for One Side2/11/2009 c6 
30queen-of-the-sand-castle
The drama was good, but I think it recquired a little more wording. It was really blunt and kind of choppy, and didn't flow too well. You have a good sense of creativity but don't make the chapters so short and brunt.
Other than that, can't wait to find out what happens next! This is really interesting!
30queen-of-the-sand-castleThe drama was good, but I think it recquired a little more wording. It was really blunt and kind of choppy, and didn't flow too well. You have a good sense of creativity but don't make the chapters so short and brunt.
Other than that, can't wait to find out what happens next! This is really interesting!
1/18/2009 c5 heartbreak warfare
NOO why can't they be friends?
no you have to UPDATE soon! i freakin love this story!
NOO why can't they be friends?
no you have to UPDATE soon! i freakin love this story!
1/18/2009 c4 heartbreak warfare
lol "hugging mode" this storyy is really funny.
oo who's mitch? i gotta read and find out!
lol "hugging mode" this storyy is really funny.
oo who's mitch? i gotta read and find out!
1/18/2009 c3 heartbreak warfare
haha I love how they just played hot potato with a boy hahaha.
ugh alyssa is such a biatch
her best friend from Italy? o sounds exciting!
haha I love how they just played hot potato with a boy hahaha.
ugh alyssa is such a biatch
her best friend from Italy? o sounds exciting!
12/29/2008 c5 30queen-of-the-sand-castle
"“Tell me about it.” Mason sighed and rested his head on Haley’s shoulder. Haley was flushing a bright red and stared down at the ground. Rob couldn’t take it anymore. He exploded into fits of laughter. Krista did too. Haley glared at them, but they were too busy laughing to notice. Amber sat on the other side of Mason, who was unaware of the laughter in the room."
:D! LOL! I can so see this pairing...you MUST make it work between Haley and Mason!
I noticed that it switches from past tense to present tense back to past tense. That's a little confusing, but it's easily ignorable. Still, it's something that you could edit.
I like the time references, like the 10-minute shower and when she cried for 2 minutes. Be careful not to go overboard with that later on, however.
OMG, Alyssa is SUCH a b*!
Amber is a little repetitive in the second half of the story.
Good job! I like this, it's cute. Update soon!
:D,
Iridescent
30queen-of-the-sand-castle"“Tell me about it.” Mason sighed and rested his head on Haley’s shoulder. Haley was flushing a bright red and stared down at the ground. Rob couldn’t take it anymore. He exploded into fits of laughter. Krista did too. Haley glared at them, but they were too busy laughing to notice. Amber sat on the other side of Mason, who was unaware of the laughter in the room."
:D! LOL! I can so see this pairing...you MUST make it work between Haley and Mason!
I noticed that it switches from past tense to present tense back to past tense. That's a little confusing, but it's easily ignorable. Still, it's something that you could edit.
I like the time references, like the 10-minute shower and when she cried for 2 minutes. Be careful not to go overboard with that later on, however.
OMG, Alyssa is SUCH a b*!
Amber is a little repetitive in the second half of the story.
Good job! I like this, it's cute. Update soon!
:D,
Iridescent
12/29/2008 c4 queen-of-the-sand-castle
"She collapsed on the ground. “Ooh, the floor’s fuzzy.” She dreamily said and rubbed her arms and legs on the floor."
LOL, that had me smiling!
"Krista and I chuckled."
Did it suddenly switch to first person? A bit confusing, you could edit that.
GASP, MITCH!
I'm guessing it's some sort of long-ago boyfriend or something. The ex always comes back! :D
I'm probably horribly wrong. Well, let's find out!
:D,
Iridescent
"She collapsed on the ground. “Ooh, the floor’s fuzzy.” She dreamily said and rubbed her arms and legs on the floor."
LOL, that had me smiling!
"Krista and I chuckled."
Did it suddenly switch to first person? A bit confusing, you could edit that.
GASP, MITCH!
I'm guessing it's some sort of long-ago boyfriend or something. The ex always comes back! :D
I'm probably horribly wrong. Well, let's find out!
:D,
Iridescent
12/29/2008 c3 queen-of-the-sand-castle
Gasp!
I think a little someone named Derrick is j!e!a!l!o!u!s! :D
Looking forwards to meeting Rob!
-Iridescent
Gasp!
I think a little someone named Derrick is j!e!a!l!o!u!s! :D
Looking forwards to meeting Rob!
-Iridescent
12/29/2008 c2 queen-of-the-sand-castle
omg, lol! if i were in that position i would so murder haley, ha! :D :D :D
looking forwards to seeing where this is going!
-Iridescent
omg, lol! if i were in that position i would so murder haley, ha! :D :D :D
looking forwards to seeing where this is going!
-Iridescent
10/12/2008 c5 2chrissayyy
This story is getting so good!
I'm so glad you updated:D
I wonder why she said that though, he was apologizing :(
but it wouldn't make much of a story if they made up already:P
UPDATE SOON:)
2chrissayyyThis story is getting so good!
I'm so glad you updated:D
I wonder why she said that though, he was apologizing :(
but it wouldn't make much of a story if they made up already:P
UPDATE SOON:)
10/12/2008 c1 12Ryette
Hey :D I really like your story. It's very much my type of plot...heh. I can already see that you've set up a number of plot twists with the new characters getting added...and they all seem like great characters. Amber and Rob are my favorites...kinda remind me of my friends.
Keep it up :P
-Ryette
12RyetteHey :D I really like your story. It's very much my type of plot...heh. I can already see that you've set up a number of plot twists with the new characters getting added...and they all seem like great characters. Amber and Rob are my favorites...kinda remind me of my friends.
Keep it up :P
-Ryette