'm glad you wrote this, because it was definitely one of the best things you've written and it was just so honest and yes it was realistic! Do not put yourself down like that, I loved every single second. Except for the very depressing chapter four, but I can grow to love it in time. Possibly.
Sorry I took so long to review! DQ
9Dot Cubedi really really like this chapter title. like, it's just kind of full circle, maybe? just because millie was always so confused about what was real.
"my mother passes away from leukemia." - D: D: D: D: D:
D: this chapter is so depressing! like, the first paragraph just hurts to read.
Oh wait I totally just remembered she's married! That announcement kind of got put on the back burner after Gayle died. What's his name? And I love how he's so understanding about the whole situation. I want an awesome husband like that.
"parents who have given their kids up for adoption aren’t supposed to stay in contact with their adopted families" -okay wait, that's so not true. Like, there are open adoptions, where people give up their babies because they literally can't take care of them but they still want to be involved in the child's life! Stop being silly, Millie's husband.
"Just because my family adopted her child doesn’t mean that she can’t have anything to do with them ever again" -thank you, Millie.
And thank you, Millie's husband. Totes reacted awesomely to that explanation.
D: why is this chapter so depressing! now you're hurting Millie's dad!
"he claims that my mother has been sitting at the end of the bed staring at him at night. Another woman, he says, has also been in his room with her three small children, and they just keep watching him while he’s trying to sleep." -okay that is so.o.o.o.o.o creepy.
"I wonder what it’s like to know that I have the biological power to help someone I love" -a.w.w.w.w.w.w. Millie! This chapter hurts, gp.
“Well, that shouldn’t really matter,” -YAY! SAVE MILLIE'S DAD. I am going to start a campaign. With like posters and stickers, or something. It will be amazing and it will be about saving Millie's dad. But I think this is the last chapter so yeah, just don't kill him off! Because then all this preparation will have been for nothing.
“And how are you related to Jay Peters?” -FATHER. OH MAN.
"Perhaps my gestures will make sense to this man." -hahaha Millie! I love you.
"I think he is just trying to find more things to add to my dad’s medical bill." -hee. But the dad's going to be okay, right? MY CAMPAIGN IS WORKING, LOOK AT THAT
"Acting like children helps distract us when heavy things like hospitals and impending death are on our minds." -so totally true.
"the blood types of my brother, my dad, and me are enough to suggest relation" -CALLED IT.
"My seventy-year-old dad is still off his rocker (both literally and figuratively) in the hospital bed and has no clue what’s going on." -okay, so my campaign isn't working. well, this sucks.
"There is a 99 percent change that John Peters is my biological father." -wait. okay. i am so totally wrong. i thought the dad was Jay! oh man, now this just makes me really sad. I TAKE BACK MY CAMPAIGN.
"My dad cheated on my mom with my sister’s best friend" -see above. No more campaigning for you, Millie's dad! MILLIE'S REAL DAD. WAIT, THAT TOTALLY BLOWS MY MIND RIGHT NOW. D: D: D: I feel like that deserves a sad face, for some reason. Poor Gayle!
p.s. where is Millie's husband in all of this? He's totally my fave, just because he hasn't been wrapped up in any drama.
"I’m glad she’s not here to learn this information." -so am I. sad chapter!
"But for some reason, I’m not happy about it" - D: MILLIE.
"because he is still in the hospital and completely out of his mind." -oh my God this chapter depresses me so much. I don't know why I decided to quote this part, though. Mainly because everything's falling apart? IT'S SAD.
"Jay becomes standoffish" -I totally need to apologize to him now cause I thought he was the father. Um. Sorry, Jay.
"Is that what a real father would do?" -n.o.o.o.o.o.o.o. Personally, Millie, your real father is rather squicky.
"He gave me his blood; should I give him mine?" -I do not know why I love this quote so much. I just do.
"I sob for her because she was too great of a person to deserve even an ounce of anything that terrible." -I MISS GAYLE.
"I miss her" -it looks like me and Millie are twins, now.
Perfect last line, seriously. This chapter was so mind-boggling what with everything that happened but I just feel like that last line wrapped it up perfectly. Very nice. I mean it's not really a happy ending in the sense that the last chapter was SO DEPRESSING, but it's a realistic ending. Like even after all of this, Millie's life is going to go on. It sucks that she's lost Gayle, though. I really miss Gayle.
OH SNAP, MILLIE'S DAD WAS HAVING THE HALLUCINATIONS BECAUSE HE FEELS GUILTY. Sorry, that just came to me in a brain flash and really needed to be but in all caps. Just so you know.
This was a true story! Aw man, I don't know what to say about that. Seriously, I'm glad you wrote this, because it was definitely one of the best things you've written and it was just so honest and yes it was realistic! Do not put yourself down like that, I loved every single second. Except for the very depressing chapter four, but I can grow to love it in time. Possibly.
Sorry I took so long to review! DQ
9/1/2008 c4 4Gilly Bean2
This was an interesting story. I just thought I would write a quick note about the genetic stuff: for a kidney donation they will do blood type matching, and also tissue matching. Blood type is realated to genetics, but not so closely that it would create enough interest for a doctor to perform a paternity test. It would be in the tissue matching that they look at genes, and where there would be a possibility of finding that someone is related. Just a little information there, because I am full of medical info. :) Cheers!
Gilly
4Gilly Bean2This was an interesting story. I just thought I would write a quick note about the genetic stuff: for a kidney donation they will do blood type matching, and also tissue matching. Blood type is realated to genetics, but not so closely that it would create enough interest for a doctor to perform a paternity test. It would be in the tissue matching that they look at genes, and where there would be a possibility of finding that someone is related. Just a little information there, because I am full of medical info. :) Cheers!
Gilly
9/1/2008 c3 9Dot Cubed
i am so behind on my reviewing that it really isn't funny anymore. anyway. i'm here now! :)
Aww, poor Millie. I really feel bad for her; she just wants all the last name issues to be over. It's like she doesn't have an identity because people expect her to be someone else.
"the school administrators are heartless bastards" -hahaha I love that.
"I change schools again in tenth grade" -why does she keep changing schools? Is it because of the name thing? Personally, I wouldn't want to change all over the place.
"my mom sets a candy dish filled with Hershey’s miniature candy cars on the nightstand next to my bed" -that is such a cute detail. I don't know why.
"I have to go back into the chambers with the judge and talk to him by myself" -that's gotta be so scary! I am such a shy person, seriously, and if I had to do that I would probably just burst into tears halfway through.
"For some reason, this relieves me a little" -it relieves me too. Except I'm not the one doing this. Never mind.
"who looks uncannily similar to Adam Sandler" -I love Adam Sandler! Random, I know.
"We find it hard to believe that he didn’t speak a word of English when he first came to this county last year." -hahahahaha
I like this scene with the judge. It seems very realistic to me, for some reason, especially Millie's concerns about the word "real."
"Adam Sandler jumps in immediately" -hahaha I love how she calls him Adam Sandler in her head.
"My mom cries because her name will finally be on my birth certificate where it belongs, and I cry because now I can use the name Peters without any ramifications." -a.w.w.w.w.w.w
"The lady is not convinced that my absence is excusable" -okay, seriously, attendance ladies are so stingy when it comes to excused absences! The one at my school needed to have your parents call and have you get a note, it was just ridiculous.
"My mom wants to pull out the old birth certificate and burn it, but she can’t find it." -for some reason that makes me feel really bad for Patty. I don't know why. I guess I kinda got invested in her back in the first chapter! haha
"She can’t find it because I have stolen it." -now Millie's a klepto too? It's like an epidemic!
"The result was that twenty or so people showed up at their house and then proceeded to drive a caravan to Patty’s house around the corner, demanding that the baby be given back to them" -hahaha
"That’s the last time I ever see Will." -a.w.w.w.w.w that's sad. I guess she doesn't feel close to her brother, but still.
"I still don’t know who my father is" -okay now I am so totally curious about who her father is. You keep bringing it up when I've completely forgotten about it.
I really like the way time passes chronologically. Like you don't need to share every detail of Millie's life. You just sort of go over the important things and then move on. It's very realistic, in my opinion.
"But then I start exercising more and doing crossword puzzles, just to be safe." -hahaha oh, Millie. I kind of love you.
9Dot Cubedi am so behind on my reviewing that it really isn't funny anymore. anyway. i'm here now! :)
Aww, poor Millie. I really feel bad for her; she just wants all the last name issues to be over. It's like she doesn't have an identity because people expect her to be someone else.
"the school administrators are heartless bastards" -hahaha I love that.
"I change schools again in tenth grade" -why does she keep changing schools? Is it because of the name thing? Personally, I wouldn't want to change all over the place.
"my mom sets a candy dish filled with Hershey’s miniature candy cars on the nightstand next to my bed" -that is such a cute detail. I don't know why.
"I have to go back into the chambers with the judge and talk to him by myself" -that's gotta be so scary! I am such a shy person, seriously, and if I had to do that I would probably just burst into tears halfway through.
"For some reason, this relieves me a little" -it relieves me too. Except I'm not the one doing this. Never mind.
"who looks uncannily similar to Adam Sandler" -I love Adam Sandler! Random, I know.
"We find it hard to believe that he didn’t speak a word of English when he first came to this county last year." -hahahahaha
I like this scene with the judge. It seems very realistic to me, for some reason, especially Millie's concerns about the word "real."
"Adam Sandler jumps in immediately" -hahaha I love how she calls him Adam Sandler in her head.
"My mom cries because her name will finally be on my birth certificate where it belongs, and I cry because now I can use the name Peters without any ramifications." -a.w.w.w.w.w.w
"The lady is not convinced that my absence is excusable" -okay, seriously, attendance ladies are so stingy when it comes to excused absences! The one at my school needed to have your parents call and have you get a note, it was just ridiculous.
"My mom wants to pull out the old birth certificate and burn it, but she can’t find it." -for some reason that makes me feel really bad for Patty. I don't know why. I guess I kinda got invested in her back in the first chapter! haha
"She can’t find it because I have stolen it." -now Millie's a klepto too? It's like an epidemic!
"The result was that twenty or so people showed up at their house and then proceeded to drive a caravan to Patty’s house around the corner, demanding that the baby be given back to them" -hahaha
"That’s the last time I ever see Will." -a.w.w.w.w.w that's sad. I guess she doesn't feel close to her brother, but still.
"I still don’t know who my father is" -okay now I am so totally curious about who her father is. You keep bringing it up when I've completely forgotten about it.
I really like the way time passes chronologically. Like you don't need to share every detail of Millie's life. You just sort of go over the important things and then move on. It's very realistic, in my opinion.
"But then I start exercising more and doing crossword puzzles, just to be safe." -hahaha oh, Millie. I kind of love you.
8/28/2008 c4 1Katie Saychiadu
Hey Gran,
So... I remember you warning me that this chapter might be weird and not as touching as the others, but you were only right about one thing. It was a little weird, but in an entertaining/readable way. The part about Millie's dad seeing the people in his room was spooky - I scare easily. And also touching because I know that older people can sometimes go insane/die of a broken heart when their lifelong partner passes.
Anyway, for the other stuff... so interesting. I enjoyed reading it. The last chapter was beautiful and... ta dah... touching!
Thank you for sharing this story and I'm sure if your mother were reading this she would be so proud of you. You're a great writer and a great person. If you were my daughter, I would be proud.
1Katie SaychiaduHey Gran,
So... I remember you warning me that this chapter might be weird and not as touching as the others, but you were only right about one thing. It was a little weird, but in an entertaining/readable way. The part about Millie's dad seeing the people in his room was spooky - I scare easily. And also touching because I know that older people can sometimes go insane/die of a broken heart when their lifelong partner passes.
Anyway, for the other stuff... so interesting. I enjoyed reading it. The last chapter was beautiful and... ta dah... touching!
Thank you for sharing this story and I'm sure if your mother were reading this she would be so proud of you. You're a great writer and a great person. If you were my daughter, I would be proud.
8/28/2008 c4 Harissa Squeezy
I don't think you need to add the author's note. It's so well written that it becomes convincing.
I don't think you need to add the author's note. It's so well written that it becomes convincing.