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for Pain

6/10/2012 c1 28a-perpetual-hiraeth
I'm a total angst whore so this poem easily caught my attention. While I was reading the poem itself, I thought you were talking about a broken heart - how you wanted to have it ripped out. But then I read your author's note and burst out laughing. Who ever knew a toothache could be so angsty? :P
11/11/2010 c1 18Loss of Words
You're right, this definitely isn't your best. :P

But I love the A/N, it makes it feel like this is a joke between friends long after the toothache is gone. And for that, I like it. :)
9/9/2010 c1 70Guy1122
So, I'm not going to lie, I laughed really hard when I read the A/N.

I actually like this, I'm about to go read some more of your stuff since this isn't your "best".

I like how there is no spacing between the three words. I can feel the pain and emotion behind them.

Well written.

- Guy
6/9/2010 c1 22Breathing Ice
Oh my God, it was about your tooth. I laughed when I read that. Nice poem by the way :)
9/15/2009 c1 67Samurai-Soldier
Well, you had me until I read that it was just a tooth. Ha ha, i'm kidding; it's very good, if only about a tooth. A like how you placed all the pain adjectives as one; such a scrunching together adds to the delivery. Excellent job, Peace.
7/28/2009 c1 CandleQueen

I like the run-on here, as if each sensation blurs into the next, as if the pain takes on many forms, though one symptom is not very noteworthy from the others.

"Rip it out or cut me open"

I enjoyed this line. It was like saying, 'destroy it or destroy me'.

lol, And I also like your inspiration for the poem itself. I laughed when I read that part. XD

5/26/2009 c1 fleur de l'est
I think first and foremost the title "Pain" is a bit weak because as you've pointed out there are so many poems out there looking exactly like this.

However on the whole I found the poem quite strong, especially the second spaceless line, and the 1st line of the 2nd stanza is probably the best line overall. The last line again seemed a bit weak, partly because there is no rhyme there and the meter is very irregular, and also the concept there is not that striking.
4/29/2009 c1 51thatkid
lol its good liked the a/n
4/25/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
Haha, I remember reading this poem and feeling surprised.

I liked the exaggeration of how much a toothache can hurt, because of how it could be interpreted. A message on simple things? Either way, hopefully the toothache is gone now.

The lack of punctuation in the first stanza was odd, especially because of the second line's format.

I liked the usage of "finally" in the last line; puts more emphasis on the pain and how long it's been going on.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.
4/5/2009 c1 4The-Golden-Hour
Och! xD
2/12/2009 c1 Your Beloved
Wow. I never knew there could be so much angst from a toothache. But then again, I've never had a chronic toothache before unless you count wisdom teeth coming in as a chronic toothache. Haha.

I believe "never ending" is supposed to be 'never-ending' or maybe it could be either or depending on your preferences. I guess what you already have is a bit more powerful than my lame suggestion. lol.

Why aren't there any commas in the first stanza? Of course, depending on your preference, I would have thrown in a bit of punctuation spice in there for formality's sake. "The pain is never ending: / achingthrobbingpiercing; / an unidentifiable cause." - or something like that.

I like that you used the word 'finally' in the last line - it gives me an inkling of how long this pain has been torturing the speaker. The author's note at the end made me feel a little bit better because I know that this isn't about self-harm. Haha.

Happy Valentines Day, love.


Your Blind Date
1/25/2009 c1 half-sketched.staccatos
konnichi wa

*chuckles* I find it almost comical that this poem, which looks at first glance as if speaking about heartbreak or all the other teenage angst that people have written about on fp, is actually about a toothache. Of course, there is absolutely nothing funny about toothaches. I can completely empathize. I have allergies that attack at will, bringing pain and itchiness to all areas of my face: ears, eyes, nose, and teeth especially. The pain in my teeth often has me wishing for a drill. I actually once took a pencil and stabbed myself in the ear because the itchiness finally drove me to insanity. Not the brightest of ideas, obviously. Luckily, I did not stab deep enough to cause any permanent damage - just a bit of bleeding for a little while. My hearing, thank G-d, was left undamaged.

You should see someone about that, though I am sure you already have. Orthodontist... Actually, my suggestion would be to make an appointment with an ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor) because often pain in the teeth can originate from the ears and vice versa.

I hope you find the cause. I don't know if I would be able to handle that on a continuous basis. It is bad enough being a continual pain, but to make it constant? *shakes head* I wish you respite from the agony. :(

Ha det

12/24/2008 c1 102firemounrain
A year of toothache? I would go mad. Good luck, and I hope you get it solved soon.
11/24/2008 c1 103heartbroken922
everyone can relate to this, whether it be a toothache or a heartbreak. great job, and I espeically love the no spacing in the second line.
11/16/2008 c1 Carus
I was thinking when I read it... angsty teen poem about cutting. Then I read the A/N - hahaahha. Made me laugh, not in a horrible way :] I like it. Especially the second line of the first stanza.

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