Just In
for The World Is Quiet Here

8/22/2008 c1 24ilovetheopera
try not to abuse ellipses "..." so much. i think the use of them here is highly unnecessary, and it looks sloppy, in addition to spoiling the rhythm of the poem.

also, "gonna" is highly incongruent with the rest of it. if you want to use slang, write a poem with a considerable amount of it. the tone and style of this poem is just not suitable for slang. why not, for example, "i will lay here in these woods where the world is quiet." also, "i'm" sounds very informal - same thing.

otherwise, probably the best thing on the Just In page, and i do like it.

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