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12/14/2010 c1 6Cole Culain
This is a review squad review for the review marathon.

Okay, so this piece is... ahem. Bizarre. Kind of funny, but bizarre. The voice it is told in is good, and reminds me faintly of pretty much every spunky fantasy heroine I've ever read about. Not a bad thing but... well, whatever.

I found the story a bit confusing overall, mainly because it was structured like a person's thoughts. The tangents jumped in all over the place, making the thing really hard to understand what was going on. You also had a lot of "where were we?"s that weren't nessecary, seeing as the action just happened a paragraph ago.
9/5/2010 c1 ZyggyGirl
3: 'and only one of not' should be seperated by commas or dashes.

4: 'quaker' should be 'quacker'

5: The line in parentheses should end with a question mark.

7: Maybe it's just me, but this line doesn't make any sense. I understand the narrator's attention wanders to faintly related subjects very easily, but this came out of nowhere.

9: 'the little critters who owls eat' It should be 'whom'

I believe 'learnt' is supposed to be spelled 'learned'

11: '...And I think that is one of the most stupid things I have ever, in my very short but very spectacular life, thought.' Either omit the ellipses, or put this on its own line.

12: 'the length span of a gold fish' Did you mean 'attention span'?

This might be personal preference, but I think there should be some sort of acknowledgement that the narrator made an impact when s/he hit the ground. Wouldn't it at least cause a little pain, if the hole is deep enough to prevent someone climbing out?

30: 'marginally-to-big-to-climb-out-of hole' It should be 'too
8/26/2010 c1 2Mrmonocle
Funny! I liked how the character had kind of short attention span, or like his thoughts were written down on paper. I really laughed at "aha, I make such good jokes, don't I? No really, don't laugh, you might crack your sides.

Where did that expression come from anyway? How can you crack your sides laughing? Now, if you were getting hit by a metal crowbar in the stomach I could get it. Cracking your sides by getting hit in the stomach repeatedly with a metal crowbar sounds much more convincing then having something painful happen to you while you're laughing.". One error I did find was this: "I mean, what am I gonna do now!" Shouldn't that be a question mark?XD
12/21/2009 c1 1Sacred Burning
OMG! I can't send anymore PM's I've reached my 30 PM limit! Love this story too btw! And no the mask wouldn't be to heavy if you make it light. LOL:) sorry FP is annoying sometimes!

-G.E.T.
10/3/2008 c1 68centuriespast
o my gosh chik

you're are so frikin funny

I mean seriously

nice job

like to the max and for true

keep it up and I EXPECT a new story

SOON

ok?

like NOW

Stop readin this and write

ok?

WRITE

but yea

this story was a fun ride

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