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for Want

9/3/2008 c1 2The Jab
Oh man, I know this longing kind of feeling. Having one of my friends in Puerto Rico, the other on vacation and others unavailable, my summer has been terrible. This is nice though. I always like to find people going through similar problems.
9/2/2008 c1 Charactarantula
It does sound like something a teenager (16, you said?) would write, not in regards to the subject matter or anything, but more to the voice. I remember doing little poems like this a few years ago, so it really strikes a chord.

My favorite line was: "But nothing I can do/Will set me free/So I won’t let you see this/I just can’t"

And I love what you did with the italics, constantly reminding yourself that "I just can't." And then finally, in the end, not using them... it was like that thought of "I just can't" in the back of your mind was pushing forward and you were almost making a decision to move on. Good stuff.


8/20/2008 c1 10Caecilia
Very easy poem to relate to, I'd think.

Might want to add some more punctuation so it's not all one long run-on sentence. Good for if you wrote it at 16.

Good writing.

8/20/2008 c1 15heart shaped box x3
It was a nice poem. Hard to believe that it's 17 years old. Sheesh, that's older than I am. Anyway, it needs some more punctuation. The would probably make the flow a bit better. Because right now is seems a tad chunky to me. And, not every line has to start off as a capitalization. I rather liked it, though. Your word choice was nice and simple, but that fit the poem well.

-Drea {heart shaped box}
8/20/2008 c1 FuckMeAlice
Boy, can I relate.

16-year-old angst is universal, apparently.

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