for How it Once Was4/6/2017 c1 Hayley
I wanna read this story
I wanna read this story
11/9/2012 c8 lanagon39
I really love the story, but I hate it when a chick doesn't retaliate to being slapped (I'd hit back, so it's hard to imagine)
Apart from that little tidbit of annoyance that...really doesn't relate to much...this story's awesome!
I really love the story, but I hate it when a chick doesn't retaliate to being slapped (I'd hit back, so it's hard to imagine)
Apart from that little tidbit of annoyance that...really doesn't relate to much...this story's awesome!
5/20/2012 c15 
1Spiked Angel
I'm sorry but I can't keep reading past this.
Iffy grammar, I can attempt to look past when the story's good, but...
It's unrealistic and feels like a TV show knock-off.
Neither the plot nor the characters have any depth to them. No emotion is conveyed, none of the characters seem to grow, there isn't enough... well, enough anything in this. It's just so void, vapid, shallow and unreal.
I feel like my brain is rotting out reading this tweenaged drivel.
1Spiked AngelI'm sorry but I can't keep reading past this.
Iffy grammar, I can attempt to look past when the story's good, but...
It's unrealistic and feels like a TV show knock-off.
Neither the plot nor the characters have any depth to them. No emotion is conveyed, none of the characters seem to grow, there isn't enough... well, enough anything in this. It's just so void, vapid, shallow and unreal.
I feel like my brain is rotting out reading this tweenaged drivel.
2/22/2012 c7 Avery101
Great story girl! Any chance you could create a story about a boy named Cord and a girl named Laine and she moved to california because her mum and dad died in a car crash and she had a cousin in california called Seth and he had a sister the same age as me 18, Seth was 19? And then she starts school in california and Seth is the most popular boy along with his HOT mate Cobe and she's tired one day so he decides to let her sleep in his house,she wakes up and starts to panik, then you could carry on from there?
Great story girl! Any chance you could create a story about a boy named Cord and a girl named Laine and she moved to california because her mum and dad died in a car crash and she had a cousin in california called Seth and he had a sister the same age as me 18, Seth was 19? And then she starts school in california and Seth is the most popular boy along with his HOT mate Cobe and she's tired one day so he decides to let her sleep in his house,she wakes up and starts to panik, then you could carry on from there?
12/7/2011 c4 Aradia Cloud
Weak. Lame. That's the first word that came to my head when Jess slapped Kris and Kris did nothing. How could you just let someone come into YOUR house and assault you like that? Lame, I say.
Weak. Lame. That's the first word that came to my head when Jess slapped Kris and Kris did nothing. How could you just let someone come into YOUR house and assault you like that? Lame, I say.
6/15/2011 c24 deletedaccount36912
That was AWESOME! Seriously. Jess is crazy. A psycho. A maniac. You know...all that stuff. I loved it when Aimee starts crushing on Jordan and is trying to convince Kris into getting back with him and Kris gives her that evil smile and is like, "So...you like him...?" I started laughing really hard because that's how I pictured it...you know, Kris raising her eyebrow with a sly smirk on her face? And then Aimee's blushing like mad, looking anywhere else and is just like, "N-not really..." *nervous laugh* "N-no!" so cute! I love how much Brendan cares about Kris and Jordan cares about Aimee. I was just like "Aww!" you know...all that girly stuffs you do when you're watching a chick-flick. And I cried a couple of times, too! Oh, but i have to admit...the ending seemed a bit rushed...but other than THAATT...it was awesome! Loved it! :)
That was AWESOME! Seriously. Jess is crazy. A psycho. A maniac. You know...all that stuff. I loved it when Aimee starts crushing on Jordan and is trying to convince Kris into getting back with him and Kris gives her that evil smile and is like, "So...you like him...?" I started laughing really hard because that's how I pictured it...you know, Kris raising her eyebrow with a sly smirk on her face? And then Aimee's blushing like mad, looking anywhere else and is just like, "N-not really..." *nervous laugh* "N-no!" so cute! I love how much Brendan cares about Kris and Jordan cares about Aimee. I was just like "Aww!" you know...all that girly stuffs you do when you're watching a chick-flick. And I cried a couple of times, too! Oh, but i have to admit...the ending seemed a bit rushed...but other than THAATT...it was awesome! Loved it! :)
5/29/2011 c24 xXSoundlessMusicXx
Yeah, I agree. I love your plot but, I've seen quite a few mistakes, as we all do. Also, a tip-when someone is saying something and you end it with a period, put a comma instead IF the following is, 'I said', or 'she said'.
I've noticed that you didn't do that. Well, I hope this helps!
-xXSoundlessMusicXx
Yeah, I agree. I love your plot but, I've seen quite a few mistakes, as we all do. Also, a tip-when someone is saying something and you end it with a period, put a comma instead IF the following is, 'I said', or 'she said'.
I've noticed that you didn't do that. Well, I hope this helps!
-xXSoundlessMusicXx
5/29/2011 c14 xXSoundlessMusicXx
Hey! I love your story and all, but in this chapter, towards the end-ish, you put, 'Jordan' as, 'Jared'. I just thought you should know...
- xXSoundlessMusicXx
Hey! I love your story and all, but in this chapter, towards the end-ish, you put, 'Jordan' as, 'Jared'. I just thought you should know...
- xXSoundlessMusicXx
4/26/2011 c23 17Ashley4287
well it's a good thing i wasn't there for you to be gone ;D i'm happy i got to read the whole thing in one go... as i said for your other story, excellent job :D i'm really loving your writing :D
17Ashley4287well it's a good thing i wasn't there for you to be gone ;D i'm happy i got to read the whole thing in one go... as i said for your other story, excellent job :D i'm really loving your writing :D
12/15/2010 c23 3AJS
I think it's a good idea that you rewrite this story. Hm... it's very... it goes by very quickly, I believe. More quickly than it seems possible. I don't like the whole romance between Jordan and Aimee, just because it seemed really unbelievable. I think there should have been more meet to this story. Like it didn't go deep enough. Kris should have been more upset about Brendon just leaving her freshman year, it should have taken more than just a couple of heated moments for her to go back to him and really trust him not to run again and break her heart. They should have actually had a talk about why he started dating Jess, what they were feeling, her whole relationship with Jordan, etc. etc. I just feel like things fell into place way too fast and they got their happy ending too quickly or something.
You probably should have made Jess' whole thing a little more believable too. I mean I get the beating up thing, but a gun? That's a little too unrealistic as well.
I guess this whole story I just felt like I was flipping through the chapters and story progression wise, everything was happening way too fast with not enough detail going behind everything. Then I would look at the chapter number and realize that chapter number wise, it should be okay, but I guess that's because there wasn't enough content within each chapter.
It's also not very clear on when Jordan and Kris broke up, and when they got together.
Anyway though, I like the story line. Good luck on your rewrite, hopefully some of this review will help you with it.
- Alyssa
3AJSI think it's a good idea that you rewrite this story. Hm... it's very... it goes by very quickly, I believe. More quickly than it seems possible. I don't like the whole romance between Jordan and Aimee, just because it seemed really unbelievable. I think there should have been more meet to this story. Like it didn't go deep enough. Kris should have been more upset about Brendon just leaving her freshman year, it should have taken more than just a couple of heated moments for her to go back to him and really trust him not to run again and break her heart. They should have actually had a talk about why he started dating Jess, what they were feeling, her whole relationship with Jordan, etc. etc. I just feel like things fell into place way too fast and they got their happy ending too quickly or something.
You probably should have made Jess' whole thing a little more believable too. I mean I get the beating up thing, but a gun? That's a little too unrealistic as well.
I guess this whole story I just felt like I was flipping through the chapters and story progression wise, everything was happening way too fast with not enough detail going behind everything. Then I would look at the chapter number and realize that chapter number wise, it should be okay, but I guess that's because there wasn't enough content within each chapter.
It's also not very clear on when Jordan and Kris broke up, and when they got together.
Anyway though, I like the story line. Good luck on your rewrite, hopefully some of this review will help you with it.
- Alyssa