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for Helpless

11/11/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
A review from the Review Game on its first birthday to thank you for spreading the review love.

“I watch on the sidelines”… I think from would work better than on

“Every day.”…Everyday

I really like the piece, it’s definitely something I can relate to. I also like how you describe mostly your feelings and only a little bit of the other person. The ambiguity helps make it more universal. Ending with the title was a nice touch as well. The only thing is I might not use the word help so much; it was a bit repetitive.
10/20/2008 c1 Counting Petals
I felt like I can relate to this because I definitely see people I want to help and can't, and feel helpless. You captured that feeling of helplessness very well. Nicely done =)
9/24/2008 c1 172DefineBeauty
i like this piece. alot. mainly because i can relate to it. there are so manytimes when i want to do soemthing to help somebody else out, but there really isnt anything i can do but watch and listen. so i like how you captured that feeling.

i do however think that there is too much to this poem. too many words. i think that this could be an even more powerful piece if you were to eliminate the last half, and make the line "Every day." the last line. just my opinion.

"I watch on the sidelines

As you’re torn apart, and I’m

Terrified, horrified,

At the small, seemingly miniscule

Things you face so coolly

Every day."

I like that part of the poem, but beacause it's so different from the rest of the poem, it's kind of jolting when you read it at first. like there's a pattern to forst part of the poem, which i like, but then this kinda disrupts that pattern, which is ok, but i think that the transition could be done a little better. like maybe make different stanzas instead of having them all together.

Finally, the punctuation is great! not only is it throughout the whole poem, but it's also in the places that it should be. as far as i can tell there are no mistakes with punctuation =]

overall, i like this piece. keep writing =]
9/5/2008 c1 29Joshua Luis Uy
Good writing. Keep up the good work.
9/4/2008 c1 5Midori Ushi Law
There are times in my life when I watch too much TV and read too many stories. It embeds the idea that we are supposed to do something when we see someone close to us go through pain... Even though that is true sometimes, most times, all we can do is watch from the sidelines. I just held my gf close to me when you poured her heart and fears to me. After that day, she told me that's all she needed that night.

I like this poem because it's real talk. One can sense the pain that is felt from the writer. One can feel the helplessness of the writer. (Hopefully that met the easy fix requirements. I gave 2 reasons why i like it.)

Grammer wise, everything is fine, so nothing is taken away from the poem.

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