Just In
for Moonscape

9/15/2008 c1 Jordan Williams
not a bad story. however, to me it does need some work. kind of more like cleaning some things up as well as more description of where or what they were doing. i felt like some parts were jumping from one scene to the next like there was no flow or inconsistency. it's understandable that you wrote at 16, i now want to read your other stories to see if u've improved.

i was sort of confused in a way b/c when you say war i'm thinking like the early centuries especially how it was sort of set up so having they're language be "today's" time period kind of seemed confusing to me. i dunno when u put in war and princess i think of early century.

this story is not bad but again i can feel that you can do better. i feel that you have more to say or at least give us more of a scenery or facial descriptions. i know its exhausting but to me thats what will make the story great.

as for a sequel though, i say leave it as is unless you feel that you have a good sequel like a total twist that comes out of no where, then i encourage it. but no offence this story sort of seems redundant and sometimes stories like this is already a good ending as is.

well hope u dont take this review the wrong way, im here to help. and if you do, dont be afraid to pm me.

thanks for this story. see u =D
9/13/2008 c1 53writer1211
wow that was amazing, beautaufialy written, i was getting worried there for a second. i think you should write a sequel becuase then ... then we would know the fate of therir baby if her father will freak out over it i hope you become an anuthr one day

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