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for Screaming At The Moon

10/26/2009 c1 29fictionalxbliss
Wow. That was amazing. I can definitely see how this can turn into a story. This is really good work. :)
8/31/2009 c1 Reigh
I wasn't quite sure what to make of this. I still don't really know how to interpret it. But, the imagery and voice of this piece are so strong! I really commend you for being so great at this kind of writing.

Lols, I wish my poetry was this good. Good work, once again!


From the Roadhouse with Love!

Repaying 3/4
1/20/2009 c1 Thriftstar
Hi Cae,

I like the feel of this. Despite the few words, the message comes across crystal clear.

I'll check out some of your stories when I have more time.

1/1/2009 c1 49viennacantabile
You know what? I actually really like this. It's not the kind of subject I usually prefer, but you managed to draw me in. It's seductive, powerful, and makes my heart thud like I'm in love and about to die at the same time, weirdly enough. The pace and feeling is great. And as another reader commented, I like the repetition of 'baby.' It's a nice, pointed contrast to the savagery and visceral horror. :D

The only thing I'd say is that capitalizing the first word of every line is a little archaic, and I don't really think you need it here. It sort of takes away from the impact of your words, I think.

But yeah. This is really great. :D
11/4/2008 c1 5Midori Ushi Law
Slightly freaked out by the words, but extremely amazed at the beauty of the form and the symbolism/words you chose to use. Whether I like what it's about or not, this poem is really freakin good... Crap. Yeah.. I'm kinda sorta speechless.
11/1/2008 c1 5K. Molle
very well written though I have to admit I pissed myself laughing when I read your title. A part of me found it funny.
11/1/2008 c1 10TheMonomaniacalGoblin
(Gah! I can`t believe I forgot to review this!)

I thought the line breaks really contributed to the tension of the poem. In the beginning, the stanzas were lines, quick and fast, as the werewolf emerges. Then his thoughts get choppy as his love is running away. The end just kind of tips off there, holding the reader by strings.

"Let your heart

Speed up

Once again,

So the music

Of life

Can reach a crescendo."

This was my fav part, I especially loved your word choice of crescendo... All in all, the poem was graphic and detailed, yet with a simple... feeling? ...about it.

Great job, Cae! :D

Gob, from the Roadhouse!
10/29/2008 c1 45deefective
Oh, I really loved the imagery you created with this. Every word was just "BAM!" and it created this eerie feel and an interesting scene in my head. Also, I love how you make this poem have a sort of "song-ish" sound to it also. I'm not exactly sure how you did that but I can hear a tune behind the words. Very nice effect, it really makes the piece all the better to read. Nicely done.
10/29/2008 c1 la bonne annee
This is pretty cool, I think it should be on the poetry forum, but oh well. I like how its kind of vague, but my guess is he turned into a werewolf and killed his poor lover? Aww, sad. Anyway, I like how you opened with imagery of the moon and then ended on it as well, it opened and closed in the same place, and yet so much had happened. I also like that this is a little story, not just images and weird words strung together like so mucg poetry can be.

One line I didn't care for so much was "Like a gourmet meal," It just broke the flow of the dark imagery of the rest of the poem, as it felt to obvious and a little silly compared to the rest.
10/29/2008 c1 31the ashtray girl
I love the repetition of the word "baby" throughout. The short lines really work for it, too.

"picturesque pale face"

"a crackle of the spine"

and how you brought one of the first lines back to the end

i love it

10/28/2008 c1 14Thoughtful Silence
(Warning: this is one mother of a review! :))

Right, first and foremost, I thought this was great. Um... I don’t know where to begin...

- The formatting was well-thought out and flowed perfectly. Even the first two lines: "Screaming at the moon/ Howling at that beautiful" were good. Something about twisting the clichéd 'howling at the moon' and reflecting this in the second line was a nice touch.

- I loved the little intimate connotations of "oh baby" and "babe" conflicting with the volatile nature of the poem. You utilised italics very well, without overdoing it, though I feel that if you didn’t use it for "run" and "out" it would really emphasise the melancholic effect of having just "-your love- ... All alone." The way you write it, although inherently... euch (if ya know what I mean) you instil enough emotion to actually make me almost sympathetic.

- The imagery is... well, vivid would be one way of putting it. There are too many nice lines to list, but what I noticed, and while not exactly 'bad', was that some imagery was a bit lacking in comparison to others. For example 'Rich, / Like a gourmet meal' was a bit... cheesy actually, I thought. "Looks like it's been smashed" as well wasn’t so good. The lines "So when your/ Life/ Spills to the forest floor, / With the/ Silver moonbeams" were a nice build up, but didn’t appear to reach any sort of culmination.

- Final thing I noticed were the subtle sexual implications, which I thought were effective. But, from a certain show I watch (Dean-o!) and other geeky knowledge, I think it would have fit better if it were about a vampire, rather than a werewolf as their myth is much more steeped in the sexual nature. But this didn’t detract from what is fundamentally a very good poem.

Anyways, 'nuff rambling, keep up the good work!

- Silence,

Over and out.
10/26/2008 c1 Raiding Windmills
(dragonfly continued)

[From the inside

out.] Um . . . eew o_O Very gruesome.

[The night is a beautiful thing.] Nice contrast here to the rest of the poem.

[Let your heart

Speed up] Wow, those words really have a lot of impact. Especially due to the placement, it makes the reader's heart do just that.

[So the music/Of life] Uggh. Sorry we did an obnoxious song in chorus last year with that line . Intersting use in the poem, though.

[Can reach a crescendo.] Nice transition. It has a quite literal effect, to me anyway.

[Spills to the forest floor,] Nice, albeit graphic image.

[All alone] Perfect end. Simple, and with a lot of impact.

Simply wonderful poem, Cae! It is extremely graphic, but you managed to turn all that blood and gore into a truly beautiful thing. I'll be sure to add this to my favorites once I switch back to my other acocunt! :D
10/26/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Ooh, very nice :D I'll try to give you a thorough review, because this really deserves it.

[Howling at that beautiful,] This line break felt weird. I don't think the comma was needed, so that could be part of it. It just felt rather abrupt compared to some of your others.

[Picturesque pale face,] Nice alliteration, and it creates a great image.

[Ooh baby,

Ooh baby,] Something about this reminds me of a pop song. I like the idea, but I think it would come across better with different words. Maybe even just "oh" instead of "ooh?"

[It’s all coming out now.] I thought the use of this line was interesting. It obviously means emotionally, but the connection to the earlier reference to blood, though admittedly rather gross, is great.

[A crackle of the spine,] Eew, that just sent a chill down my spine. But nice effect.

[I can smell your fear] Interesting. It's almost animalistic.

[Pores.] I thought this was an odd choice to single out.

[Oh baby, it’s really just begun.] Ah, this "oh baby" worked a lot better.

[Chase you off the mountain,] Maybe put "I" at the beginning? It's a little confusing because you didn't mention /what/ chases him/her off the mountain.

(ugh, why do the new review pop-ups keep sending you to the top if your review gets too long? D:)

[While drool runs down my chin,

my claw can’t even wipe it away.] Yup, definitely animalistic here. Nice conspet, though I must say it took a while to fully establish it.

[beautiful/Fingers.] I do like the separation here. It conveys a lot of emotion, though I can't quite put my finger on what. Longing almost? But why did you capitolize "fingers?"

[Why are you running?

I just want to touch you] Nice feel of longing here.

(okay, this review pop-up is driving me crazy, I'm gonna continue from my other account)
10/26/2008 c1 5Jillian Smoke
That was so wonderfull! I can see it being sung by the band Within Temptation. You should check them out ( if you don't know them already) But that was really great!
10/20/2008 c1 2Angel of Ink
Cool. . Very cool. Kind of grim, I guess, but I like it.
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