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for The Blind Man

8/27/2008 c1 8Written
I like it! You know what though, I think a stronger ending would have been "It wasn't until later that I wondered how the blind man realized it was me."

I think that would be like, more mysterious sounding or something... haha. ignore me.

[Oh, don’t be stupid, Dolan, you can’t seem to shake her, to get her out of your head. You couldn’t stop seeing her even if you wanted to. She drives me insane and yet I can’t get away. We are complete opposites and I could never even see us as friends. And yet, I don’t know if I could handle not having her around…not that I’m gonna tell her that.]

there's nothing wrong with this part, but the switching from calling himself "you" to calling himself "me" is a little weird for the person reading. If, and only if, you wanted, you could rewrite it to read, "I reminded myself not to be stupid..." or something like that. Changing pronouns in one paragraph just sort of throws me off :) totally up to you, of course.

where did you find the main girl's name? it's quite cool.

I hope you do find a beta soon. best of luck! I want to read more :)
8/26/2008 c1 8Dotyky
I really like this! I'd love to see more, it looks like it could really go somewhere :)

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