for So What If I'm Blind
17/6/2010 c3 JeneyaStorm
"Charlie, what can I fucking help you with at freaking 9 in the morning?"
-temper
how did he get her number?
"Charlie, what can I fucking help you with at freaking 9 in the morning?"
-temper
how did he get her number?
4/6/2010 c5 sealednectar
This is quite interesting, but there are some grammatical errors. For example, there are fragmented sentences like:
' "We're here, young one." His gentle raspy voice informed me as I heard the ding.'-after 'young one' it should be a comma, not a full stop, otherwise it doesn't make sense.
Also, she wouldn't have to count the steps in her home because she would have learned the layout of the house by then. She would only need to count steps if she's somewhere new/unfamiliar.
I wish there was more detail on both the main characters and what they are thinking.
Anyway, this has lots of potential and keep writing!:)
This is quite interesting, but there are some grammatical errors. For example, there are fragmented sentences like:
' "We're here, young one." His gentle raspy voice informed me as I heard the ding.'-after 'young one' it should be a comma, not a full stop, otherwise it doesn't make sense.
Also, she wouldn't have to count the steps in her home because she would have learned the layout of the house by then. She would only need to count steps if she's somewhere new/unfamiliar.
I wish there was more detail on both the main characters and what they are thinking.
Anyway, this has lots of potential and keep writing!:)
1/7/2010 c3 d00fus
AW it would be better if she goes all mad shouting "who are you calling an that can't even be seen under a microscope?" or something like that whenever he says the word short xD.
AW it would be better if she goes all mad shouting "who are you calling an that can't even be seen under a microscope?" or something like that whenever he says the word short xD.
12/30/2009 c5 mykes
Lol, great story. I would absolutely love to see more! I want to see how the characters progress and when and how the romance kicks in, IF there is going to be any romance at all? -hint hint nudge nudge-
Heh heh... Happy Holidays!
Lol, great story. I would absolutely love to see more! I want to see how the characters progress and when and how the romance kicks in, IF there is going to be any romance at all? -hint hint nudge nudge-
Heh heh... Happy Holidays!
9/11/2009 c5 polkadotts
you have to seriously update this story its really something! pretty please with a cherry on top :) hope you update soon i liked the part when she smashed her desk lol amazing image
you have to seriously update this story its really something! pretty please with a cherry on top :) hope you update soon i liked the part when she smashed her desk lol amazing image
8/16/2009 c4 WinMyHeart5444
Awh, I didn't think it dragged on at all :) I know I'm responding to an old message, but oh well. :D I think it would be adorable if he went to her house or something to win her over. :) Also, I like the Bruce Wayne vibe that Xavier has going on ;)
Awh, I didn't think it dragged on at all :) I know I'm responding to an old message, but oh well. :D I think it would be adorable if he went to her house or something to win her over. :) Also, I like the Bruce Wayne vibe that Xavier has going on ;)
8/16/2009 c3 WinMyHeart5444
AH! Haha, this is going to be such a great love story :) I love these types, they make me all smiley :P
AH! Haha, this is going to be such a great love story :) I love these types, they make me all smiley :P