for This is not a War9/5/2009 c1 
1k+Faithless Juliet
I liked the line about pushing against your own ribs, as though this war, or idea of war were internal.
You reverberate back to this person who would not die for you (flatly) then asking: Would they kill for you (questionably) both have strong veins of emotion in them. For me, it says that if you were gone, they would not follow you, but when you’re hear and something hurts you, the other person will hurt back. I hope that makes sense. Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
Jules, via the Review Marathon (links in my profile)
1k+Faithless JulietI liked the line about pushing against your own ribs, as though this war, or idea of war were internal.
You reverberate back to this person who would not die for you (flatly) then asking: Would they kill for you (questionably) both have strong veins of emotion in them. For me, it says that if you were gone, they would not follow you, but when you’re hear and something hurts you, the other person will hurt back. I hope that makes sense. Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
Jules, via the Review Marathon (links in my profile)
12/27/2008 c1 103Jesse the Storyteller
I love these lines: "I could have sworn / The world ended three weeks ago / With a bang and a whimper / Apologies stacked away with rotting memories." Rotting memories is such an awesome clever description. way to be very original! Also, I think these lines are something that people can relate to. Great job here.
I also like these lines: "This is not a war / And I do not surrender". Great conflict and emotion here. You did a really great job with this poem. :D
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
103Jesse the StorytellerI love these lines: "I could have sworn / The world ended three weeks ago / With a bang and a whimper / Apologies stacked away with rotting memories." Rotting memories is such an awesome clever description. way to be very original! Also, I think these lines are something that people can relate to. Great job here.
I also like these lines: "This is not a war / And I do not surrender". Great conflict and emotion here. You did a really great job with this poem. :D
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
9/18/2008 c1 140Chidaruma Kamisori
I really like this.
Honestly, somethings need metaphors, somethings don't.
-C.K.
140Chidaruma KamisoriI really like this.
Honestly, somethings need metaphors, somethings don't.
-C.K.
9/9/2008 c1 perdita
it's fucking brilliant
it's fucking brilliant
9/9/2008 c1 30Scarlet Child
Personally, I'm just not satisfied.(haha kidding, just having a bit of a go at lovetolove and the irony of his/her name).
The only difference between this and your past writing, to me, is the blatancy in your words. Less metaphors, and more of a plainer meaning (and maybe a few less commas, but honestly, who cares about that). I loved the first verse- the "pushing against my own ribs line," i seem to love when people write about their insides.
Soz, i'm writing a spiel here. To conclude, i enjoyed.
30Scarlet ChildPersonally, I'm just not satisfied.(haha kidding, just having a bit of a go at lovetolove and the irony of his/her name).
The only difference between this and your past writing, to me, is the blatancy in your words. Less metaphors, and more of a plainer meaning (and maybe a few less commas, but honestly, who cares about that). I loved the first verse- the "pushing against my own ribs line," i seem to love when people write about their insides.
Soz, i'm writing a spiel here. To conclude, i enjoyed.
9/5/2008 c1 169MallowsWins
This is quite the read. I loved the line 'pushing against my own ribs'. Relationships are such a bitch. I'd like to hear this sung, but I can't sing.
169MallowsWinsThis is quite the read. I loved the line 'pushing against my own ribs'. Relationships are such a bitch. I'd like to hear this sung, but I can't sing.
9/4/2008 c1 lovetolove
I've been a long time reader and fan, but I have to say, your work is slipping. What used to be amusing, just turned sour. I have to honestly give this a 2/10. For fuck's sake woman, learn to use some proper fucking grammar!
I've been a long time reader and fan, but I have to say, your work is slipping. What used to be amusing, just turned sour. I have to honestly give this a 2/10. For fuck's sake woman, learn to use some proper fucking grammar!
9/3/2008 c1 91fairytale failure
I like the shorter bit in the middle...chorus perhaps? I think it would be a great hook in a song.
91fairytale failureI like the shorter bit in the middle...chorus perhaps? I think it would be a great hook in a song.
9/3/2008 c1 Isca
"I'm not fighting you, I'm pushing against my own ribs." That line really shows the emotional trauma that war instills upon people.
"But, this is not a war, and I do not surrender." WOW! I'm blown away! This line is so...unique and honest.
I loved the second stanza. The repetition is chilling.
"I could have sworn the world ended three weeks ago with a bang and a whimper." So tragic! You're just giving me amazing line after amazing line. :D
Seriuosly, I couldn't stop reading this. I'm going to go read it again. It's just phenomenal! Whatever Muse fuelled the creation of this poem...keep it around :P
"I'm not fighting you, I'm pushing against my own ribs." That line really shows the emotional trauma that war instills upon people.
"But, this is not a war, and I do not surrender." WOW! I'm blown away! This line is so...unique and honest.
I loved the second stanza. The repetition is chilling.
"I could have sworn the world ended three weeks ago with a bang and a whimper." So tragic! You're just giving me amazing line after amazing line. :D
Seriuosly, I couldn't stop reading this. I'm going to go read it again. It's just phenomenal! Whatever Muse fuelled the creation of this poem...keep it around :P