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for Look Through My Eyes

12/8/2009 c14 21Sercus Kaynine
I adored these descriptions! They fit the simplicity of the piece so well.

"great blushing apple"

That has to be the most creative way I've ever heard the sun described!

Cute, clever piece. Good luck in WCC!
12/6/2009 c15 Brenda Agaro
"The Rider" was very well written. Good imagery.

"Let's Bet" - I like the character interaction in this piece. Humorous and clever.

Best wishes on the contests! :D
12/4/2009 c14 22Mizzuz Spock
I don't know much about poetry (even though I write it, I'm far from some kind of expert), but I really liked this piece. I remember days like that as a kid, rollin' around, desperate for the wind to keep my face cool. (I was never lucky to find a stream.)

I like the sense of movement in this piece. And the ending is perfect, by the way. It draws the whole thing to a close very neatly, not rushed or anything at all.

Good luck in the WCC! :]
12/3/2009 c14 8Lea Ai
I feel like I'm reading an "I Spy" book from your A/N :-D.

This imagery was absolutely wonderful. I loved the line: "Rolling under the great blushing apple suspended in the azure sky"...beautiful!

I wasn't quite sure what was meant by "a bulge under the earth's surface" though...could you enlighten me there?

Great poem. Great word usage. Beautiful imagery. What more could you want? :-D

Good luck with WCC!

~Petals
12/3/2009 c14 Sophiesix
hey hey! you're in! hooray!

I love the feel of summer in this, the heat and that exhausting feeling of riding a bike through it - ugh! nicely done. and the end is just majic - makes me feel cooler already :) thanks!

and um... can i ask why did it have to apple, a scar, a bulge, and a bicycle? (i love the bulge especially. also the apple.) :)
11/4/2009 c13 30sophiesix
happy hundred and first review! :)

e creepy. love how he's looking for the parents in teh yard, and the crows and horses fleeing. :shiver: :D
10/30/2009 c13 Brenda Agaro
Very captivating. To me, it definitely feels dream-like and the colors and sounds were well done. Great job! :D

Best wishes on the exam!
10/29/2009 c13 19wolfprint
oh om gosh-you had had at the first two lines. "We run as if the devil is behind us. Wrong: it is in front"...pressure? yea! this was so good. i'm glad it wasn't a dream, because i think i would just die. amazing though :)
10/18/2009 c2 4Frayling0
Loved this! You captured the surreal and enigmatic quality of dreams really well. Nice work :D
10/17/2009 c1 Frayling0
Wow this is really beautiful! I loved the last line, it fitted the culmination of such a poem. This is really multi-layered so we can take what we want from it. I love it! ~ Luke
10/9/2009 c1 27Lyllyth
For some reason, when I read this poem, I could hear it spoken to a rhythm or even sort of sung or rapped or something. It just seemed like that sort of thing, I don't know why. But it was more than just visual. I like the sort-of rhymes in the first thow stanzas. and there's still some rhyming in the third and last, but I feel like the middle kind of lost it. That confused me a little. This probably isnt really important, but I'm sort of OCD about these kind of things: some of your lines don't start with a capital letter. Sometimes it seems to go with the punctuation, but in the second verse, you capitalize new lines even without punctuation. I think it aught to be consistent one way or the other. I really like the last line, the history and mystery rhyme, but it didnt really seem to go with the rest of the poem. I love the repeating first line. It gives your poem some overall unity that it otherwise might have lacked due to the inconsistent meter and rhyming. Good job with this.
10/2/2009 c12 Brenda Agaro
I just read through your first twelve pieces, and wanted to give you my review because they were well written. :-)

Don't Wanna Hide:

I like the rhyme scheme. Some of the lines were longer than the others, though. Is that intentional?

But a very good poem nonetheless.

Truth and Innocence:

I was so moved by this piece. You did a great job conveying emotions. Plus, it's brutally honest. Sadly, in real life, if someone gets beaten to death in the middle of the street or somewhere, the bystander won't help (either because of fear or they think that someone else will intervene for them.)

{After several minutes, the man swapped his whip to a club.} I could be wrong, but I think "to" should be "for."

Guardian Angels:

I can hear the voice of the narrator. Is she narrating from the future (a memory?). I'm just wondering because there were words that an adult would know (unless the child happens to be gifted.)

I like the simplicity and interaction.

{“The pair of angels they keep the person safe, give him wings, teach him to become an angel….} A comma after "angels."

{The words linger at the tip of your tongue but you don’t say anything because you know a child can’t understand such ideas.} A comma after "tongue."

Legend:

It's impressive that it reads just like a fairy tale/fable. Beautifully written.

{Her dark curls bounce off her shoulders, tickle her face.} The second part of the sentence confused me. I think it's "tickling her face."

Stranger in the Night:

I like the pacing and the imagery, especially with how you conveyed the theme of love (innocent/young love?). Again, good rhyme scheme.

Time Will Tell:

Very good personification of time. Clever. You described the relationship between a mother and her child, and the feeling of growing up and letting go, so well.

{Pain because it’s a promise innocent you think you can keep.} This sentence confused me. Maybe it could be "Pain because it's a innocent promise you think you can keep."

Double Faced:

This poem left me in awe. Forgive me for not doing a detailed critique on your poems. I love reading them, but I'm not good at the reviewing part. The one thing I like is the "Foreign words" and "language" part. I remember learning how learning a new languages mean growing up/coming of age in literature. I'm not sure if that's your intention, (I also feel that this could be about how our writing can be different from ourselves) but I seem to interpret that way.

When My Grandmother Met Someone Famous:

Cleverly written, even with the literary devices you add in. It reminds me of stories of people who meet their favorite celebrities/role models and find that they're not what they think, but of course, I feel that it's a different case in this poem. Very good conveying of emotions as well.

Well Known:

Some parts in this piece were similar to the poem before this, (yes, I read your author's notes XD ) but I like how you expanded on it. Beautiful imagery and word choice. Such good flow.

Lest We Forget:

Just beautiful. So much emotion conveyed in this poem.

Pride Comes From Identity:

Amazing imagery. I really wish I could say more, but this poem stands on its own. To me, it's just that great.

What colour represents the rainbow?

You conveyed a powerful message in this poem. Very good comparisons with the colors, and thought provoking as well.

You don't have to review back. :-)
10/2/2009 c12 9Alteng
I hope that you win your argument, but from your poem it seems that you should have worn something multi-colored. After all, does that not represent your troubled country. Even the school uniform seems to be a representative of what cultures have pushed upon you.

I know little of your country's history, so I couldn't tell you what would represent it the best. It seems that you would have something in your culture that cries out Taiwan. In the USA, we have the confederate flag that represents the Confedrecy that was defeated in the Civil War. For a part of the country that was defeated, they carry such a thing proudly. Also, another representative of this is the grey uniforms that the confederate soldiers wore.

Another thing that is celebrated in this country is St. Patrick's Day, which is a reminded of Ireland being forbidden to wear green.

This is more a comment on what you did than the poem. Your poem represents a long of the turmoil of your country. It is a good analogy, especially the thing with red and blue. Even the word play with violet and violent is a nice piece there.
10/2/2009 c12 Tawny Owl
Firstly I love the way that you thought so hard about what to wear, and secondly that you responded in verse. I love doing that and as soon as I read the title I thought that it made perfect sense. What colour represents the rainbow, indeed? Although I do kind of wish I’d read it before the Author’s note so I’d know what to make of it at face value. Heigh ho. It made me smile anyway.

The second thing that struck me was how this got progressively sinister. With the Indigo dominating the horizon, and violently violet. Both good images. And a strong contrast with quiet white.

It led into the thought provoking realisation at the end as well. I must admit I don’t like the last verse as much as the rest (apart from the last two lines and the conclusion that you are the rainbow) I can’t quiet place why though. I’m going to try reading it out load later when I’m not at work.

Happy to see another of your poems up here: I think I missed them.
9/12/2009 c1 146Sexy Vampirechick
I really like this poem.It's really nice.I like the rhyme scheme and the meaning behind it,but I find you messed up in the fourth stanza(with the rhyming).Other than that I think this poem is well-written! ;)
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