for All that Glitters9/26/2008 c1 
13Marie St. John
The beginning and ending were superb. You wrote this very well, its like a tapestry, every sentence or thread connected and winding about the other, from beginning to end. The characterization is flawless, in my humble opinion, and the dialogue was easy and real. The inserts of the memories were very well done, no melodrama or over describing, but a vivid picture was painted. I hope that this isn't the end.
- Aranel
13Marie St. JohnThe beginning and ending were superb. You wrote this very well, its like a tapestry, every sentence or thread connected and winding about the other, from beginning to end. The characterization is flawless, in my humble opinion, and the dialogue was easy and real. The inserts of the memories were very well done, no melodrama or over describing, but a vivid picture was painted. I hope that this isn't the end.
- Aranel
9/26/2008 c1 raineyday
This is very unique! I really like it. Firstly, for the descriptions! They're just beautiful and, at times, a little on the unorthodox side, but it always worked. Very well done; I could picture this story in my head perfectly.
Another thing that I just adored was the formatting, the use of the flashback quotes, for lack of a better term. It really filled the reader in bit by bit, and I like that. Not all the information was just thrown at the reader all at once.
Overall, a wonderful piece!
This is very unique! I really like it. Firstly, for the descriptions! They're just beautiful and, at times, a little on the unorthodox side, but it always worked. Very well done; I could picture this story in my head perfectly.
Another thing that I just adored was the formatting, the use of the flashback quotes, for lack of a better term. It really filled the reader in bit by bit, and I like that. Not all the information was just thrown at the reader all at once.
Overall, a wonderful piece!
9/25/2008 c1 5Mistval
Its odd, but I like it!. There are a few problems though. Right off the bat you use the word slim twice like 15 words apart. The description of the water that follows is really nice though, but, you use water twice within like fifteen words. Try going to a thesaurus website if you have trouble thinking of synonyms, using the same word in close repition doesn't sound nice. With a couple changes though, that first paragraph would be great and poetic.
Overall, I like your descriptions ALOT. They have a mystical quality, example.
He doesn’t seem made for this enchanted dusk, for exquisite city of light, Serenissima, floating on lapping green waters.
Your descriptions are actually some of the coolest I've read. I hope you continue this.
5MistvalIts odd, but I like it!. There are a few problems though. Right off the bat you use the word slim twice like 15 words apart. The description of the water that follows is really nice though, but, you use water twice within like fifteen words. Try going to a thesaurus website if you have trouble thinking of synonyms, using the same word in close repition doesn't sound nice. With a couple changes though, that first paragraph would be great and poetic.
Overall, I like your descriptions ALOT. They have a mystical quality, example.
He doesn’t seem made for this enchanted dusk, for exquisite city of light, Serenissima, floating on lapping green waters.
Your descriptions are actually some of the coolest I've read. I hope you continue this.