for Hate That I Love You6/5/2016 c3 Guest
sorry if this sounds rude but how can Alana hate Randy just because he left her without saying anything. That sounds so selfish, and the way she acts is really rude. She should have asked him about it, not HATE him. For me this is too rushed and it doesn't exactly explain a lot of basic information that makes this a confusing story. Sorry if I sound rude but this is my opinion.
sorry if this sounds rude but how can Alana hate Randy just because he left her without saying anything. That sounds so selfish, and the way she acts is really rude. She should have asked him about it, not HATE him. For me this is too rushed and it doesn't exactly explain a lot of basic information that makes this a confusing story. Sorry if I sound rude but this is my opinion.
7/30/2009 c9 
5CuriousContradiction
Hey there!
You look like you have some pretty good ideas.
Two things:
= Show, don't tell.
= The main thing that I cannot emphasize enough is grammar. Grammar is very, very important in the appearance of your story. Even the best story won't look good if it's missing periods and commas in a lot of places. There are two very helpful links on my profile that give you all the grammar and punctuation rules for dialogue (while you're there, I'd love it if you could give me some feedback on my story as well. skip the prologue if you do read it.)
I think this story does have potential. :)
5CuriousContradictionHey there!
You look like you have some pretty good ideas.
Two things:
= Show, don't tell.
= The main thing that I cannot emphasize enough is grammar. Grammar is very, very important in the appearance of your story. Even the best story won't look good if it's missing periods and commas in a lot of places. There are two very helpful links on my profile that give you all the grammar and punctuation rules for dialogue (while you're there, I'd love it if you could give me some feedback on my story as well. skip the prologue if you do read it.)
I think this story does have potential. :)
3/18/2009 c9 criti-sized
Another great chapter. I really liked the events of it and how you allowed it to slowly progress into it, a great scene.
C.S.
Another great chapter. I really liked the events of it and how you allowed it to slowly progress into it, a great scene.
C.S.
1/30/2009 c8 criti-sized
I read your story the other day but wasn't able to get around to reviewing it right away. I really like what I've read. The characters are realistic, and the scenarios are funny. There were a few parts where you changed narration or tenses, but nothing that can't be fixed, lol.
Great story.
C.S.
I read your story the other day but wasn't able to get around to reviewing it right away. I really like what I've read. The characters are realistic, and the scenarios are funny. There were a few parts where you changed narration or tenses, but nothing that can't be fixed, lol.
Great story.
C.S.
11/30/2008 c5 4Blo0d StaiNed Rose
i hope u update soon cause am dying to find out whats gonna happen next...:)
4Blo0d StaiNed Rosei hope u update soon cause am dying to find out whats gonna happen next...:)
9/10/2008 c3 1frkshlycheerful
you switched who the narrator was in the beginning of this chapter. it was very unclear and kinda confusing. there was also a couple spelling errors like “Well I’m pretty smart, I like to go shopping, I’m kind, I’m friend.”
“Your beautiful..” Randy said cutting her off
i think you meant friendly and you're.
maybe do a little revision?
god work though!
1frkshlycheerfulyou switched who the narrator was in the beginning of this chapter. it was very unclear and kinda confusing. there was also a couple spelling errors like “Well I’m pretty smart, I like to go shopping, I’m kind, I’m friend.”
“Your beautiful..” Randy said cutting her off
i think you meant friendly and you're.
maybe do a little revision?
god work though!
8/30/2008 c1 1storyofagirl ox
aw its good. poor alana. ahaha. i wanna see the next chapter (:
and check out "letting go".
1storyofagirl oxaw its good. poor alana. ahaha. i wanna see the next chapter (:
and check out "letting go".
8/30/2008 c1 He doesn't gotta know
I liked this first chapter! Can't wait to read more, update soon:D
-chrissay
I liked this first chapter! Can't wait to read more, update soon:D
-chrissay