9/2/2008 c1 1Kevin Miles
Me again. I am once again impressed by your ability to lay down an entire thought in a short, simple piece.

Just a few aesthetic (not the best word, but if you stretch it, it works) notes.

S2 L4: THIS pain is my own. (When you refer to it as this, it seems closer to you, and ergo, more personal.)

S3 L1: I sit(,) LISTLESS and empty(.) (The punctuations should be there and listless should not be used as an adverb, it ruins the flow.

S3 L3: It has been confirmed(,) they say(,)

S6 L7: ITS clawS ARE still waiting next to my heart (You did not establish a gender at the beginning so using His here confuses the reader.)

Keep writing!

Your mind is both, a tool and a weapon. Use it, but not in a way that requires you to beat it against things.

Leafeus Agamemnon

Scott Broderus